After a break-up

Dear Matthew,

Take a deep breath and feel the arms of God comforting you. You’re OK. I know that a break-up can be challenging. The fear of a change in routine and the loss you’re feeling from this sudden lack of companionship will fade away. You can let go of the self-doubt and regret and let yourself feel loved by the source of all love, God.

There will be some awkward moments. How will you explain the break-up to friends and family? And how will you face the one who has just broken your heart?

The feelings of insecurity you’re experiencing may seem normal after an event like this. Resentment and heartache—these may, too. But you don’t have to stay stuck in these feelings, and you don’t have to work through them alone. The good news is that God is already there—leading you, showing you the way to comfort and peace.

One of the hardest things about a break-up is that it leaves you feeling like something is missing. Like love is gone. Like a piece of your happiness, or your security, or your comfort has been subtracted from your life. But think about it: Is that really true? Understanding the nature of God, could it be true?

I know you believe that God is Love. And I know you believe that God fills all space—is All-in-all and infinite. So then Love must fill all space. There can’t be any voids in a Love that defines and embraces the entirety of the universe, can there? No matter how compelling the feelings of loss, you can counteract them with this fact: Love doesn’t come and go, doesn’t have empty places, doesn’t leave anyone out. Love embraced you before, during, and after this relationship. In fact, the love that you valued from that relationship was a reflection of divine Love—so love remains, even though the human circumstances have changed.

Love helps you to grow. The way that’s expressed in your life may be hard to cope with at times, but you can trust that Love won’t allow you to stay in a relationship that isn’t conducive to your progress. And you can find comfort in knowing that you always have the relationships you need to express your God-given individuality and wholeness.

Wholeness. That’s another spiritual fact you can hold on to. The world argues that you’re incomplete without a relationship—lacking something, seeking something, in need of something more. But your completeness is divinely-bestowed. You have a divine right to be loved and feel loved and to experience the wholeness that comes from knowing you can never be without love. When feelings of resentment come, when sensuality or feelings of incompleteness would try to drive you too quickly into a new relationship, you can counteract these suggestions with what you know about your Love-derived wholeness. The best relationship comes from knowing you are whole first. Then you’ll complement, and feel complemented by, another’s qualities—instead of completed by them. Then you’ll love in a way that’s less exclusive—and that begins and ends with God, instead of with a person.

Right in this moment, you can move forward with the arms of Love holding you. I promise you, you’re not afraid. You’re not adrift. You’re whole, complete, and loved. Thank you, God!

Love,

Matthew