Hi radiant beings,

I am loving how each of us is sharing from our soul here..

I am in the middle of a book entitled, What’s So Amazing About Grace?. There is a mention in this book about how the world is full of ‘ungrace’, what we really, truly need in every situation, is grace. And a forgiveness that goes so far beyond person that there are no strings attached.

Here is a quote about this from the book that I feel applies directly to the sharing on this thread..

“Grace cannot be reduced to generally accepted accounting principles. In the bottom-line of ungrace, some workers deserve more than others (may I add here: more forgiveness, more understanding..more ‘putting yourself in their shoes); in the realm of grace the word DESERVE does not even apply.”

Thank you for this conversation.

So much love to you all,
A

I have just recently caught up on this discussion and am not sure if people are still going to reply after such a long period of dormancy. I have no issues with my own sexual identity. When possible I try not to label myself, I see labels as limiting and that the only label I really need to reflect is that of being the perfect child of God. However, for the purposes of this discussion, I will identify as bisexual, that is (for ME) not caring about the gender of the person I meet, but thinking about the personality. I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t feel ashamed and have no desire to change this. I have found acceptance amongst all the people to whom I have “come out”. What I am struggling with is fear. Perhaps this warrants a new discussion and if so I will start one I just am not looking to hear more of what has already been said, all of which has been extremely helpful by the way and very interesting. My fear is that if I were to bring home someone of the same perceived gender to my family, who are Christian Scientists, that I would get a negative reaction. My mother has expressed homophobic views before and my father, while having nothing against homosexuality, has not expressed anything that would lead me to believe he would be comfortable with it. If he were okay with it, telling the one parent would inevitably mean that the other would know. Also as a teenager, at my school, I am surrounded by hateful speech targeted at people who identify themselves as I do. I realise that my sexual orientation and my material gender is no link to my spiritual identity but the material world can be a scary place for someone who is involved in a relationship with someone of the same gender. Are there any thoughts about how to pray about fear and acceptance or ideas on how I could best discuss this issue with my family? For me, I am looking for a place where I can be honest and wouldn’t have to hide a relationship that I am having. I want to share my love with my family, not hide it. I am very grateful for this network of Christian Scientists and my ability to receive a Christian Science perspective on issues that I face.

Hi Brooke,

I completely understand what you are going through. I am a lesbian and have been a Christian Scientist since birth. I did it all, went to CS camp of 7 years, I went to Principia Upper School (boarding school), my entire extended family are all CS. It’s part of who I am. But, being gay is also who I am. I was terrified to tell my parents, but when I did at 18 it was a weight that was lifted. Although my mom cried at first tried to ‘help’ me by giving me CS stuff about people being ‘healed’ of being gay, she eventually got over it. And my dad, who right before I told him expressed his view about how gays should not have the right to marry, now has gay friends! I NEVER thought I would see the day, but people will surprise you. You might still get some awkward conversations, like my lovely CS grandmother who, even though she knows I’m gay, still asks my mom if I have a boyfriend.

Although people don’t want to talk about it, parents of gay kids are upset because they are losing the life that they thought their baby would have. It takes a while for them to undo their hopes and dreams for you (which, in my case, involved me marrying a man and having a traditional family). But you need to be yourself and not hid it. That is the worst, I am telling you from experience. Now, I have been in a long term, committed relationship for 5 years and both my parents love my partner. She comes to Sunday dinners and comes to church with me. Most gays that I know have a similar story, they family was not thrilled at first, there was some conflict, and they came around because they love them and don’t want to lose them. And, their family is more accepting then they were before.

The fear you have is normal and not CS specific, but you can pry about it. I will tell you, if you struggle with homosexuality conflicting with CS it will weigh you down. It is terrible and unnecessary. I walked away from CS for a while because of it, but now I don’t care if ‘some people’ have a problem with it, think its sin, materialism, labeling or whatever. My relationship with God has nothing to do with other people, including the Church or its members (or Internet haters).

And don’t listen to people that try to tell you that labeling or identifying is not CS. Those people identify as straight, even if they don’t consciously think about. And yes, sex does have something to do with spirituality. If I am a spiritual idea of God, God made me gay, which yes, means sex, but also so much more. It’s about life, happiness, fulfillment, and Love.

Brooke, people that are CS non-gays don’t understand your internal conflict. Their intensions are good, but it’s just impossible for them to truly understand. Pray, but also seek out support for how to come out to your family (there are some good sites online). There are also gay CS groups (shocking, I know!) Perhaps there in your area (just Google gay and Christian Science, you’ll find it). My CS branch church is extremely accepting and has, by percentage, a lot of gays that go there (because there known for being more accepting). Be strong, be yourself, pry for peace about this issue, and open up to your family.

I liked arizonagirl’s post.
You know there are many more issues that can tend to ‘hang up’ good and sincere Christian Scientists. Homosexuality etc is just one of many that can potentially divide church members. In fact you can let almost anything rankle and tax you. I’m always feel more on track if I approach everything with a goal of experiencing and bringing healing: resentment, prejudice, judgemental, victimized/victimized, injustice, hatred… And so on… Focus on love and healing…..my two cents for today

Three points.

First: “Labeling:” There should be no need to label someone who always falls in love with a person of the same gender. Do we have a name for someone who always falls in love with an athlet or artist? A simple human preference is blown all out of proportion, and labeled sin. Even if you do not label yourself, but openly have a partner of the same sex, others will label you, some with very negative response. There is nothing wrong with being aware of any potential malpractice. We always need to be alert to handle it, because it can affect our family, our church, our education, our job.

Second: Please don’t take this the wrong way. I am of mature years, and I just want to caution you about having a serious relationship of any kind while in high school. You need to study, to do well, to participate in other activities, hopefully to go to college or some other training. If you are caught up in a serious relationship, particularly if it has become sexual, that relationship may tend to hold you back from doing all the things you need to do. So just be conscious of whether or not this relationship is taking up too much of your thought right now, and hindering other accomplishments. It has nothing to do with whether you are gay or straight. I would give this advice to any high school student who has aspirations for his or her future.

And finally if you are openly gay in high school, you could be subject to bullying from family and other students. I don’t know what your parents would do, but some parents throw their gay children out of the home, or send them to some “rehabilitation center.” Until you are 18, you have almost no rights, so being quiet about being gay may be wise. On Saturday, we saw the documentary “Bully,” and one of the subjects is an openly gay high school student. Her parents completely support her, she has friends, and is very comfortable about being gay. But the bullying at school was so bad that she had to leave the school.

All this is malpractise, so you need to pray about what you are ready to take on now. I can’t tell you what to do — that is between you and God. I can just let you know, as you clearly already know, that there will be challenges — at least until you go away to college.

Hey Brooke,

Thanks for posting this. I really appreciated your thoughts and questions and everyone’s responses as well.

In any situation, there will be a ton of opinions about what to do or not do. But the main thing to know as you pray going forward is that God is right there supporting you and shepherding every step. All-encompassing Love is providing guidance to everyone, all the time, including you and your parents. Feel that support and love. It undergirds everything!

Thanks for trusting this community! Keep us posted and how you’re led to proceed.

Hugs!

Ariana

To arizonagirl,

I understand how you feel about what I said about staying in the closet in high school. I agree with you that as people come out, and as more “straight” people have gay friends, then the prejudice starts to melt away. However, to ask one student to carry the load in a high school may be too much to ask. I encourage you to see the film “Bully,” if it is showing anywhere near you. The high school girl in the film wanted to do as you suggest – come out, let people get to know her, overcome their prejudices. She has the full support of her parents. But after the bullying she faces, she finally decides that she can’t change people on her own, and her family puts her in another school. I think that a better solution in high schools are the gay-straight alliances, particularly when there are straight students taking some of the leadership.

If you are going to say that high school students should always come out, and not be in the closet, are you going to be there for them when they are isolated, beaten up, ridiculed during school hours? Are you going to visit them if their parents lock them up in some “center” that says it will cure their child of homosexuality? High school students are vulnerable, and usually without resources of their own. We need to respect and support them in whatever it takes to get to graduation. Sometimes that means being in the closet.

I am not against labels. I was addressing the people who say we shouldn’t use labels. My point is that even if people don’t label themselves, other people will. So we can’t say, “don’t use labels,” “don’t call yourself gay” because that is ignoring the social and political reality. I believe people do need to identify themselves as being gay or Lesbian or bi or whatever they are. That openness is what overcomes prejudice. Perhaps some day no one will care about the gender of the person you love any more than they care about the color of their hair or eyes.

I think each person has their own experience. To quote Brooke’s post that we’ve all been responding to, she said:
………..
When possible I try not to label myself, I see labels as limiting and that the only label I really need to reflect is that of being the perfect child of God. However, for the purposes of this discussion, I will identify as bisexual, that is (for ME) not caring about the gender of the person I meet, but thinking about the personality. I’m comfortable with who I am and don’t feel ashamed and have no desire to change this.
………

I think it’s really important, actually, to just pray and be yourself, however your intuition guides you. :-)

We can really get caught up in BIG human planning and decision-making… we all do this, whether it is career, school or relationship-related, thinking we are approaching some crossroads. We make all these big plans in our head of how we’ll anticipate that which we think we have to do. But in reality, God’s got everything under control. We don’t really have to do anything, at least anything that makes us uncomfortable. That’s not part of God’s plan.

I think everyone who has contributed here has said what they think is important and they say it because they care. As individuals contributing to this thread, we all might come from different places — we can appreciate each others ideas and even have empathy for each other’s human life growing experiences, as we’re all working through life issues. I really liked what Rita says and it’s so great that she expressed care from her perspective of wisdom and honesty. And AZ Girl, it’s so good to have your perspective as well. Speaking as someone who has dealt with/deals with a similar issue, as a Christian Scientist, it’s to be appreciated that you are heard and are working from a perspective of hope for unity and understanding.

To be honest, I don’t feel like I know a lot about homosexuality, but when I think about how someone must have to protect their self, even within a church community, I often think that I can relate because I think that each generation has something great to offer our world. And I’ve found that within religious bodies, there is sometimes a tendency to just follow tradition and this can lend to conservatism, which hampers true individuality from being expressed. So in this regard, I totally can relate and have a lot of empathy/respect for someone continuing to be Christian and doing their best to deflect judgement/malpractice, while they seek to learn and grow spiritually, like we all are coming to our religion for this purpose.

Love to all! :-)

• This reply was modified 33 days ago by  JD.
• This reply was modified 33 days ago by  JD.
• This reply was modified 33 days ago by  JD.