Free from child abuse
When Kate Bailey was finally adopted after passing through 13 homes, she was given little hope of recovery from child abuse. Now Kate enjoys a happy, healthy adult life. This dialogue between Kate and her mom, Ginny Luedeman, weaves together the story of Kate’s childhood with the story of Kate’s adopted son, who is now recovering from severe abuse.
Check out the related Radical Acts:
BE childlike
LOVE your neighbor as yourself
Special thanks to the It's About Good Collective for the music used in this podcast.
Posted on Sunday, August 19th, 2012 at 9:28 pm | Follow responses with the RSS feedTopics: Domestic abuse, Healing | Tags: child abuse, inability to attach
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Thank you, Kate and Ginny, for your courage and your wonderful examples of selflessness and love. This is such an inspiration to us all, to get out there and make a difference in whatever ways we can!
Sher, what an angel you are to your husband. May I humbly offer…perhaps release him to feel the intimacy with Mother Love as Mother God chooses to express it. Although as husbands and wives and mothers and fathers we, at least I, like to think these are the most precious and intimate relationships and that the healing of these dear ones must come through us/me, the ultimate relationship is between an individual and God. My healing came in a unique way I could never have imagined – way beyond a human sense of the tree of relationships. I am extremely grateful to my spouse for loving and trusting so much that the healing was allowed to happen. Witnessing is a vital and active healing element, I learned. I am trying to practice it now with regards to a brother.
I’m so glad you used the word intimate because that has been coming to me in a similar way. The only intimate relationship we have is with God and that intimacy is reflected in our connections with others. Eddy says Love lived in a cot or a castle is God exemplified. Although my husband has been given by the medical only a month to live, I feel his journey forward in discovering his genuine intimacy with Love will continue uninterrupted. Although I may not be able to see that occur, I will be able to know our family has been a surrounding force of reverberating love he can never be without even if not physically present and can someday identify that love as truly and always his just as you have done, Seeker.
I am deeply touched too by this sharing. I believe this same extension of Love can also be accomplished to those who are adults but have never quite gained their freedom from an abusive background blemishing their relationships in adult life. I have been praying throughout 35 years of marriage to such a one and have prayed daily striving in being the highest sense of Love moment by moment as God unfolds it to me in this work in progress. But this video has given me a different view of mentally seeing this individual embraced in the arms of the Mother Love as a child unafraid to receive the safety and trust this Love is wrapping him in. I cannot do what Ginny did to Kate since he is an adult but I can do it mentally. It is a different prayerful approach for me. Thank you.
I am touched by the strength and courage of these women. And all of you who have been commenting. Thank God.
WOW! Thank you both, Kate and Ginny, for those powerful examples of how loving those in need as Christ Jesus loved them–tenderly, unconditionally, seeing them as God’s precious beloved children right now–is certainly what the world needs and brings healing. We each need to be emulating these radical acts in our own lives. I can think of several people who will be blessed by hearing this podcast! I so appreciate your candid sharing!
Thank you Kate and Ginny for sharing. My friends daughters have been through a similar experience and I hope one day I can share your story with them in terms of healing. Your story brought tears of compassion, joy, hope and faith. It wonderful to hear God’s message and no matter how radical it seems at the time it is followed through and is clearly the right choice.
Years ago a domestic violence worker informed me what I was experiencing with a now ex-partner was mental, physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Although I think I hold no animosity I need to do more prayer to heal completely all associations – knowing my son cannot be a victim of his past experiences nor can his girlfriend who was abused as a young teenager, feel insecure, betrayed or forgotten.
That everyone is included and that Gods motherhood is always with us loving us, that Gods fatherhood is also with us guiding and protecting us and that no matter what the mortal experience appears to be, frees us of all past experiences and we can trust God with a renewed spirit in the fullness thereof, in one brotherhood. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story.
I LOVE this! Thank you, Kate and Ginny, for sharing. How beautiful.
I hope anyone who feels like abuse’s scars can’t be healed has the chance to listen to you two.
Thank you.
WOW! What an amzaing and touching story! Thank you sooo much for sharing this!
As a foster parent choosing to welcome in and love those “with issues” crying/acting out for healing, I didn’t let their attitude or behavior control my values/character/behavior to fit their sad script. I thanked God I could prove that they are dearly loveable, loved, good, worthy, welcome, belonging, and powerful problem-solvers because they can never be outside of God’s loving family/home/education/work. Hymn 174 helped. When strangers or church applicants come to us we can likewise provide the cheerful loving clarity about what is true and God-authorized about them, and demonstrate our trustworthiness in relating with them that way. Each scary symptom was a fun challenge to prove the truth of God’s love– six healthy small meals a day with continual healthy snacks available on the kitchen table and in their space so they didn’t have to steal/hoard/gorge; lots of active listening and ASL and communication instruction/modeling so they could know and be known; chores/skills with thanks so they know they are powerful and important, clear choices on whether/when/how to connect or express so they can trust. Finding the Yes behind each No; the please behind each tantrum, the need behind each defense, the healing behind each strong reaction. Our branch churches can foster a trustworthy sense of family/home for those who never had it or who were hurt by those using CS words to attack/lie/avoid responsibilities. We can thank God for how these challenging ones bless us by teaching us to better love and live in integrity, to better trust our Father/Mother, to handle animal magnetism’s aggressive suggestions. We can thank these calling us to higher practice of Love, proof that the Comforter comforts those who mourn and discomforts those stuck comfortably in matter/sin/apathy. How can we nurture in fellow church family members a readiness to lovingly see/embrace those who most need what we profess to have/live– love, gratitude, humility, grace, forgiveness, faithfulness, spiritual logic, disciplined thinking, courageous honesty overturning psychological denial/laziness/self-justification/prejudice’s pride. How can we better foster mother our churches and members and communities/world? Healing/preventing domestic violence also includes refusing to play the drama’s roles: victim, victimizer, enabler, false witness failing to help, cheerleader justifying the injustice, profiteer/voyeur exploiting desperate children/workers/investors. One purpose of the CS Monitor we can each love/live includes being honest in doing our part metaphysically and physically/financially/personally to connect the facts/truths/issues and solve them globally, locally, interpersonally, mentally. Abuse=bullying=worker harassment/exploitation=terrorism=war=poverty=poison= environmental adultery=cancer…. The abuser seeking to connect/heal his past and see in the victim’s eyes similar feelings as a way to seek empathy and not being alone or powerless… we can love and help him empathically listen to and kindly care for his wounded child self instead of making another feel his pain/fear/grief/shame while learning better ways of meeting his needs and the needs of those around him that in turn gives him the power, wholeness, peace, joy, safety he seeks. The refusal to be another hurting ourselves and others by erroneously judging, condemning, prophesying, influencing/influenced/reactive. Refusing to blame the victims or tune out their cries for help. The same underlying wrong beliefs and interactions crying for the same correcting healing truths and loving actions affirming we’re each/all God’s beloved children made to live Love. As with a body or church, each member of humanity necessary for the health and mutual blessing of all. Healing the abuser’s/witnesses’ lies with the truth that we each matter and are inherently good and a gift from God to each other. Each blessing us with the opportunity to grow in grace, and more tangibly experience/express God.
Ginny and Kate, Thank you so much for sharing your stories. You are both such strong and inspirational women and I am so grateful to have the chance to learn from you. Thank you for your love and honesty!
Oh Dear Sisters, what a blessing you both are. Thank you for being open enough to share such profound experiences. The healing that occurs from this more than makes up for the hesitancy we feel in sharing deep feelings with those we do not personally know. God protects those in His service so your safety is assured and the rest of us are blessed in knowing more about how God’s love is translated into action. Abuse of God’s little ones is the worst sin I can think of, and the healing of the effects of abuse one of the greatest offerings we can give to God in return for his love. You are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you so much, Kate and Ginny, for this perfect example of the love that keeps on rippling out because it comes from Love itself. I love the way you both took your Christianity out of the realm of theory into real healing practice.
Thank you bev and amy. You know, bev, your mention of preparing your heart, so to speak, for C.S., I have never believed that, but, I do know that even as open as I like to be, it was much harder than I thought to share and trust practitioners with info about difficult things for me in life. What seems ideal to me is that we are able to bring up anything difficult w a practitioner, and with such unrelenting love, working together to keep looking at what God’s reality always
was-even where the hard or confusing memories are. I know c.s. Class instruction helped me understand this more clearly..yet I am beyond words grateful for those dedicated practitioners who purely uphold this Christly model. It is hard but right work. Glad we can be in contact if that unfolds. So much love sweet Bev!! You’re as bright as the sun.
Thanks Amy, for your recent comment! Now that we have each other’s contact info. perhaps we can start sharing with each other that way…..??? I’ll go first! Love, Love!
That’s it! :)
Hi Bev and Amy,
If you’ll each send me your contact information, I’ll be happy to connect the two of you (I work for TMC Youth). We don’t encourage the sharing of personal information on site.
rich...@csps.com
Hi Amy at TMC Youth!
Thanks! I just sent you my contact info. to give to the other Amy! I sent it to: rich...@csps.com. Is that correct? Let me know!
Love,
Bev
Ohhh, thank you, Amy, for your loving response to my comment! Yes, it sounds like we do have the same challenge to deal with! I would love to make contact with you…..how do we do this? I don’t know if I am allowed to give you my phone no. and/or email address on this Blog.????? One thing I can tell you is that my work in the very spiritual 12-Step Program of CoDependents Anonymous has proved to be invaluable in working thru a lot of family stuff and in opening my Heart to Love. As I said, I needed to do this work before I could even begin to work with Christian Science, as I needed a lot of Healing of the Heart through dealing with feelings and thus preparing my Heart for the Love that we find in C.S. Keep in Touch! Much Love! Bev
Ohhhhh, thank you so much Ginny and Kate! This is soooo healing for me! I was sexually abused by my Dad at a very young age – preschool. I never realized until today, why I have trouble “attaching” to people on a deep, intimate level. I have done a lot of work in Therapy and CoDependents Anonymous and now I am studying Christian Science. I was actually raised in C.S., but my parents didn’t really understand it on a very deep level and just used a form of psychological Denial to deal with problems. Very confusing for a child being abused. Keep on sharing this, both of you! You have no idea how healing it is just to hear this! Thank you with a Heart of Love!
Bev-i am sorry to hear about your experience and have never before known someone who had such a similar “story” to me. I am not sure, but my first thought after reading your response was that it would be nice to sometime share via email or phone..whatever works out, my prayers on this topic will naturally embrace you as well. Thank u for sharing and so good to learn more about our true story as beloved safe ideas of God,huh?
What wonderful stories! Thank you both so much for sharing.
Oh Ginny and Kate, thank you for sharing this. What cannot Love, God, do? I know it must be extremely difficult at times. But I know God is blessing you in this labor of love and blessing your little one.
how beautiful is this story! thank you so so much for sharing. i like the last part Ginny was talking about, paraphrasing, we owe it to God to take all his children into our hearts, to donate, become a big sister or whatever. Thank you.
Indeed God loves all his children equally. What a wonderful story, thanks for sharing.
Wonderful, wonderful. Thank you Kate and Ginny for sharing your story. I’m so moved by how your faith in God’s absolute love allowed you not to accept any seeming barriers in your experience and your children’s. What a perfect example of “Love’s work and Love must fit.” (Hymn 51) Thanks to the Radical Actors for sharing your inspiration!
This is a very profound sharing. Thank you. Those are radical acts, what you did and what you are doing. I love the radical act of taking six year old Kate onto your lap and holding her and feeding her with a bottle.
When I had a deep hurt, seemingly irreparable, a loving Christian Scientist held me as close mentally. It was like going back to the beginning and starting over and building trust from that moment. It was beautiful and meaningful, as your description of mother love to someone who has not felt it before.
This verse from the Bible is so dear. “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd; he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” Isa. 40:11. As is the story of Hagar and her son. When they were in the wilderness “God heard the voice of the lad where he is” and told the mother “Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand (hug him); for I will make him a great nation.” Gen. 21: 17-18.
Seeker- I can relate to feeling held so dearly and sincerely in thought by a c.s. Practitioner many times while we began to face some of the difficult memories that tried to “take my life away” and although one practitioner lost my trust the many healings that I have experienced in c.s. reminded me that I can trust God to show me “angels” here when I am in need..and I am sometimes put in situations to be that “angel” too-and what a blessing that is. Another practitioner has reminded me of my wholeness again and I am starting to believe that healing is a “present possibility” again. (p.s. I know that the practitioner who lost my trust did the best she could).
Yes yes yes yes yes. Stunning pure love. Being able to relate on both sides of the stories shared to some degree, something about the timing and the purity in your sharing touches me deeply. Thank you both for sharing this. You are both “miracles” of grace that is no “miracle to Love.”