Man up to real manhood
A shirtless model on a billboard. A bumbling loser in a sitcom. A callous businessman, or the suave guy who gets all the girls. If you ask the media, this is what manhood looks like in the 21st century: cool, powerful, and ruthless, or stupid, hapless, and helpless.
You might roll your eyes and say yeah, but the media stereotypes women, too. What’s the big deal? Well, the big deal is that stereotypes of any kind limit and undermine. And we’re seeing the effects of that: While women’s education rates continue to improve, each year in the United States, we see a disproportionate decrease in the percentage of boys who graduate from high school and attend college. Also in the US, young boys are four times more likely to be prescribed “sit still!” medications such as Ritalin and Adderall. And worst of all, world suicide rates showcase a whopping 80 to 90% of all suicides committed by men.
While I’m not blaming the media for the problems men are facing, these statistics have definitely made me take notice. I don’t want to stand by as either gender is forced into a certain box, or made to feel unworthy.
So what’s a spiritual thinker to do? For me, the starting point with this problem—as with any challenge we face—is God. In Science and Health With Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy defined God as Father-Mother—that is, as incorporating and expressing both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine qualities. In other words, both the male and the female are necessary. Both types of qualities are worthy because they originate in God. And in spite of society’s contention that men and women are from different planets, the nature of God as Father-Mother unifies the masculine and feminine. Instead of the genders being at war, in God we find complete harmony between “male” qualities and “female” ones.
All that might sound a little “out there” given the things we see in our own offices or communities. But we have to start somewhere. “What is the model before mortal mind?” Mary Baker Eddy asked. “Is it imperfection, joy, sorrow, sin, suffering?…Do you not hear from all mankind of the imperfect model? The world is holding it before your gaze continually. The result is that you are liable to follow those lower patterns, limit your life-work, and adopt into your experience the angular outline and deformity of matter models.” 1
You could think of that passage another way: What you see is what you get. Right now, the “model before mortal mind” is a pretty bleak picture of manhood. And right now, that’s definitely what we’re seeing play out. Politicians and call girls. Or inept guys who can’t even boil a pot of water without help from their female counterparts.
The good news is that changing that begins with each of us. It begins with our individual models—the version of manhood we choose to embrace, and the version we choose to hold to, no matter what the rest of the world is offering up. Here’s one version according to Eddy: “The ideal man corresponds to creation, to intelligence, and to Truth.” 2
As a guy, I love this definition—and not because I think it means that I have a corner on these qualities! What it tells me is that manhood cannot be obsolete or undervalued, because it’s a part of God’s character. And it sets a positive standard for masculinity. Intelligence, creativity, productivity, and honesty (or commitment to Truth) are masculine qualities, and as I express those qualities more purely, I’m expressing my masculinity. Does this mean that only men are smart, creative, and honest, while women are not? Of course not! In the same way, Eddy followed that passage up by saying, “The ideal woman corresponds to Life and Love.” Does that mean that women are lively, energetic, social, caring, nurturing, and loving, but men are not? Again: No way! We each incorporate both sets of these qualities in our complete expression. But you could say that if I’m expressing nurturing qualities, or my loving ones, I’m expressing my womanhood. And that’s OK! Guys can express womanhood and women can express manhood. That’s the beauty of those qualities being united in God.
In Christian Science we learn that men and women were not created as two incomplete halves of a whole, but rather as the full expression of divine goodness and love, already complete and perfect. Eddy wrote, “The masculine mind reaches a higher tone through certain elements of the feminine, while the feminine mind gains courage and strength through masculine qualities.” 3
How do we conquer the stereotypes that threaten to divide and demean us? As that passage reminds us, by being undivided ourselves. Each of us has the right to claim and express our manhood and womanhood. And as we let our own light shine brighter, that naturally helps free those around us from anything that would inhibit their individuality. That model of unified manhood and womanhood can and must bless men and women alike—and our world at large.
Posted on Tuesday, January 24th, 2012 at 4:49 pm | Follow responses with the RSS feedTopics: Manhood, Mens issues | Tags: media, negative stereotypes, statistics, stereotypes
Thanks for this great blog, Gordon! I really appreciate how straightforward you are about it, and I appreciate how this clear spiritual reasoning can be applied to any situation.
Thanks for sharing!
I needed to read this ! Great timing too! I know exactly who I need to share this with. Thanks. I’ve been trying not to say, “boys will be boys” when a see a bunch of boys acting in a way that’s stereotypically boyish. Now I’ve just got to stop Thinking it too!
Gordon- that idea is spot on that when we start from a premise of wholeness it’s not a surprise that we see ourselves/others as whole. How refreshing to know that whatever my human form looks I am not limited in my expression of God.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
I LOVE this ideas: “Guys can express womanhood and women can express manhood. That’s the beauty of those qualities being united in God.” Thanks so much for sharing this Gordon!
You’re welcome! Today I was thinking some more about this, and here’s something I’d like to add: I realized that the choice to express those “opposite” qualities is not really a choice at all. It’s not like you have to consciously flip a switch on before you can start to express those qualities, and then be sure to turn it off when you’ve had enough for the day. It’s just a part of our being, of who we are. So all of us — already — express those qualities naturally and effortlessly each day, and we always have been doing so, since we’ve always been spiritually complete!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Gordon. I totally agree that our gender can’t limit the qualities we express!
This also reminds me of a CS Monitor cover story a few months ago about girlhood and the models that were being pushed in front of them. After reading that article, I even caught myself saying things to young girls like “oh you look so pretty” as if that is the goal of a young woman. Rather, I tried to recognize their God given qualities and I started to say things like you are so joyful, you are so thoughtful. Even ideas like baby boys wear blue and baby girls wear pink. Why do we forget the rest of the rainbow?? God operates from a boundless basis and we have that same basis to express Spirit and Soul.
Ah, Gordon you are in-tune with the higher model of personhood that we need. You help us to be more androgynous– excluding no talents or qualities just because of material gender.
As Ginger calls it ‘the wholeness’ that brings us closer to our full reflection of the divine design. It opens our way to the ‘full spectrum’, to the whole enchalada’ of our potential. It helps reveal an individuality far greater than the sum of the stereotypes— a ‘gestalt’ blended of whatever abilities we need to reflect, the ‘boundless basis’ as Veronica says. Thanks Gordon for pulling us beyond the dictates of the ‘ordinary’.
I love the idea that we can — and do — express all 7 synonyms — not 3 out of 7, or 5 out of 7 — but all of them, and all their attributes. That’s our completeness, regardless of gender. Further, in the chapter Recapitulation in Science & Health, Mrs. Eddy notes that man “is the compound idea of God, including all right ideas.” Think of that! We include — already — all right ideas, or qualities, right here and now. And, in the glossary of S&H, she notes that man is the “full representation of Mind” (God)– not the partial representation or incomplete expression, but the full (!) representation of Mind and all that Mind, God, is and includes (all those right ideas). Pretty neat.
“What it tells me is that manhood cannot be obsolete or undervalued, because it’s a part of God’s character.”
Definitely! We need more true manliness!
When I read these lovely/handsome ideas by Gordon, I immediately thought of a manuscript titled “Man and Woman” and penned 111 years and 1 month ago by Mary Baker Eddy. In it, she writes, “The equality of man and woman is established in the premises of [Christian] Science. God made them male and female from the beginning, and they were in His image and likeness — not images, but image.” Elsewhere the author observes, “The feminine weakness that talks when it has nothing to say, that gossips, slanders, unwittingly or unconsciously, that envies or scorns where it should only pity, is out of line with being in Science, and in line with the masculine element that robs innocence of purity, and peoples of liberty and life, in the name of the rights of might. These are indeed dark stains on the brighter disk of humanity. But God’s dear love washes away these plague spots, and Divine Science makes clean the inside of the platter, unselfs the human, and gives back the Divine.”
Mike’s mention of synonyms and Veronica’s reference to rainbows reminds me that there are 7 names for God (Principle, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Life, Truth, Love) and 7 distinct hues, or bands, in a rainbow (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet). Which, in turn, makes me realize: Both the complete man and the complete color spectrum consist of an infinite array of qualities, and each individual man and each individual hue is unique.
So the male-and-female-combo man Gordon describes could be considered a one-of-a-kind rainbow representing the divine nature, filled with sun-yellow Soul, leaf-green Life, robin-red Love, sky-blue Truth and … I’m stretching here, monarch-orange Mind, sweet-violet Spirit and deep-indigo Principle!
And each of us is heaven’s smile — and aftersmile.*
*see No. 207 in the Christian Science Hymnal
That’s gorgeous, LittleChild! Thank you for sharing. I hadn’t read that manuscript, but all I can say is that Mrs. Eddy consistently blows me away with just how perceptive she was.
The manuscript is on pages 620 to 624 of “In My True Light and Life: Mary Baker Eddy Collections.”
I agree with your last comment, Gordon.
Love the blog, Gordon, and love the conversation here. Yes, women’s issues are important, but they cannot take over and push out men. The rights of all are invaluable, and we are best and blessed when we connect to our oneness with God and our identity as His/Her creation – the masculine and feminine combined.
I hope people are linking this on facebook, twitter, google+, etc. Messages like this one and the others on this site need wide circulation. It’s awesome that we have this site that we know about, but what do people do who don’t know. We can’t let lights like this site be hid under a bushel.
Plus, I hope more men write on this and similar topics. I can’t emphasis enough how important I feel it is that these ideas get shared and discussed. There are men of all ages seeking these ideas, seeking healing and spiritual validation. They need the compassion and reassurance that they are good because God is good and is their source.
This is a very gracious comment, and I especially love your last sentence! Thank you for all the good work you are doing and good prayers you are offering. :)
I’m so glad Christian Scientists are talking about this! I’ve been so concerned about it as a general social issue, but I was concerned also that we need to see beyond the false gender limits & roles that flood our culture. Of all people, we, having MBE’s example and guidance, should know the wonderful diversity anyone can express in her/his character. We know that we are God’s manifestations, so we have to be more than the gender roles say we are. Freedom is so important today, & androgyny frees us to be & do what is our sense of God’s expression through us. Love reaches that universality that includes & respects all people, not for what we want them to be but for what God made ethem to be.