The geometry of Love

Dear Elizabeth,

Remember how you and Hannah used to joke that it would be better to share a boyfriend than to have one all to yourself? That way you could go to the movies or a nice dinner every once in a while, but you wouldn’t have to be bothered by some guy hanging around all the time! Admit it: You were both jaded on the relationship front.

But now the joke’s a reality.

The two of you laughed about it at first over dinner. You were dating the same guy and he thought you wouldn’t find out? You’re best friends! You ate appetizers and howled. It all seemed so silly.

Neither of you are seriously interested in him so it feels harmless—at first. Swapping dating stories takes on a whole new dimension. Over the next week or so, your conversations with Hannah—and a lot of your other friends—are all about this weird triangle. Your friends think you’re crazy. You think you can handle it.

But feelings start to get hurt.

You and Hannah do talk about how to pray about this unique situation. But that’s part of the problem. You’re talking about ideas and not living them.

You decide you don’t want to date this guy anymore. It’s not a relationship you’d pursue anyway, but you hate how your friendship has changed. With him. With Hannah.

I remember how miserable you feel. I also remember how things change.

Don’t worry. The phone is about to ring. You’ll start to spill out the details of this crazy situation to the friend on the other end of the line. He’ll interrupt you. “Did you do anything wrong?” You can say no and mean it. You’ve honestly tried to care for each of your friends’ feelings and to think and act with integrity.

The guy on the phone is going to tell you, “If you haven’t done anything wrong, you don’t have to pay a penalty.”

You’ll talk about that for a bit. If you hadn’t robbed a bank, would it be just to be sent to jail for the crime? Of course not.

Your conversation will go deeper. You start exploring some spiritual ideas and this time you’ll really pay attention. This friend will tell you that your spiritually-based innocence is protecting you in a way that even your best intentions in dealing with your other two friends can’t. You’ll start to feel the conviction that your real, unchangeable, spiritual innocence as God’s child assures you that you already have rock-solid protection.

I can picture you perfectly. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed and you’re going to hang up that phone feeling completely free of the intense unhappiness that had imprisoned you just moments ago. Things adjust immediately with your friends, and believe it or not, both friendships are soon on a firmer foundation than ever before.

Trust me. I know.

Love,
Elizabeth