So I came across this song on the radio. A friend and I were just about to get out of the car. I heard the beginning synth and something stopped me. I could hear the spirituality in this song. So we both sat still and heard these opening lyrics:
“I’m wide awake. Ya I was in the dark, I was fallin’ hard, with an open heart, how did I read the stars so wrong?
And now it’s clear to me that everything you see ain’t always what it seems. Ya I was dreaming for so long.”
The fantastic video to Katy Perry’s “Wide Awake” helps to share what I’ve worked through. This is what it took to wake me up:
I was a sophomore in high school. I had dropped out as a freshman because I didn’t see the purpose of school. Now I was back and put into remedial classes with kids I didn’t want to be with. What’s a boy to do but start slanging lies?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I was never a dealer. I sold the lifestyle, not the drugs. I sold rave culture to a bunch of suburban kids. And it worked great. I made friends quickly and established myself in the ruthless social hierarchy.
Then there was this one night at a dance club in Hollywood introducing a few “newbies” to some serious drugs. I dropped some too, and found myself spinning out of control.
I jumped up on a concrete wall, gripped a chain link fence, and started yelling things that didn’t make sense to mortals. I told them about how it was all just a dream. I ranted and raved about our true powers, our true potential.
They tore me down and tried to beat me. I managed to escape, skidding under the stage where a DJ blasted out digital spiderwebs, and I spun in circles for hours alone.
I knew this wasn’t who I was. And I so desperately wanted to get out. My desperation began to tear away the illusion. I knew it wasn’t a pill that was making me feel this way. It was really the hype that spewed out of me five days a week that created my midnight madness.
When I eventually got back control from the consent to darkness, I got dropped off at home, snuck in without waking my mom, and let terrible, twisted fantasies and drum n’ bass beats bang through my head as I lay awake unable to sleep.
This wasn’t who I was. I hated this false self. Every night before I turned off the light, I would flip through the book that sat eternally by my bedside, Science and Health. My favorite passage was this one:
“[The power of sin [is] diminishing, for the world feels the alterative effect of truth through every pore.” 1
It calmed me. It reminded me of something that deep down inside I knew, and so desperately wanted to share with the world.
This went on for months. And then one night I came home, ready to relive the nightmare routine, and before I could quietly squeak the door open, it burst open to reveal the tearful face of my mom. She’d caught me this time. And I had nowhere to hide.
She flipped on the light and demanded to see my eyes. Then she burst into sobs. I did, too. I just broke down, right there, so tired of running. And we sat on the floor holding each other.
That was the beginning of the end of the selfish illusion. It wasn’t the pain that woke me up. It wasn’t the terrible nightmares or insomnia. It was the broken image of pure selfishness I finally awoke to. And this is what changed me. No one wants to be selfish. No one wants to be destructive.
We all know our true birthright. It’s inherent in us. We are children of God: You, me, Katy Perry, everyone. We are pure and innocent and holy. Our spiritual being, our Christ-sensitivity, can never be drugged, never touched, and never tainted.
Just across the page from the passage I read over and over to myself was the truth that would finally wake me up: “Love is the liberator.” 2
It took a few years after that night on the floor with my mom, but I finally broke free of all the evil beliefs that I let keep me chained. I learned, for myself, that “the way to escape the misery of sin is to cease sinning.” 3 Now, as Katy Perry says, I’m wide awake, delivered from the lion’s den — and bowed humbly at the throne of Spirit awaiting further orders.
By Michael Morgan
HEAL the sick, cast out evil, raise the dead
Topics: Drinking / Drugs | Tags: healing sin