DO GOOD to people who hate you
To those who hated me out of my first job:
You don’t see me. I don’t exist to you. If you were to see me as someone who has feelings and a beating heart, then you would also see that you treated me like I was less than human.
A woman in the news last year lives next door to the man convicted of killing her only child. She began to visit the killer in prison. Now that he’s out, they attend church together and treat each other like mother and son. Can you believe that? He killed her only child. He took away the most precious part of her life. Now she calls this man “son.”
I used to dream that you were trying to kill me. A few times it was with the chainsaw we used to cut through roofs. Once it was with the butter knife I used to cut the chief’s birthday cake. I felt myself trying to breathe through the pain of dying.
Later I had the same dream except it ended differently. You came at me with the chain saw. I could hear it growl. I could see the blade spin. But I reached up and put my hand through it like it was smoke — like it had no substance.
Then I hugged you. It was specifically one of you, but somehow all of you at the same time. I saw you as beautiful. I saw you as blameless, harmless, innocent and whole. I saw you as God sees you.
Even though you didn’t literally kill someone, some could say you killed my innocence. But no one has that power. And now it doesn’t matter what you need. I would give you my last dollar, the shirt off my back. You are my brothers and I love you.
Ali Warren, June 2012
Related Bible citations
Matthew 5:44 Luke 6:27-29
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Crying for joy by Heike Verleih
Love ‘em ’til it’s gone by Jay & Tessa Frost
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Topics: Bullying, Hate
In recent years I’ve been thinking more and more about a scene from a movie I had seen a decade or so ago. Adaptation, a movie with Nicholas Cage playing two twin brothers–one brother, an extrovert surrounded by love and friends and the other an introvert–brooding, self-absorbed, and often alone.
The scene is near the end of the movie when the quieter brother asks his popular brother how he does it and mentions an instance back in high school where his brother had loved a girl even though she and others had made fun of him behind his back. The extroverted brother had replied that he really did love this girl, knew that she was making fun of him, but refused to stop loving her. He said:
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That’s what I decided a long time ago.
Lately, when I’m tempted to resent or let go of certain relationships because they’re challenging, sometimes I think of this scene and it helps me to remember that resentment, hatred, etc do not have the right to keep me from loving. I too, “can love whoever I want” and it’s my choice to realize that the love is mine and that nothing has the right to take it away.
“Who hates me, who hates me, who hates me?” I thought this morning, in the spirit of today’s RA :) Nope, couldn’t think of anyone, so I moved on.
Got a call later from a friend who asked me to pick up her son from our local high school nurses office and take him home. As I stepped through the door, and my eyes met the head nurse’s, I remembered. “Oh yeah, here’s who hates me”!
Years ago when I trudged my son’s enrollment paperwork from office to office for processing, visibly missing were his immunization records. To the nurse’s initial dismay and then outright disagreement, I explained our family’s religious or personal beliefs allowed us to opt out. I was perfectly within my rights but that didn’t stop the nurse from angrily lecturing my son and I on how our practices – she might as well have said selfish irresponsibility – made it unsafe for him and others. Both my son and I called her a bad name when we left her office shamed that day. Then when California mandated a particular immunization, I brought in the record to the nurse. Unfortunately, I needed the same record for his college but I’d given Nurse Meanie the original. When I went to retrieve it, she assured me I’d never brought it in, that she had nothing on file. She went so far as to say that it was unlikely there would be any record since our family didn’t believe in immunizations. I really felt at the time that she was being spiteful.
Over the years, I’ve been back to the school a few times to pick up my nephew or niece when they didn’t feel well and then today my friend’s son. Each time I’ve gone back, she always does the same thing - sees me, scowls, furrows her brow and asks with a tone of puzzled suspicion, “do I know you? I feel like I know you.” I always act like we’ve probably never met.
Today, after giving me the third degree for picking up someone else’s kid, she continued in conversation with another nurse, who was chatting about her past. “If I had to go back in time I wouldn’t change anything” said the other nurse, and then Nurse Hostile replied “I’d change a lot of things. I’d have a better childhood, I’d have more fun”. And I watched her face sadden before my eyes and my heart melted a bit. To my own surprise, I suddenly jumped in the conversation saying “you know, each time I walk into this high school, I get butterflies in my stomach”. Nurse Melancholy, now curious, asked why. And I confessed “because high school was really difficult for me and when I come here, it’s like I’m back there all over again.” And she looked at me so earnestly and openly and beamed “I LOVED high school! Those were the best years of my life!” And I watched her memory take her back, and she visibly brightened and then she smiled at me, for the first time ever. She has a lovely smile.
It’s possible that this nurse and I could think polar opposites in everything - for sure our views on preventative healthcare and high school - but I feel like our ‘hate’ slate got cleaned today and I’m so grateful that Radical Acts is tuning me into transformative possibilities such as this.
Oh I love your story! And I love how it’s never too late to redeem the past. I’ve experienced it more than once…sometimes something that I didn’t even know needed redeeming becomes obvious and prayer makes it possible. :)
Cleaning the “hate” slate — how glorious is that — after so many years! Here’s my own example: http://time4thinkers.com/7-forgive-70-x-7/#comment-22839
Tricia I could just feel the cold emanating from the nurse. I love how you brought out the warmth in her.
When I first saw this Radical Act I also asked myself “who do I hate”. That’s easy. I hate the people who make a living selling drugs to high school kids. They know the kids are vulnerable, they know they have money and they go after them. They market to them. It’s a lucrative business. Kids never know what hit them.
My son went to a boarding prep high school. I knew I was in trouble when I mentioned pot to my son’s advisor and there was zero response. The school culture was not in line with mine. Polar opposite. But I still trusted that the school administration would have the students’ best interests at heart. Until a boy was rushed from an off campus party to the hospital – a drug overdose. Off campus parties were explicitly against school rules. However the school policy was that no questions would be asked in such an emergency if the Headmaster was called. The students invoked that caveat. Thankfully the boy was saved. Almost the entire student council was suspended from school – but not dismissed which, without the caveat, they would all have been. Then the parents rolled in, many from long distances and the campus was roiled in fear, anger, and hate. At a parent meeting the Headmaster stated on behalf of the administration “we are not here to teach morality. We are only here to teach your children so they will get into college”. My hand went up, involuntarily. I asked in all sincerity and I am ashamed to say naively why couldn’t morality be part of the curriculum. The Headmaster’s eyes flashed and he sliced me deeply with a cutting remark so that the room erupted in cruel laughter. The other administrators sitting with him steeled their bodies. But their response was nothing compared to a few other parents. They were the ones who had been hosting such parties, with full knowledge of what went on.
I was pretty shaken after that meeting. Not only did I not fit in, but I felt for my son. Young and vibrant and oozing creativity and energy. How could he survive this environment? He did, and that’s another story.
I did too. And later, at graduation time, one of the moms looked me in the eye and quietly said that she and her husband totally agreed with me.
It would be interesting to have a real conversation with the Headmaster someday. How did I ever miss that a school is a business too.
I’m pretty calm about it all now. I don’t hate the Headmaster or the school. There is a brick on campus with my son’s name on it. He was a part of it all, our family was a part of it all. We all grew together.
I do work every moment, every day to see through the view that life is all about the physical – buying, selling, eating, drugging, profiting. It helps me to not hate. Anyone.
Gates
Little hates
m
a
k
e
little gates
t
h
a
t
cannot swing
L
o
v
e
i
s
for opening.
by Ann C. Stewart
Love this!
There are a couple of relationships in my life that I’ve been praying about for awhile. They continue to be challenging. But in the process of resolving them, I’m learning a lot. They are good opportunities for demonstrating that Love truly is the only power. Its so important to take a stand for this, especially in the face of hatred, anger, and injustice. There is so much that tries to divide us in life. You look at the conflict, war, and violence that seem to plague the world. These challenges need our prayers. But it all starts with how we are interacting with others in our own lives. I’m working on demonstrating more unconditional love with those around me. Its not easy. It takes a lot of humility and patience. But I love what I’m learning in the process.
Hi Nina, Actually that is a quote from Mary Baker Eddy’s book, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, page 454:9-10. The quote reads: ”Human hate has no legitimate mandate and no kingdom. Love is enthroned.” Mrs. Eddy was not just trying to sell books with quotes like that. She was speaking from her own experience. She lived in a period when women were not supposed to preach or heal, and because she did both, she was run out of town for healing a woman who was dying in child birth, and she received hate mail and other threats. Some of her own students, who were very jealous of her success but could not heal as she could because of their negative thoughts, tried to sue her and malign her in the media. But she always responded with love and forgiveness. She ended up succeeding–not only bringing healing to millions of people, but also overcoming all the limitations that had been placed on women, long before women received the right to vote in the U.S. She knew from experience that “one with [divine Love] is a majority” and each of us can demonstrate that in our lives!
Christine, thanks for supplying the context for the quote “Human hate . . . .”
Your mention of women’s right to vote in the U.S. reminds me of the PBS program, “The Abolitionists,” which aired last month and is available online: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/films/abolitionists).
Yes, it’s long (the three parts are condensed into one viewing). But everyone I know who has watched it has been so grateful to learn more about the small band of radically-inclusive Christian warriors who knew, deep in their hearts, that slavery was a sin against God and against their fellow man.
It amazed me to learn that the constitutional amendment outlawing slavery was signed less than two months before Mary Baker Eddy discovered Christian Science!
As the film’s narrator explains (see http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/transcript/abolitionists-transcript):
“Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation had freed the slaves, but it hadn’t outlawed slavery itself anywhere. That could be accomplished only by amending the Constitution. In December of 1865, the United States was finally cleansed of its original sin when the 13th Amendment was added to the Constitution, banning slavery in all the states, forever.”
Appropriately and eloquently, Mrs. Eddy wrote of freedom from all kinds of slavery (see pages 225-227 of Science and Health). Perhaps thinking of William Lloyd Garrison’s newspaper, “The Liberator,” she penned these immortal words, “Love is the liberator” (225:22).
Wow! Thanks for sharing all this LittleChild! After seeing the movie “Lincoln”, I really want to know more about that period, so I’m looking forward to watching this movie on the Abolitionists. It’s so inspiring to see people who recognize a moral wrong such as slavery and refuse to stop working until it is eliminated, even in the face of danger. That’s what real Love is all about.
LittleChild, it’s interesting to note that, in addition to the “radically-inclusive Christian warriors” you mention above, there were many Jewish abolitionists. Including a distant uncle of mine who I was taught to revere when I was a little girl. The internet tells me that he led “Philadelphia’s oldest and one of America’s most prestigious congregations.” And that he “maintained his public advocacy of the cause of abolition…in the face of tremendous pressures, a one year suspension of his preaching privileges, offers of bribes, and threats of dismissal from the board of his own Congregation.” The internet also tells me that he was just one of many Jews who were “radically-inclusive warriors” in that great cause. Seeing what you’d written, I felt like I had to drop this in!
Nina, that’s wonderful to hear about your abolitionist ancestor! This past year my sister discovered our partly Jewish heritage, and the extermination of two of our family members in the Nazi death camps. So I hear you loud and clear.
I thought twice about using the word “Christian” for several reasons. Several of the abolitionists who were brought up in Christian denominations left the church partway through their fight for slaves, because they saw it as an institution impeding rather than helping freedom for non-whites. Also, I recalled one of the comments I read on the PBS website — a complaint from a Quaker who felt that mention should have been made in the film of the good work done by that faith’s amazing work on behalf of runaway slaves. In any case, what I was trying to get across, using the word “Christian” in a broader sense, was that these people were motivated by love of God and their fellow humans. I sometimes call one of my atheist friends a “Christian” in the way she expresses such Christly compassion for all beings — and she smiles with understanding.
But however I meant the word, thanks so much for the correction and your inclusion of justice-seeking, freedom-loving, Love-living Jews. :-))))
I love the way you put this. My (atheist/Jewish) mom is one of the most amazing Radical Actors I’ve ever met, and she also makes the best matzoh ball soup on the planet! :)
I love this discussion, Nina and LittleChild. I never realized that there were Jewish people actively involved in ending slavery in the US. And the discussion of what is truly “Christian” takes us to the heart of the matter. Isn’t it interesting that CHRIST Jesus was a Jew! His teaching transcended all religions. He taught that God is the Father of every single one of us, and that God’s love for us is unconditional and lifts us out of suffering, sin, and conflict. So for me, the true meaning of “Christian” and “Christianity” transcends any human organization. Ghandhi was hindu but a true Christian! The Jews who worked to stop slavery were true Christians. It has to do with how we treat others rather than what building we enter or what club we join. Expressing God’s all-embracing, healing love to everyone is true Christianity, and there are even people who may have rejected religion but who practice true Christianity!
A little-known corner of Radical Acts is the books and media section, where you’ll find a great review of a documentary available free online called “Jesus the Jew.” Christine I think you’d love it: http://time4thinkers.com/communicating-the-christ/
I didn’t feel a huge affinity for this RA until this morning. I thought, hey, I know there are people who don’t like me out there, but hate? Don’t think so.
Then last night I was talking with a friend and sharing a series of stories about someone who did hate me. She was a member of my family via marriage. She did some really, really malicious things to me…things that other people saw and were shocked by. Eventually my husband stepped in and told her she couldn’t communicate with me anymore.
He was my knight in shining armor.
But I still didn’t feel safe. The hate was still out there. Aimed at me.
And then she passed on. I was in the uncomfortable position of being relieved that someone had died. The relief was mixed with discomfort though. And I felt compassion for her. I had never ever meant her any harm and her feelings didn’t seem rational at all to me. I thought how sad it was that she tarnished her life with hate.
But I realized this morning as some friends and I gathered to read today’s RAs blog for the challenge, that I need to forgive…and to LOVE. I’m taking it on today. I don’t want my life to be tarnished even a little with hate.
I pulled this quote absolutely at random this morning to pray with: “Human hate has no legitimate mandate and no kingdom. Love is enthroned.” Try that on your dear departed relative!
“Hey Nina, ready for our Radical Acts meeting?”
“Um….not really.”
“Nina are you OK?”
“Sort of. It’s just that I’m…..hiding. In my neighbor’s garage.”
“Whaaaat?”
“Well, my other neighbor’s chasing me. He reeeeally hates me. He’s been ticked at me for years about letting my dogs swim and play on the beach. Dogs have been playing off leash here since the dawn of time. It’s the culture out here. I try super hard not to let the dogs go near him, but he follows us and sneaks up on us. Then yells and makes me cry. I’ve been praying about it. But…..yeah…..I’m in a garage.”
Long silence.
“Well, I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story. On Radical Acts.”
So two days later, in a cold downpour, I stood on this man’s porch with a box of peanut butter cookies still warm from my oven. I’d called a practitioner, but still my knees were shaking. He was SO irrational. He’d made me cry LOTS of times.
When he answered the door I asked whether, at his convenience, I could come back and try to work out a solution. I even managed to beam at him and say, “Love your neighbor. Right?” Dumbfounded, he accepted the cookies. And didn’t refuse to see me again.
By the time I returned, he’d softened ever so slightly. He still growled and threatened, but he also ceded the very end of the beach to us. I promised to whistle-train the dogs to decrease the chance they’d go near him, and to walk more at mid-tide, not his favorite time.
In the two months since then, we’ve said hello every time we’ve crossed paths. I wouldn’t say his tone was friendly — but he’s not followed or snuck up on us once, nor have the dogs gone near him.
Then the other day I reeeally knew we had this licked. As my neighbor approached from a distance, I successfully whistled the dogs in. He ambled past us, cracked a teeny smile, and said, “Nice job.”
I love this story…and that beach. ;)
So awesome!!!!!!!
YAY! I am so proud of you for handling this situation by using Jesus’ radical teachings! and I am glad you shared the story here.
Thank you, Gordon, for sharing the link to that website! What a powerful example of the Christ love in action–Jami’s childlike innocence, purity and forgiveness cut through the facade of hate and ridicule and helped that young man learn about a love that never fails! As a former criminal defense attorney and teacher in the inner city schools of Chicago, and as a Christian Science practitioner, I have seen so many cases of people who seemed to be filled with hate or violence, but in every case it was an attempt to cover up an aching pain within themselves, or a lack of self-confidence, or a defensiveness after being hurt so many times themselves. Nothing can change that negative behavior except the Christ love which transcends all religion and philosophy and psychology. Human love reacts, but divine Love responds — responds with an unconditional love that never fails to heal because it sees God’s goodness in each one of us.
When I was in grad school, I lived in a house with several other students. We shared meals and each had our own room. It was a great set-up and I made many new friends. But there was one young woman who didn’t get along with anyone, kept to herself and seemed very angry. She began saying means things to me whenever she saw me. One day, a bunch of us were standing around in the living room when she came home. She was very angry and began pushing people out of her way as she barged through the living room. Then she came face to face with me, and said, “I hate you and I wish you’d get outta here!” Without even thinking, I replied, “But I love you and I want to be your friend!” The young woman burst into tears, put her arms around me and just cried. After that we began talking more frequently and she told me how afraid she was at night, so I shared with her how the Bible says she can never be separated from God’s comforting love and protection, no matter where she is or what time of day or night it is. In the Bible Prov. 3:24, God promises: “When you lie down, you shall not be afraid; you shall lie down and your sleep shall be sweet.” Not long after that, she began making more friends, and had a boyfriend. Gentleness and joy became qualities she naturally expressed. I think the reason Christ Jesus could tell us to love our enemies or those who hate us was because he understood God to be infinite divine Love itself (the only true power of the universe), embracing every single one of us and enabling each of us to find peace.
Wow, what a great response in that seeming moment of conflict Christine. It seems like that was probably a turning point for that woman and the atmosphere in your house. Thanks for sharing. :-)
I read the following story awhile ago, and it’s stuck with me. Since this is an ecumenical movement, I thought this story would fit well here, as this is from another Christian website. The story is called I want to be just like Jami and is all about how the power of grace can forge very unlikely friendships, even with someone who seems to hate you.
Gordon, thank you for the link, http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/2011/i-want-to-be-just-like-jami/. What a beautiful story.
Me, Amy, NeverGiveUp – Thank you for sharing your ideas, which I don’t see as contradictory at all.
If your house was on fire, you’d pray AND call the Fire Department, right? Because you know God is there with you, BUT you also realize that the fire fighters are trained and experienced in putting out flames.
No contradiction. Just an opportunity for you to express the intelligence that God gave you.
I like this by Mary Baker Eddy, “Love is especially near in times of hate, and never so near as when one can be just amid lawlessness, and render good for evil.” (Mis. P. 277)
Jesus did sometimes avoid those who hated him and wanted to destroy him by taking a different path on his journey. He counseled us to be “wise as serpents and harmless as doves”.
That’s very true. And I’m not suggesting that people should stay in the path of harm! I’m just saying that prayer is a viable option. It helps you discern when to go and when it’s okay to stay. And it helps you get powerful help when you may not have the choice to go (what if you’re in the middle of an attack and have no way out?).
When people hate you, avoid them.
If they bother you/bully you, get evidence and get the police involved. Bullies hate being exposed.
“Go where you’re wanted and do what works”
You might not want to follow Jesus’ council on this, but many have had powerful experiences when they’ve put it into practice. I’m not saying we should do anything unsafe, but not every situation that includes dislike for someone is dangerous.
Had a dream last night that ended with someone saying horrible things to me. And, a few moments into it, I just said, “No.” They looked stunned. That was it. And then I woke up.
This just supports what Nina said earlier. We CAN say no. God has given us DOMINION. So we can exercise that and not be shy. Let the light shine in the darkness.
I’ve noticed that when we’re being persecuted it means we’re doing something right. Now it requires intelligence and humility to navigate it all correctly, but we have a community, a network, of prayers and people living their prayers for world peace and oneness with divine Life realized by all.
If we ever get caught up in anger, we can let our thoughts rest on the Christ-power that gave Jesus the strength to forgive those who crucified him. Who crucified him…
That’s some mighty power right there.
I just found out about this Radical Acts this weekend. I don’t know that I can do them but I will try. But already this weekend I had some bad experiences. These experiences were not too difficult but I felt I should’ve been treated with more care. I don’t hate the people but I do feel hurt. I won’t see them again but I think about how I could make them feel badly too. Do you have prayers for that?
Hi Minna!
Wow–I have so been there. Betrayal, callous treatment, carelessness can really hurt. And sometimes that hurt seems to last for a long time.
In these kinds of situations, there’s one idea I seem to go back to again and again, and it’s the idea that God’s love is bigger than the hurt. God’s love is more powerful, it’s more persuasive, and it’s more compelling than anything anyone has ever done to me.
I don’t always feel that way at first. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that this fact is true: That the only thing that has ever touched me (or anyone) is God’s love. But I find that as I let God’s love occupy my thoughts, instead of letting the hurt occupy them, as I admit God’s love, remind myself of its power and presence, even feel gratitude for it, the hurt has to dissolve. After all, where is there any room for hurt when you truly feel the presence of all-embracing Love?
For me, it never works to try to get rid of the hurt, or to forgive another person–at least, I find that it doesn’t work for me as a starting point. That’s because as long as I’m starting from the hurt, it’s hard to acknowledge the omnipotence and forever-presence of God’s love. So I would say that to whatever degree you can, begin by looking for examples of God’s love in your life. Acknowledge those. Let the warmth and joy and tenderness of that love encircle your heart and fill your thought. Pretty soon, it won’t be hard to feel your connection to Love–a connection that never could be, and never has been broken. Every healing I’ve ever had of a broken, hurt heart has come as I’ve found that unbreakable connection to God’s love and seen more clearly how that connection has always been there.
Much love to you.
I just remembered a piece I wrote about this issue several years ago. Maybe you’ll find it helpful. You can read it here:
http://sentinel.christianscience.com/shared/view/2jrck1tu23u?s=e
:)
Jenny,
This is very late, but just wanted to give you a huge thank you for an article that I think you co-wrote entitled “Saved from Hate”. It came out about six years ago in the CS Journal and was a HUGE help to me. I have read it many times and it has had a great impact on me. The main idea I got from it was that hatred is not a law. Love is the only law and we don’t have to be impressed with anything else. Thank you for your work on this subject!
Susan
Hey Minna! So glad you’re here – thank you for sharing your time with us.
You know, right here is the perfect opportunity to remember who you are, to discover more of who you really are. Are you a person who wants to hurt others, or are you a person who wants to know why hurting’s not even an option and you can safely and freely shine? I would venture that even just your post here on this forum says it loud and clear that you KNOW you’re loved, in your heart of hearts, and just, right now, it’s tough to see or believe. But you are, and it’s through committing to being YOU, precious, confident, humble you, that you’ll see your capacity to shine invincibly. You’re not just close to God (or far away and needing to get back). You’re what happens when God exists. That’s what God being Cause really means. And you get to live it and give it.
Let your prayer to do good BE your life – don’t feel you have to wait to begin again.
Looking forward to hearing more from you :-)
John I absolutely love this: “You’re what happens when God exists.”
And hey Minna, you say that you “think about how I could make them feel badly too.” Here’s a quote from Mary Baker Eddy that helps me a lot: “Spirit imparts the understanding which uplifts consciousness and leads into all truth.”
What this means to me is that I don’t have to be afraid of my ugly thoughts. When they come I just say, You have no power. You’re not even real. Here’s the truth. Then I shoot back something I absolutely know to be true, like the things Jenny and John shared above.
What happens with me is, the truth may sound like blah blah blah in that moment. I can’t really feel it. But then, a few hours later, I find that the ugly thoughts are gone. Truth does the work. Spirit imparts the understanding.
If it’s a big bad ugly thought I’ve been nursing for a while, it may take more time. But still, Truth does the work. Spirit imparts the understanding. It really helps. It really is foolproof.
Great thoughts, Nina and John. Thank you for sharing.
As I was thinking about this topic further this morning, this song popped into my head. It’s from a Christmas album, so I hadn’t heard it in a while. But when I went back and listened, I loved the metaphor about letting our heart become a stable, like the one Jesus was born in.
Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwMLJ4g4va4
WOW, Way to stick to your business Kate! It makes me think of Jesus saying – make it YES or NO, anything else…..You made it YES!! (Matt 5:37)
Recently, someone told me that a person (I’d long thought of as a friend) had confided in her that she hated me.
Yup, that was the exact word our mutual friend used. Hate.
I am SOOOO grateful that I’ve had this summer of focusing on this RA…not realizing that digging deeply into it AS A LAW, would serve me so immediately.
I wasn’t hurt, impressed, saddened, worried, or interested in “fixing” it.
It was none of my business actually. I loved her. That was my business. Nothing she said, or did, or thought, could re-inform my sentiments. My sentiments were defined by my relationship to God, not to ANYONE else. I love, because I love. I love because God is Love. I love because I keep my eye on the prize…and that prize is not to make someone love (or even like) me. That prize is to feel the presence, power, and science of Love operating as an irresistible law within me…and in the universe.
To do good to those who hate me is to see them as having an in-dissoluable spiritual link to this all-inclusive, impartial, and universal law of Love themselves…therefore to see them as separate from hate….PERIOD.
Mary Baker Eddy’s “The Daily Prayer” has become my “constant prayer.”
“Thy kingdom come,
Let the reign of divine Truth, Life, and Love
be established in me,
and rule out of me all sin.
And may Thy Word
enrich the affections of all mankind
and govern them.”
First it establishes my sinless (separation-less) relationship to the kingdom of heaven within me…to Truth, Life, and Love which reigns unchallenged within my heart.
Then it urges me to put my trust, in the government of mankind, in the power of God’s Word to, moment-by-moment, enrich our affections for good, for peace, for harmony, etc.
There is something so freeing in this prayer, and in leaving God’s business…to God.
with Love, k.
I love this Kate. This has happened to me a lot in work situations. Someone who I hugely admire and enjoy just takes it against me. Every time I’ve grown more cautious around those people — but never stopped admiring and enjoying them. It didn’t occur to me until now that maybe that was a Radical Act. Certainly the results have been positive — work continued to flow smoothly, and in one case a wonderful new friendship blossomed.
When the 24 hour news cycles hammers away with the “antis” -, anti-Islam, anti American anti-republican anti-democratic, etc. pulsing with suggestions that we must hate because we’re hated, I remember an experience that’s been a spiritual touchstone for me.
Back story - living in England for a year, still trying to break into the social scene of moms at my son Max’s school. I’d lived internationally before but had never felt like such a foreigner! After school pick-up was especially awkward and the only mom I noticed standing alone like me was the woman in the hijab.
Then 9/11 happened. And in those first few weeks when everything felt off kilter and intense, Max came home telling me that on the playground, the Muslim mom’s son kept making statements like “I hope Osama bin Laden kills all the Americans.” Yikes!
Of course it was appropriate to report this to the teacher, but as I prayed about it, one idea repeated itself - YOU have to talk to the mom. Yeah right, for all I know the whole family’s got it in for that one American family at school -us. So I did my best, true to Jonah, to avoid even eye contact with her. It was so unlike me to ignore a situation that was clearly troubling my son (never mind me) that I had to admit to myself that I was succumbing to post 9/11 paranoia and prejudice.
The day came however, when I was parked next to her. Heart in throat, God’s command - talk to her - in my ears, no idea what to say, I jumped out of my car and knocked on her window. When she turned and saw me, I read wide-eyed fear on her face. My heart instantly melted. Shouting through the closed window, I blurted “I’m SO SORRY about what happened!” And she burst out “Oh! I am too!” My voice cracking with emotion, I asked “do you want to go for coffee?” (what?! exclaimed the paranoid voice in my head. Coffee with her?!) She quickly unrolled the window and immediately replied she would get time off work the following week. We agreed on a café and said our goodbyes. We exchanged names. This was the first time I’d ever spoken to Fatima.
As the week went on, moms approached me at pick-up with their condolences for “my country”. And God whispered “tell what you’re doing”, so I’d say “I’m having coffee with Fatima next week”. And every time the response would be –
“Can I come too?”
By the end of the week, the group was so large, a mom offered to host the get together at her house.
On the Great Day of Coffee, there were at least ten of us, representing five continents no less. As we sat down on couches with our cups and cakes, Fatima took off her hijab and revealed a beautiful head of hair that none of us had ever seen, explaining that among friends, she didn’t have to be concerned about modesty. The symbolism of her simple act of trust opened the floodgates of conversation for the next couple hours. Ultimately, it was a holy gathering, a United Nations of mothers, unified by hearts and not a few tears. We explored and felt the powerful blessing of mourning together and wanting peace together. Regardless of country, customs, religion or culture, Mother Love upholds and defends the common ideal that all children deserve to be raised in safety, with conditions providing for good health, and opportunities for education and purposeful life.
With a new bond of friendship established that day, I felt at ease to alert Fatima to her sons’ behavior which she was shocked at. She later thanked me for telling her and assuring me that she and her husband addressed it and made one change in their household that really helped ….they turned off the 24 hour news cycle.
For Max’s own story of doing good to those who hate…….
http://journal.christianscience.com/issues/2005/1/123-1/just-1-one-good-thing/(language)/eng-US
Wow Ali…what a beautiful post…thank you.
My own practice of this particular Radical Act has been so…radically transforming.
I used to think that there were people who loved me, others that liked me, some that were pretty unaware of me, those who didn’t really like me, and then there were those who actually might “hate” me.
I walked through life hierarchical-izing it that way. Those who loved me I was grateful for and loved back. Those who didn’t…well, I would try harder to earn their affection, trust, respect…whatever it took. But “they” were still “out there”…the ones who didn’t love/like me.
But I have seen (more clearly than ever before) that to see someone as less than loving…as even having the capacity or inclination to “hate” is to actually BE hateful. To project on someone an expectation or perception of them as less than “all loving” and kind…is a form of “not loving.” And I am seeing that I can’t afford the luxury of indulging in that view of ANYONE…no matter how much it makes me feel like I might be the “more loving” one…total ego nonsense.
Mary Baker Eddy says that “Love is impartial and universal in its adaptation and bestowals.”
If I think that someone can be less than fully loving (to me or anyone else) I am saying that they are somehow separated from this law of impartially and universally bestowed Love that is infinite.
There is NO finite, limited, apportioned love…period.
Not seeing anyone as capable of “hate” is the most loving thing I can do. Anything less says that I am willing to indulge in a view of man that is unkind.
with Love, k.
The end of my summer with Radical Acts results in this decision: I am going to join the fire department three miles away from my first one. That is three miles away from those who are still full of active hate and still trying to make sure I will never be a firefighter again.
I was listening to the Christian Science Sentinel Radio Edition this morning and something that a sweet little boy said really struck me. He had been dealing with a bully in his school. When he was recounting what he had learned he said “you can’t judge people by your first encounter with them.” This struck me so clearly. I had been mentally preparing myself for situations and face offs and uncomfortable conversations once I join this new department, but I’m judging these people off of my first encounter with them.
And the decision to join this new department was so clearly not mine, so clearly not something I chose to do. It would be too scary if I just decided I was going to do this on my own, but God was telling it was where I am meant to be. So I am going “back” and will continue to DO GOOD FOR THOSE WHO HATE ME because I will refuse to see these men and any others as anything other than God’s flawless and whole creations.
My time with Radical Acts has been special. I checked into the site almost every day and since I was traveling most of the summer, this was a great place to come and get sustenance and encouragement.
If anyone wants to keep talking about anything I’ve talked about a...@aliwarrenHope.com is where I can be reached :)
THERE WILL BE NO NIGHT THERE.
Blessings Ali! What a beautiful post and a beautiful decision. I hope you’ll continue to share this story as it unfolds.
Of course! I am handing in the application soon, which originally brought me a bit of anxiety. I wasn’t sure why but what certain I wasn’t going to allow it. I knew once I handed in the application, anyone could know my whereabouts, which usually would have caused me to feel fear. But I affirmed in my thinking. I listened to the Daily Lift today and the last comment was very helpful. “Listen for the angels of God’s guidance.” I knew this is what I was being lead to do, so today I will hand in my application with no hesitation! What a long way this has come!!!!
Summer is drawing to a close, but our radical act commitment isn’t.
We don’t often come face to face with real hatred; on a daily basis it’s more likely to be just unfriendly behavior. There’s where we have a choice. #1–React in kind, or, #2– react kindly. We can sort of mentally turn the other cheek, or on the other hand we can choose to send back what we get, which only escalates the unpleasantness and can turn quite ugly, leaving all involved feeling hurt.
Taking this Radical Act to heart, I have pledged to meet every unfriendly attitude with love, patience, kindness.
I tried it the other day in a department store, when a sales person was less than friendly towards me. I could have made a cutting remark and walked off in a huff, but I chose #2. And added a bit of humor in the mix.
And guess what? It worked. We parted on a joke and a smile.
I’m not filing a claim for the Nobel Peace Prize, but peace in the world might just start in small acts like this one.
Ali, thank you so much for your beautiful story. I love the metaphor of you putting your hand through the chainsaw like it was smoke–”like it had no substance.” That’s such a powerful image of the powerlessness of hate.
My story about doing good to those that have hated me isn’t as dramatic as yours, but it’s one that I go back to because it woke me up to the way we’re called upon to be responsible for our own thoughts and actions, no matter how others treat us.
In college, I had a friend who was very hot and cold. At times, we had a wonderful friendship. She was artistic and creative and extremely thoughtful. I loved our conversations. But the other half of the time, she was abusive and mean–saying and doing things she knew would hurt me, and seeming to delight in my reactions.
The situation came to a head my senior year when we lived on the same hall. Her unhappiness was escalating, and seemed to be fueled by the fact that I had been selected to be an RA and she hadn’t. The meanness reached epic proportions, but because we were neighbors, it felt almost inescapable.
One day, after a particularly ugly encounter in the dining hall, I took a walk so I could cry in private. As tears streamed down my face, I thought, “She just doesn’t love me at all.”
That’s when the thought came, “Well, do you love her?”
OK, that was not what I was expecting to hear from God. In fact, it kind of ticked me off a little. I wasn’t the one being mean! And yet, as I forced myself to examine my own thoughts about my friend, I realized that they certainly weren’t very loving.
I realized that this question in response to my despair went along with Mary Baker Eddy’s line in The Daily Prayer which says, “…and rule out of me all sin.” Of course, my friend’s behavior wasn’t right. But the demand on me was to expunge all hatred and un-Godlike thinking from my own thoughts. After all, Jesus didn’t try to change the minds of those who were crucifying him; but he did choose to love them. And this pure love–this disciplined love that didn’t indulge even one iota of hate–was what enabled him to rise from the grave and ascend.
Interestingly, when I focused on loving my friend, the bad behavior didn’t stop instantly, but I was no longer bothered by it. A heart filled with love can’t be barbed, and I just stopped reacting. Pretty soon, she made friends with a new group at school, and we kind of went our separate ways. The interactions we did have as the year drew to a close were more respectful and more caring–and we parted at graduation on a good note.
The demand to love doesn’t always seem easy when we’re facing persecution, but the rewards from doing so are just–wow.
Read it just now. Thanks, Nina! I love how he shared the significant aha’s that allowed him at each point to break through the glass ceiling to spiritual development that tried to stop him. Reminds me of the holocaust survivor story in the blog post that Carlos linked to above, and that is used in Ulrike Prinz’s lecture on Ending Hatred and Violence. Such important stuff.
Hey you inspiring bunch of radical actors,
Your experiences here prompted today’s blog post. I want to support your amazing and wonderful efforts. I hope you will take a look and know that nothing, NOTHING, is able to take the love out of you.
http://www.michellenanouchecsb.com/4/post/2012/08/radical-acts-when-someone-thinks-they-hate-you.html
Beautiful Michelle! And here’s a great blog about the Holocaust that takes this thinking to the global level: http://time4thinkers.com/my-holocaust/
You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you. -John Wooden
I just saw this quote on Twitter. It seems to go with so many Radical Acts, but especially here. This lifts the challenge bar higher for me.
Her fellow firefighters will never be able to repay Ali for seeing and loving the real man in them … for refusing, in her pure, childlike thought, to let the tornado-like flames of oppression and aggression touch them … for defending their innocence from even the smell of hate.
Thank You for this. Like I said, I am very much dealing with this trying to become more real than God right now and this blog stream is so inspiring and comforting and affirming and helpful :)How remarkable it is to see someone change right in front of your eyes, just from you knowing the truth. Right now I am working to see the truth about a poverty stricken environment, a corrupt government and an assortment of men who feel they don’t have any fight left. I feel like I’m the only one yearning to see the Good and sometimes I feel too weighed down by the old fear that could creep up. But what came to me today was simply this : “God saw that the light was good and He separated the light from the darkness.” THERE WILL BE NO NIGHT THERE!
This is a very thought-provoking blog. In an extreme situation a family member was being stalked. It wasn’t life-threatening but annoying, and at times scary. I prayed non-stop and others also prayed. When I loved this stalker it seemed like they were right back in our lives. When I stood very firm knowing evil was not real there was a break for awhile, but not permanently. Finally, the analogy of a ferocious tornado swirling around came to thought. I saw that this stalking person was not strong enough to shut the tornado out but let it come in. The tornado took over their thoughts and acts. THEN – I could clearly see that the evil was completely impersonal, unreal, and I could love the truth about the person. I had the God-given right to deny evil, and so I focused on denying the tornado of aggression and obsession, completely separate from the stalker. I did this with great mental strength and consistently. The situation was solved very quickly after that clear revelation.
Sometimes when I’m having trouble loving someone I just say, ‘there really are no people outside of God, there is just God.’ We don’t lose man by turning from the mortal picture and concentrating on God. This view of Truth harmonizes the situation. We all can defend our thought every day, pray for ourselves diligently so we can be clear enough and strong enough to block the tornadoes from our experience. Evil is never a person. God gives us the strength to both love good and resist a dream. God keeps us safe!
I get stopped up from loving when someone hates me because I get such hurt feelings.
Joe, I hear you. I think that is something that we all are working on. I think this is where we have to let God into the picture. Just some little glimpse of Love that is bigger. Some little piece of lightness that will allow us to let go a little of the hurt.
I know that I, myself, without the aid of prayer and great desire to get better, would not be able to get passed the pain of hurt feelings. But, there is prayer. There is reaching out to God who is bigger, whose love is more. A love that is unchanging, and doesn’t depend upon feelings.
It’s something we all face, and, like Paul says, “we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Hurt feelings can’t hold us forever.
Absolutely Joe, that is such a natural reaction and one I really struggle with as well. It is so hard to see someone as God’s image when they have done something hurtful. I try to seperate the person from their action immediately. It is much easier to love them and to feel nothing but love when you see that hurtful action as just mortal mind with no real power behind it.
Feeling hated is the worst feeling, especially when you didn’t do anything to deserve it. Separating the action immediately helps me to dissolve some of those feelings right off the bat. When I feel more in control of my feelings and not so quick to anger, I can think more clearly about the person.
Love Love Love. It’s all about Love. Always :)
This is such an inspiring thread…wow…
I have found that the most demanding way of living this radical act is to love myself when there is something I have done, or a character trait that I exhibit, that I really really really don’t like (I’ve asked my children not to use the word “hate” so I want to walk my talk!!)
Self-hatred leads to the worst kind of treatment of others. We are dismissive of them because we can’t imagine that they would really want to be with us. Just as when we point out the faults of others, there are three more fingers pointing back at us, when we mentally point out our own faults to ourselves, there are three more pointing outward at those around us.
I have never wandered down the path of self-loathing without eventually resting on the park bench of comparisons. Either because I need to see where i fit in the hierarchy of “not good enough,” or because my ego can’t stand to be alone in thinking that I am the ONLY one who is as small as I think I am.
Loving my spiritual selfhood…loving the me that reflects the wholeness of divine goodness, and seeing that this goodness is undivided from its Source, and therefore common to all of us, is the beginning of living free of hatred. Hatred isn’t personal. It is only the supposed absence of Love. It is an offense against our concept of God. It says, “God, you aren’t who you say you are…infinite, impartial, universal, Love. You aren’t All-in-all.”
I used to think it was okay if I hated myself. But hatred is not selective. When I believe that I, or someone else, could do something to me (or to someone else) that is loathsome and justifies my hatred, I believe that God has lost control of His creation, is weak and impotent in governing my affections. I just can’t dishonor God that way.
But, when I love myself (even in the midst of the insidious suggestion of self-loathing) I exercise a spiritual muscle that once strong and flexible can embrace, and lift, and love more universally, impartially, and unconditionally…and then I actually FEEL my oneness with God…with divine Love.
This is the way I am striving to live more radically
Ali’s comment makes me think of an insight I had several years ago that has been extremely helpful.
Long ago I struggled deeply with depression. Ultimately I was completely healed and rocketed forward into a new and very confident life.
In the years that I was struggling with it, I had to learn to defend myself. This was, maybe, the most difficult thing I have ever done. The insight that broke a hole in the wall of fear was not what I had been expecting. It was this: “Your enemy, the carnal mind, has no pity on you. It has no care for you. In fact, it wants only to destroy you”
That was an interesting thing to feel. Prior to recognizing that I had been trying to cajole it, put up with it, get around it. But when I realized that, first of all I had an enemy, and second of all, that it would stop at nothing to get the best of me (I saw this firsthand) THEN I really felt that I needed to defend myself. And when I FELT it, I did it.
It was a slow and messy process. But, with my back against the wall, I found that I was a whole lot stronger than I had thought I was. When it became clear that the thoughts of mortal mind were 100% useless/dangerous/merciless to me, then the only way was to let go and defy them.
I think learning to stand up for yourself is the hardest lesson that anyone ever has to learn, especially because it is usually simultaneously accompanied by a purifying process. On p.455 of S&H, we read:
“A mental state of self-condemnation and guilt or a faltering and doubting trust in Truth are unsuitable conditions for healing the sick. Such mental
states indicate weakness instead of strength. Hence the necessity of being right yourself in order to teach this Science of healing. You must utilize the moral
might of Mind in order to walk over the waves of error and support your claims by demonstration.”
So it’s helpful to get absolutely clear, in ones own mind, on the concepts of sin and morality, because so long as one holds onto anything that they might later condemn themselves for (consciously or unconsciously), it becomes a lot more difficult to rise in that spirit of Christ out of self-condemnation and guilt. But mortal mind, the devil, depression, the first lie… whatever you want to call it… loves to keep people in just such a state, since it is a state unfit for healing.
So I wrote the opening comment to this Radical Act a few months ago, when that situation from my felt resolved. I felt like I’d grown up enough, I’d recognized that the things they said were true about were never true, and that I was in fact the entire time, whole and indestructible. I felt like it was in the past.
And then it became terrifyingly apparent that these people were still trying to hurt me. For the first few days after the truth came out, I didn’t have much of a reaction. I thought it was because I was over it but I was just avoiding the true feelings; fear. It is easy to sit here and say “oh yes, I prayed and this situation is healed.” But that is not reality. Reality is, mortal mind wants to break in every moment of every day. It tries to corrupt our thoughts and if we let it, it will take over. All the suffocating oppression I felt during my years in my first fire house was suddenly right in front of me and like a heavy winter coat, I could have put it on again and felt its weight.
I chose not to. And it is sometimes that simple of a choice. You say no. Every minute of every day, you refuse to accept anything as more real than God. Every once in a while I have to refuse it again. I become quiet and calm the rampage of thoughts that wants to take me over and God is there every time. He is the only power and source.
This simple comment is such a gift to Radical Acts. Because it’s fun to pray ourselves into clarity. To blast some monstrous misconception to smithereens and proudly tell the tale. But what about the lonely moment later when its fragments reassemble back into the old story? As Ali says, we have a choice.
Good actions gives strength to ourselves & inspire good actions in others. -Plato
I love all the sharing that is going on here. These Radical Acts certainly apply to everyone and every life. Even though I feel like I have had so much practice with this RA, sometimes the outright and destructive hate of others catches me off guard. Flipping through S&H this morning I came across this phrase on page 521 “The harmony and immortality of man are intact.” That no matter what looks to be happenIng, it is just the dream. We are always intact.
Hey guys…
check out this Story entitled “I WILL LOVE, IF ANOTHER HATES”:
http://www.michellenanouchecsb.com/4/post/2012/06/i-will-love-if-another-hates.html
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
It is definitely difficult and I certainly have not mastered it. But one thing that makes it easier for me is to do my general spiritual preparation for the day by reading the Lesson and saying the Daily Prayer. These are a kind of passive protection against negative ideas, but you also need to complement it with active protection by reversing the negative thoughts you have as you are having them. Another thing that I’ve experienced is that it is never too late to love someone. You may never see them again, but changing your thinking about them, even years after the fact, helps you to be more prepared for similar situations in the future.
I have been really appreciative of how people have been welcoming of all sharings – even ones that seem much smaller in scope. So I am glad to offer this brief story. I am offering it because I want to share how much difference that expression of good or love can make for the one who has made a poor decision.
Some friends were visiting for the weekend and we were all going snowshoeing. I had been told from the get-go that they really needed to be home by a certain time, so I felt a great responsibility to make sure we went on a pleasant but short trail. However, I let a prideful sense of adventure get the best of me, and we ended up on a trail that took us way longer to return on than I had thought. On the whole walk back, watching the clock tick down, I was getting more and more frustrated with myself that I’d potentially ruined their evening’s plans. I hadn’t don’t anything hateful to them, but I hadn’t acted with their best interests at heart.
As we were almost back to the car, one of these friends started walking with me but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything beyond a sad and quiet apology. He was quiet for a little bit and I really expected him to speed up again and walk on by himself. But instead he turned to me and just had a very natural smile on his face and thanked me for taking them on this hike. He expressed love to me in such a sincere way that it absolutely brightened the whole afternoon. He didn’t go off on any speeches or anything – he just assured me that all was well.
Whether someone has expressed outright hate to you, or has just been thoughtless (as I was on that afternoon), the tender expression of sincere love makes such a difference. Looking back, this was really a very small event – but recounting it here has brought me to tears in gratitude for this “undeserved” and amazingly effective expression of Love.
So, essentially, this is meant to be an encouragement to everyone considering and living this extremely Radical Act: the good you do and the love you share IS felt and is so appreciated. That afternoon, my friend essentially ‘gave me permission’ to see myself as God sees me – to forgive myself. I am so grateful that even in this small incident, Love ruled the day (as it always does and will).
I have been noticing recently how we call an experience “small” and then go on to tell of the enormous spiritual riches we received from it. :)
I love that story, and love to think about the riches of forgiveness on both sides of the forgiving. It’s always a big deal to forgive and be forgiven!
Thank you all for the beautiful, honest, powerful sharing happening here. God is at work.
Martin Luther King said some beautiful things about loving those who hated him. More importantly, he lived it.
In his acceptance of the Nobel Peace Prize he explained his perspective on Gandhi’s successful use of non-violence, “He struggled only with the weapons of truth, soul force, non-injury, and courage” (http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1964/king-lecture.html).
He recognized that the hate of his enemies was a cry for help. It was a twisted way of saying, “I’m afraid and I don’t know what to do!” It was a showing of their chains, that they were the oppressed, not the oppressor. That they were spiritually dying and wanted to feel the light they knew they were made with – the light that God let be.
Another preacher for Truth, Mary Baker Eddy, rejoiced in what she termed chemicaliztion, hate, evil and corruption all coming to the surface to show its powerlessness,
“The breaking up of material beliefs may seem to be famine and pestilence, want and woe, sin, sickness, and death, which assume new phases until their nothingness appears. These disturbances will continue until the end of error, when all discord will be swallowed up in spiritual Truth.
Mortal error will vanish in a moral chemicaliztion. This mental fermentation has begun, and will continue until all errors of belief yield to understanding” (Science and Health, 96: 15-23).
And what allowed both Dr. King and Mrs. Eddy to make such bold statements? They understood, through their individual communing with their heavenly Father, divine Mother, God, what is being trumpeted in this very discussion.
That Love is All. What else can we do, but obey our purpose as children of this Light?
Nilaya, I SO know what you mean. I think it’s pretty common and normal to know that we are “supposed to” love people who hate us, but initially feel like we don’t want to. And, to give my answer to your question – Yes! I think it does take a lot of work! But, the thing is, the reason to love those who hate us is not so we can “be good”, it is to relieve ourselves and others of the terrible feelings of hate and fear.
Loving those who hate us may be work, but it is THE MOST practical thing to do. What else has the power to take a bad situation and turn it into a good one?
Also, if it doesn’t happen immediately, don’t worry about it! I know I work on this one every day! I get mad in the car a lot! Feel offended, etc, etc, etc. But I am getting so much better than I used to be at bringing love to mind more quickly. These days I remember more rapidly to think of the person in the other car as a whole person with a family and friends and hopes, and not just the mean thing they did to me.
In my experience it IS hard work to love those who hate you – but it’s the BEST work. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it!
I love MBE’s statement on page 15 of S+H – “Christians rejoice in secret beauty and bounty, hidden from the world, but known to God.” In this work of loving those who hate us, we begin to be Christians, and consequently are able to see the secret beauty and bounty – the goodness of even the people who have hurt our feelings.
I was driving in the car this morning and made a little mistake and the woman next to me made the ugliest face and yelled at me. I did not feel like loving her. I admit that I need to be more careful behind the wheel but her meanness made a big impression on me. Who here has really immediately loved someone who hates them? Doesn’t it take a lot of work?
Something I’ve found helpful is to immediately separate the action from the person. It’s so much easier to love a person when you don’t associate the behavior with them.
I’m absolutely still working to do a better job at this, but I find that if I go into situations expecting good and with an understanding that no one can affect me unless I let them, I can react with Love when a situation arises that might otherwise inspire less kind feelings from me.
WOW!! this is so inspiring and let me assure you that this is our first demand as God is Love and nothing can separate us from this divine love.
i have been passing through some critical situation where hate could fill my thought but the idea that God’s demand for each one is good; Life, truth and love has allowed to overcome and come out from it.
so let us start experiencing this divine kingdom which is within ourselves and be obedient to this divine principle.
What an astonishingly honest and hopeful response. I too have found the same, as I continue in my work environment. Sometimes I still get so full of hate, so full of anger for the way this world is. I see horrible things as a firefighter, horrible things that people do to each other. And I feel some of those things projected on me. I feel small. I see darkness and no hope around me sometimes and then I wonder what can I do to get it right in my head? NOTHING. I can do nothing. And so I just let it go. I let it go, as you did. Our feelings are so fickle. They tell us we are feeling one way this moment and the opposite way the next. But you put it beautifully. We are not a person with feelings. This world is not populated by billions of people with individual feelings. ALL IS GOD.
Thank you so much for sharing. You are so loved.
I can’t image what would’ve happened if I’d been there. There she lay cold as death, no more movement. Then, as the words of God spoke to her, and woke her, she too awoke. We all thought we’d lost her this time. It’d come close a few times before throughout several years. She was awake, but paralyzed. For days we watched her get better, moving up and lying down to moving around the house more. Then he got mad. His fist met the table. This was not the first time, but had been numerous years since the last. Instead of growing even better, we noticed she suddenly grew rapidly worse. I couldn’t image the words coming from her lips. It was like a nightmare playing over and over again in my head. She wasn’t healthy and for years couldn’t do it, but and she still couldn’t do but he made her – he forced it upon her dying heart and her immobile body that already lay in pain. He hadn’t hurt me, but he’d made my already dying (yet recovering) mother close to death again. I was NOT going to sit by and allow him to almost make us lose her again. Maybe the next time for good. I wanted to kill him. My mom needed to leave – she wanted to leave…so we left – we left states and found her a healthy, loving, safe place. We left without notice and when he was gone. And I was glad I was driving away, because I knew I would have regretted killing my father, not to mention getting sentenced for murder. I had so much hate and anger and yet, I knew better. I knew the whole while I was supposed to love him. I knew the whole time that it wasn’t really God’s man who could do such a thing, but for my whole life, I’d watch mortal man throughout the whole world in too many relationships I knew being this controlling and selfish animal. I didn’t WANT to love, I didn’t WANT to forgive, I didn’t WANT to progress my thought. I just wanted to wallow in my self-absorbing intensive hate….
…yet, I knew how unhealthy it was. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be help my mom if I couldn’t love my brother, too, who was with us. I knew I wouldn’t be able to help my relationship that God wanted me to be in if I hated my boyfriend. So I got help, too. Then I just let it go.
I didn’t TRY not to hate…I didn’t even TRY to love. I just let it all go. And this is what I found: I found that I wasn’t a person with feelings. I found that God had made only one man as He says in Genesis 1. I found that if there was only one man, then all men made up that one that was made in HIS likeness- in spirit. I found that God being All, He was all action. HE loved – and that was all. I found that I didn’t have to do anything because I never COULD do anything. It was evil who was hating…and hating what? Itself by all odds. I saw that there wasn’t a person who had done evil NOT because that person was naturally good and in reality only good, but because there was NO PERSON to BE bad…nor good. All was God.
All IS God.
THis is so beautiful. How powerful to have those feelings drop away, and to feel that love is not from yourself as a person, but from GOd. Yes yes yes.
After reading Ali’s experience I found myself at a loss of words. I tried to capture what it must’ve felt like to feel that deep sense of hate. I reflected on my life and have only experienced hate in the dramatic form, I think of high school and the Mean Girls movie comes to mind.
Love those who hate you.
Its tough to grasp. What I have found this year though, is that people genuinely want to help and be good to one another. Jealously and envy get in the way. Just as in Ali’s story, it seems as though men could not handle a woman in the work place. In our daily experience we need to pray to understand that we can let go of this judgement and envy and once it has no effect on us, the people around us let it go as well.
Ali’s story is inspiring and is a story to follow as we all strive to conquer loving our neighbors and those who hate us.