FORGIVE 70 x 7
I can’t think of anyone I need to forgive 490 times. Can anyone?
Then I remembered one of Jesus most radical statements: “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
Hmmm…now I remember where I need to start in this forgiveness business…and where I could easily find 490 offenses…against my own mental purity, grace, poise, strength…to forgive. They were all in me. I needed to start with forgiving myself.
There’s an old adage: ”When you point a finger at someone, three more are pointing back at you.” Try it.
The more I started thinking about those instances when I felt “victimized,” the more I realized that I was seeing the other person as aggressive, angry, thoughtless, careless, abusive, etc. And in doing so, I was participating in the violation of my own mental purity…the abiding place of my true identity.
No, you’re right, I wasn’t hitting, stealing, gossiping, or abusing that person. But I was thinking angry, dismissive, self-righteous, judgmental thoughts about a child of God. And this always made me feel bad about myself…no matter how much I’d been “wronged.”
I started to see that the most radical way I could practice forgiveness, was to give up my right to be a victim. By cleaning up my own thinking about my neighbor, I could begin to think, and love, in a way that heals and transforms.
Kate Robertson, June 2012
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Matthew 18:21-22
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Let the rains fall by Tabea Mangelsdorf
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What would Jesus see? by Alastair Willis
Try loving a Nazi by Ali Warren
Grace and “ungrace” by Alex Cook
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Topics: Anger, Healing
In thinking today about who in my life I can forgive, I realized that I’ve finally gotten to a place where I can forgive my older brother for being drunk the day after my father died 3 years ago, and causing me to drive an extra 3 hours to pick him up so he could sign the cremation papers with me. He still struggles with alcoholism, and I’ve realized that what he really needs is compassion, not condemnation or anger. I’ve realized that I can think of him lovingly, recognize his God-given nature, and leave him in God’s loving care, confident that regardless of the human picture, God has always been caring for him, and will continue to do so. I can honestly say that when my thoughts turn to him these days, I feel a deep sense of love and compassion.
I’ve been trying to understand more this statement from Mary Baker Eddy today.
“The test of all prayer lies in the answer to these questions: Do we love our neighbor better because of this asking? Do we pursue the old selfish-ness, satisfied with having prayed for something better, though we give no evidence of the sincerity of our requests by living consistently with our prayer.”
Science and Health 9:5-11
Any ideas anyone?
I wonder why sometime we re-play past ills done to us – and not live ‘consistently with our prayer’ for good and divine love. I’m working on this today.
Well, isn’t this saying if we love someone we should prove it by action. Even if it is uncomfortable. Even if it means work, not just sitting and thinking lovely things. I’m thinking of Betty taking the baby in. Clearly she had to bathe, feed and clothe this baby along with everything else she had to do. It was active love. I am not an expert or a saint but a few days ago I felt put to the test on this. My mother wanted me to cook with her. I would have preferred to do something else – strongly preferred. We were making a recipe I’ve literally made 1,000 times yet my mom was pretty sure she knew more about cooking than I. Every moment that morning I met the resistance in my thought to being loving to my mom and overturned it. I wanted to hurry through this experience, but wrestled down the thought. I had to let patience in. And humility. And love for the womanhood and motherhood of my mom. When we had several pans full we were to sprinkle paprika on top. My mom wanted to use her special sifter. It poured, not sprinkled red paprika. My jaw set. And then I thought NO. This recipe has love in it. We scooped it out and saved the dish. I appreciated her graciousness in acknowledging that, oops, she didn’t know everything. I am still thinking about all that I learned from this experience. But I came across this thought in some notes from a friend this morning: “love always has an effect and the greatest effect is on the one who is loving.” Wow.
I love this story Kristin. yep, I’m trying to learn about doing things for others when it’s not convenient to me. It’s easy to do something for someone when it doesn’t cost anything, or take you much out of your way. But to do something for someone that is going to take time, (like in your story) is harder.
In the case of today forgiving someone 70 x 7 maybe when you don’t really want to, or you’re still holding on to the idea of who was in the right or not.
Sitting here listening to Andrew Brewis’ silky-smooth rendition of “Shepherd, show me how to go” as I read your story, Kristin. When I got to your words “And love for the womanhood and motherhood of my mom” these huge tears burst out of nowhere and poured down my cheeks. I felt the purity of God’s love for you and your mother — and the purity of your love for your mom. (Andrew was singing, “Thou wilt bind the stubborn will, Wound the callous breast, Make self-righteousness be still,….”)
In the next instant, I remembered my mom, and how she loved cooking and baking — and how delicious her culinary creations were! This overwhelming love for my mom came over me, and I felt her unconditional love for me — always apparent, even through my most wretched-acting moments. All former feelings of not forgiving myself for sometimes not expressing gentle love to her simply vanished.
So, you see, God sent to my waiting heart angels Kristin and Andrew and, never to be forgotten, that angelic and most humble scribe of “Feed My Sheep” –our beloved Mary Baker Eddy.
We do not know when that welcome guest, Christ’s spirit of forgiveness, will knock at our hearts. Be ready. Let her in. Give her a seat. She will accept it. She will make us new.
I came across this quote this morning from Carrie Fisher: ”Resentment is like drinking poison
and waiting for the other person to die.”
Freeing ourselves from resentment, hatred, and anger starts with forgiving. Its not easy. And sometimes we have to do it over and over again. But it allows us to separate ourselves from the victimization of past experiences. When we’re able to find freedom from them, it helps the other person move away from limiting labels and former behavior.
Couldn’t help but want to share this TobyMac and Lecrae track here: http://youtu.be/xfkhqpl81NA
Also, just thinking about how Christ’s church is completely built on forgiveness. That without forgiveness there can be no church. So no matter what issues seem to be boiling up the solution is always in forgiveness. The church is made out of relationships more than anything else.
Can we fathom that? That church is really a bunch of relationships and has nothing to do with rituals, duties, buildings, or titles? That’s really a big idea. It’s all church…wow.
Here’s a blog post reflecting a little more on that thought: http://holyghostshift.com/2013/02/07/its-about-forgiveness/
Collective forgiveness, the Church, is truly a miracle – much greater then the forgiveness of any one sin or healing. Truly then, the Church represents the greater works that Jesus told us we could accomplish. Amazing!
That is a great blog post, Michael! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Jenny!
I absolutely LOVED reading your comments! I too have often struggled with the same thing, not just about what I’ve said, but also about my behavior, wishing I had acted or behaved differently. Just yesterday I sent an email to a friend because I felt bad for not saying ‘thank you’ or a proper ‘good night’ after being taken out to dinner the other night. It’s as if our (human) love for the other person makes us hyper sensitive about our own behavior, to the point of over analyzing, and in these instances our human love makes us question the way how divine love is operating in the situation! How frustrating is that?!
But, rather than feeling badly for not acting or saying the “right thing” at the end of the evening, there was a passage in the lesson this morning that has been very healing. From Hebrews,
“This is the new covenant I will make with my people on that day, says the Lord: I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.”
” Then he says, “I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds.”
“let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him.”
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”
What this passage signifies to me is that God, divine Love, is directing our actions and our words. We can not sin and repent, pray and be sorry, then repeat the offense again, only to repent a second time. Because there will be no memory of having committed a former transgression, the guilt we feel from those transgressions that we kick ourselves for having done, can be redeemed through our faith in Divine Love. As we go forth with sincere hearts, pure affection, full faith, and confidence in God that our words and actions are being directed by love, the kindness we express can only seek to bless others. We have no room for fear when love is at the helm of our thought, but everything to enjoy on earth and in heaven.
A recent example of forgiveness that I witnessed occurred a week ago between my roommate and an unemployed woman seeking money on the street. Walking in the center of town late at night after a poetry reading, sponsored by our University’s English department, we were on our way back to our apartment when a woman walked up to us, asking for money because she had no cash to pay for gas to get back home. Immediately, I sensed that the situation wasn’t right, and held my guard. However, the unemployed woman gave quite a story to my friend, and, rather convincingly. Although my friend was skeptical, we both felt that the woman asking for the money was being sincere about the situation, and even offered to exchange mobile numbers so that she could pay my friend back the following day. Within a matter of moments, my friend had given the woman a 20 pound note, British currency, which is the equivalent of 32 USD. My friend had given the woman the money on the promise that she would be repaid the following day.
From the moment that we parted ways with the woman, I started praying that there would be a harmonious outcome to the situation. I prayed that my friend couldn’t be taken advantage of, and that the situation would work out through the unfoldment of a greater understanding of principle and love. When my friend hadn’t heard from the woman and there was no sign of her being repaid the money, I continued to pray that my friend couldn’t be harmed or taken advantage of. As it turns out, the following week, when my friend was on the city bus, the same woman who had asked her for money came onto the bus and told a line to the bus driver that enabled her to get on the bus for free. Witnessing the situation, how the woman seemed to live by telling untruths to others, it was clear to my friend that she would not be repaid the money, as the woman obviously did not have the money to pay her. And although the two did make eye contact, my friend did not accost the woman or condemn her for her wrong. Instead, my friend responded with compassion for her, and forgiveness- 70×7.
My friend had not expected to see the woman again, so it was quite a surprise when she saw the woman on the bus. That being said, I can only express gratitude for the situation, as I was moved by how the effort I spent praying metaphysically about the situation played out in my friend’s heartfelt and genuine forgiveness of the woman.
I appreciated this story, Alanna, because it reminded me of an aspect of forgiveness I hadn’t thought about in a while. i.e. How to forgive yourself when you’re condemning yourself because of an apparent mistake, a stupid word or action, etc.
I remember saying something to a friend once that came out completely the wrong way. Only after it flew out of my mouth did I realize how it sounded, how hurtful it could have been. I was very quick to apologize, and she didn’t really seem that bothered by it. But I was SO angry at myself. Why hadn’t I been more thoughtful? Why hadn’t I chosen my words more carefully? How could I have hurt someone (even inadvertently) whom I cared about so much?
And so on.
I found it very difficult to forgive myself for this transgression, but I knew that I had to. The feeling of guilt was awful, and I also knew that I couldn’t be the kind of friend I wanted to be by repeatedly identifying with this behavior. To move forward, I needed to see that it couldn’t be a part of me–the loved and innocent child of God.
What saved me was a verse from a hymn by Mary Baker Eddy. I felt like it was a road map for forgiveness:
“If thou the bending reed wouldst break
By thought or word unkind
Pray that his spirit you partake,
Who loved and healed mankind
Seek holy thoughts and heavenly strain
That make men one in love remain.”
I love the idea that forgiveness is about “partaking his [Jesus'] spirit.” In other words, communing with it, incorporating it into my thoughts and actions, identifying with the Christ-spirit that washes us clean from any sin. As I did that, I found I was able to forgive myself, and to find myself “one in love” with my friend.
Loved the opportunity to remember this experience today.
The most beautiful example of forgiving another 70 x7 that I have witnessed is the example of how my mom takes care of her mother. As a young girl, my mom endured an immense amount of emotional and physical abuse from her mother. But, as my grandmother has gotten older, and become increasingly unable to take care of her basic needs, my mother has never once neglected to take care of her. She visits her almost every day, and constantly prays to see that age can not hinder my grandmother’s mental or physical capabilities.
One day, almost a year ago, my grandmother banged her ankle against the door while walking in her condominium. I had arrived at her apartment to check up on her, a daily routine that my mom and I share together. When I arrived at my grandmother’s, I noticed an incredible amount of dried blood on her ankle. Greatly concerned for her welfare, and feeling unsure about my ability to provide adequate care, I immediately called my mother and told her about my grandmother’s injury.
My mother arrived at my grandmother’s later that evening, to help clean and address her wound. She spent almost three hours washing my grandmother’s feet, and bandaging her ankle. My mother prepared a footbath for my grandmother, where she let her feet soak before washing and scrubbing her skin, addressing the many sore spots on her feet, clipping her toenails, cleansing the blood from her ankle, bandaging her injury, and wrapping her toes in cotton balls so that her feet wouldn’t be as sore when she walked. Even more than the physical attention my mother paid towards taking care of my grandmother’s feet, is the depth of spiritual support she gave throughout the entire “treatment”. The atmosphere surrounding this footbath was pure, heavenly. There was no room for anything but the presence of Christ here. Furthermore, this ritual was repeated consistently for the next few months.
I have been so deeply moved by witnessing the incredible love and care my mother expresses towards my grandmother on a daily basis. I haven’t witnessed a greater example of maternal love, love that is unconditional and forgiving of the greatest wrongs, including severe physical abuse. My mother has certainly been able to demonstrate Christ’s command, forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. I feel incredibly blessed by having both of these remarkable women in my life. I couldn’t ask for a greater mom, or a more profound example of forgiveness.
It’s hard for me to believe that the summer of Radical Acts has shifted into autumn’s harvest. And what an amazing harvest it seems to be on this forum. The fruits of the Spirit are hanging ripe and heavy on “the vine” and from “the branches.”
When it comes to “forgiving 70 x 7″ I am discovering that I — yes, me — am at the top of my list each day. In fact, I am the ONLY one on that list.
If the demand to Love means that I can’t indulge in seeing ANYONE as being out of God’s care and control, then any personal failing I perceive in others, is un-Christian, unkind, and I need to forgive myself for consenting to such a false view of others.
I’m working at it. I need way way way more than 70 x 7 opportunities each day…sigh…
lovingly, k.
My landlord and I have had a strained relationship for the last six months or so. He didn’t respond to my plea for help when things kept breaking, from the toilet to lightswitches. I later learned that he was having family issues and felt very overwhelmed because he had to handle those on top of managing several properties. It occurred to me very strongly to when I was making a huge batch of homemade soup, to give him some. I wrote a note and hung the soup in a bag on his door. Later that day he called and thanked me four times at least for the soup. I’m so grateful I followed this intuition, because the tension is gone between us, and he even has asked if everything is okay in the house.
Love IS reflected in love <3 I felt through the act of being loving, my view of him was washed clean. I feel redeemed.
Hi all…just popping on after a wonderful summer of Radical Act-ing…and it’s all in the “ing”…RAdical Acts as nouns are lovely concepts…but Radical Acts as verbs shake us to the core…in a way that we can never return to the old way of thinking again.
My practice of this Radical Act actually started before I knew that this was going to be “my” Radical Act to launch and monitor…through an experience that I’ve alluded to in an earlier comment…but it now grown to such a immense proportion that I am no longer the same “person” I was when this summer started.
There is something so transformative about uncurling your fist and REALLY letting go of the right to be hurt following a physical, emotional, relational, psychological injury. Without realizing it, that injury starts to define you. Either I was the woman who went through (and survived) an injury/trauma. Or I was the woman who had overcome the trauma and turned it into a spiritual success story…either way, I (my identity) was attached to the injury/trauma.
This was not a easy shift for me. I’d spent most of my life being the girl/woman who’d first: survived, then: overcome, then: thrived, and finally: redeemed. But in each of those cases, I was attached (in some way) to the original injury/trauma.
Something about God’s message of “Nobody owes you anything,” caused a seismic shift in my consciousness of life. I was not a speck on a timeline that I could never step off of…a timeline with mile markers and scenic overlooks (some good, some not-so-good). I was a conscious being who was ONLY defined by my alignment moment-by-moment with Love…with loving, giving, beholding, listening.
How I felt about, and thought of, my life was only as good as how I felt and thought about God. I was, am, and always will be, the reflection (deep pondering) of God. My identity was identical with God’s…each moment. No past injury (or mistake) could contribute to the sum total of my life…
This has been such an empowering and liberating summer. I am no longer the girl/woman who was once… Or who hopes to…. Or who needs this/that to be peaceful, happy, satisfied, purposeful.
I am the child of God who is unconditionally peaceful, loving, happy, satisfied, at home, content, purposeful, …
I am no longer waiting for an apology, mercy, a windfall of resources, someone’s approval, accreditation, acceptance, achievement, etc. I am whole, complete, one with God…NOW!! All I can do is show up…be present, and willing to serve God in the way of His appointing moment-by-moment. For me, this Radical Act is THE most life-altering shift in my life. I don’t have to wait to find my calling, my purpose, my life-work…when we forgive…truly forgive…there is no lack…no absence of anything. We are full of the presence (present: here, present: now) of God. I am not borne blindly by circumstances, chance, benevolence, or injury…I am, with each glorious instant, sent by Love into each moment for a holy purpose…I have no choice…
Or as Martin Luther said, and Mary Baker Eddy quotes at the beginning of the Chapter “Science of Being” in Science and Health: “Here I stand, I can do no otherwise, so help me God.”
To stand as free and innocent as a child. Ready to accept everyone with the compassion and grace…this is the MOST radical act I have ever been asked to practice.
I am soooo grateful for the call to live this act in every moment of my life this summer…it has changed me.
all my love, k.
I’ve had that same feeling about being abandoned by God. Even if Truth is true no matter what, why did something bad have to happen to me when I was trying my best to follow Him? It seems like things come easier to other people and I feel like I’m being overlooked. It seems so unfair. Lots of people have it worse than me I know but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Why are their lives so bad? What did they do?
I know the feeling. I worked a long time on redirecting my thoughts, so when I started focusing on injustice and pain, I would go back to knowing God loves me, God is good, and God is all. The human picture is always going to be flawed. I still struggle with it, obviously (by my post). That feeling of being separate from God is to me THE most powerful mortal mind argument! The basic Adam and Eve story. I worked daily with a practitioner for months on this, which I highly recommend. It was hard but worth it. Since I’m feeling separate again, I’m planning to do it again. Having someone there who is supportive, who doesn’t judge, really helps. Even if you don’t want to do that, know there are plenty of us who have had or are having the same thoughts. But I urge you to keep working to know the Truth even when things seem bleak. I try to forget everything going on around me, and focus on a positive thought – my favorite is “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Hi EK. I’m so glad you wrote into this conversation! You now have a whole community of people routing for your success and freedom.
I can relate to much of what you shared, and forgiveness came for me when I was able to look past the abusive behavior to the real person underneath. No one harms another without feeling broken themselves. This does NOT excuse the abuse, but it does allow us to find a point of compassion for the person – a point imperative to forgiveness and healing.
As I prayed for my own healing, I asked myself what I would want from those who know me if I had done something horrible, what I would want from the one I wronged. I might expect fear, resentment, even hatred, but what I’d want is for someone to see that I felt broken and felt powerless to do anything about it. I would want someone to pray for me, to see God’s reflection in me. I would want, even if I couldn’t articulate it or even admit it, is for someone to love me enough to save me.
When I thought deeply enough about what I would want from others, I felt compelled to offer this to those I felt had done harm to me. It changed my perspective and saved me from the anger and fear I felt. Anger and fear are poisonous to ourselves. There is a line that I believe is attributed to Ghandi that goes something like – feelings of revenge are like poisoning yourself but expecting the other person to die.
Now, you don’t seem to want revenge, but forgiveness and the freedom that comes with it are best paired with a desire for the other’s good. To pray that another is released from the grip of sin and evil, to pray that they see themselves as God sees them – pure and undefiled – to pray that they never again are tempted to hurt someone else, these prayers are beautifully full of God’s love and will release you from ever feeling the victim again. You are in total control of all you think. Filling your consciousness with honest desires for the good of others is one of the most fulfilling and freeing things you can do.
Thanks for those words! It also brings up the issue that I am not completely blameless either, in some cases I have done things that made situations worse. So I can pray to see both them and myself as pure and undefiled. And stop reacting when I feel attacked, but recognize God is protecting me.
I think what’s holding me back the most is feeling abandoned by God in those situations. I’ve worked on it a lot, knowing S/He is always with me, but it’s still hard. I feel God’s presence now, but having people say “it never happened” has a hollow ring. I know that’s the spiritual reality but still. It makes it hard to trust.
I know what you mean about being told something terrible never happened. When you have vivid memories of things, that’s a hard concept to even want to believe. Here’s how I look at it.
If I were to add 2+2 and get 7, it would be a mistake. I may have written it down, used it to calculate my bank balance, even given that answer to others who did not understand that 2+2 is 4. Lots of errors creating lots of problems for me and others. Here’s the fact – I wrote it down and communicated it to others. Here’s the Truth- 2+2 never, ever for a single second, equaled 7. Through all of my mistakes, misunderstandings, financial woes and angry friends, 2+2 always equaled 4. Nothing can ever change that, no event, no faith, no crime, nothing. The right answer will always be there, no matter what. And as soon as I learn or remember the right answer, I can start correcting all that went wrong.
So, do you have an experience of abuse? Yes. Here’s the Truth. No matter what you have experienced, the divine Love that created all remains the creator of you and them. Purity and innocence are still yours, and theirs. Good is still the source of their being and yours. No matter what miscalculations occur in life, the right answers, the Life, Love, and Soul of being always has been and always will be ever-present, consistent, constant. That is how and why you can take those memories and chuck them. They do not accurately represent you or anyone.
It’s not, at this point, about rejecting your experience as having never happened. It’s about realizing that right in the middle of the biggest, most terrible mistakes any of us can make or receive, the Truth is still right there, being true always. God did not abandon you any more than 2+2=4 deserted me in my example above. The Truth doesn’t leave when we don’t see it. It’s always there. We’ve just forgotten it or have misunderstood it. Both those situations can be corrected.
Love is the Principle of the universe. Its rules cannot be broken or changed. So, no matter what, if your experience produced fear, harm, anger, etc, it is not Love that did it. So it literally is a miscalculation or misunderstanding of the operative law, the law of Love, the cosmic/divine 2+2. Get back to basics – learn more about God as ever present Love, and soon you will able to let go of any negative experience because you will no longer see it as accurately defining you.
You are Love’s idea. You come out right, no matter how you add it up.
“Filling your consciousness with honest desires for the good of others is one of the most fulfilling and freeing things you can do.”
I love this concept soo much! Thanks, Dawn-Marie!
Thank you all for your stories. I have spent a lot of energy in my life feeling like a victim, blaming other people for my problems. (I have been in a lot of situations where I have seemed to be the recipient of emotional and sexual abuse.) In the past few years I returned to Christian Science, and I realized I had to forgive the other people involved, and myself for buying into being a victim when the truth is, I am a pure child of God. At first I thought forgiveness was a nice idea, but I didn’t know if I could do it. But after a lot of deep work (some with a counselor and some with a practitioner) I am a lot closer. I can’t say I’m completely free – like someone said, these things seem to crop back up again sometimes – but I am doing much better at it. Recently I got into an argument with my brother. After reading these, I know I need to forgive him and move on. Holding onto that feeling of being wronged is hurting me more than him. MBE says something about keeping the higher purpose in your thought (I forget where), and I realized I haven’t been doing that. Thank you all for your wonderful examples of forgiveness!
Last week I was biking down a main street in my neighborhood and just as I was passing a car, the driver opened the door and I crashed into it, hard. I was stunned, in pain, and for a few seconds, just trying to remember where I was and what was going on.
Then I remembered, I have to think right! I turned around to see the car, and the person getting out of the car. The woman who had opened the door ran over to me, apologizing profusely. She was clearly afraid for me, and feeling very guilty. Then, a wonderful thing happened: I was filled with the thought “She’s feeling terrible. I can help her feel better.”
It was like a door opened in front of me. I could walk through it. It felt so good to not even think about my leg, or the pain, or whatever, and just think of how much I didn’t want her to feel bad. I knew, from the feeling that came with it, that it was right. It was just what I should do. So, a big smile bloomed on my face, and I assured her I was ok. I told her not to be afraid and that I was alright. I smiled at her and was so happy to have this moment to care for her. I really loved her!
People were telling me I should be careful, and put ice on it, and all kinds of other nice things. But I was thinking, this is time to love. And I felt so grateful to be thinking of that. I knew it was my way out of all the supposed pain, frustration, anger, etc., that people believe are part of a bike crash. I felt grateful because I knew that thought to care for her was God’s gift to me. It kept me safe. It wasn’t because I was great and loving. It was because God is great and loving, and his gift to me, his protection for me, was to make me express his love.
We had both calmed down some and the woman asked if she could get me anything. I couldn’t think of anything I needed so I said no. Still she went into a nearby store and came out a few minutes later with a little care package for me – a drink, candies, and some salve. (So nice!) Her boyfriend went to a nearby restaurant and got me a bag of ice. I thanked him and put it on my leg, but quickly realized that ice was powerless, and God’s direction to love has all power. So, I didn’t put the ice on my leg anymore.
After a few more minutes, and a few more opportunities to assure her that I was great, and that she was good and I wasn’t angry, everyone went about their business.
I had been on my way to play in an ultimate frisbee game. So I got on my bike and rode to the game, praising God for being so good. When I got to the game, I pulled on my knee-high socks, put on my cleats, and forgot all about the whole thing. I played the whole game (which we won) :) and never worried about my leg a single time.
There was NO bad effect from that crash. It was as if it never happened, except that I learned to love God, and people, more.
I just found this amazing, touching story about a convicted pedophile, laboring to think through how to be, remain, and become human while serving a 50 year sentence: http://www.dartsociety.org/cms/magazine/2012/01/shakespeare-in-prison/
I am so inspired by all these stories.
I’ve loved reading all your stories of forgiveness — it is truly a radical act to live a life of forgiving oneself and others. I believe that every profound or small moment we work through something and find peace about it in our heart leads us to new opportunities to practice forgiving. I had an experience a few weeks ago while traveling in another country – my black lab was stolen while I’d left her tied up briefly to run into a store and grab some lunch. The young teenager who’d taken her brought her into his housing project area and was mistreating her, until a man came up and told him to stop. The young guy threw the man the leash and said, well, then you take the dog, I don’t want her anymore. Within a very short time, we got our dog back, and she seemed so untouched by the experience. What was astounding to me, though, was how clear I knew we had to be about this young guy who took her. We didn’t realize the town was considered rough where we were traveling, and as the police were searching for our dog, so many comments kept coming up about how lost the young people were in this town. It was so clear to me that I couldn’t agree with any of the comments I was hearing. The minute I realized someone had stolen Reese, I felt so clear that I couldn’t analyze for a moment “what if” or what might happen if we didn’t locate her. The thought that came to me was, there is only Love — and don’t accept anything else. This statement from Mary Baker Eddy relates to it — “To infinite, ever-present Love, all is Love…” and that’s what I just kept knowing. All the experiences I’d had of forgiving worse situations in my past seemed to have prepared me to not even blame this individual but to love him, and I felt such a deep compassion for him. I don’t know that I’ll ever meet him, but I know that I never would have prayed so hard for that remote seaside town had I not been through that experience with my dog, and I trust that the young man’s life had to have been a little blessed somehow too. Every time we focus on the power of good in our lives, it spreads a little of this good out to others – and who are we to say that by praying for this universal good, it won’t bless someone somewhere by giving them a thought that says not to commit suicide, or not to shoot up today? So while we think the forgiveness is just about our own relationships, maybe every act of forgiveness is radically loosening the hold of entrenched thinking everywhere and opening consciousness up to the power of good.
Lari, your story is a beautiful example, I think, of how forgiving love has an endless, eternal ripple effect. I especially cherish your last sentence.
So grateful Reese was returned to you in one piece — and at peace! That he acted untouched helps me see that no moment (or lifetime) of inharmony EVER REALLY HAPPENED. Not in Love’s kingdom. In which case, what could there be to forgive?
Wow that’s so clearly thought out and presented. Thank you for sharing, I love your ideas.
This summer my cousins came to our house and it was so good to have them but it changed quickly. They are extremely rude to their parents, boyfriends, and on occasion to myself and my friends. It was super frustrating to have them living with us because I could never tell what mood they would be in. They would ruin our plans for the day by doing whatever they wanted and not participating in the fun activities that we all planned to do together. When they did this it would make me so angery! Everything we planned was to come together as a family and I felt like they didnt care about us and didnt want to spend any time with us and I wanted them to go home and never come back. Not only was I feeling this negativity but a lot more as it seemed they were not getting any better as the weeks went on. One day we planned for them to go to disneyland and then down to the beach for a sleepover. One cousin completely ditched and the other came for only half the day. I was over it, and completely at my breaking point. I just didnt talk about it and just let the anger settle in my stomach. The following days I didnt see any them and when I got home nothing had changed but instead of making plans I listened.
Once I started listening I heard what they wanted to do. They wanted the whole family to spend time together but in a different way. At first I was still quite upset with all the ruckus they were causing in my home and how they were not kind. But I let go and really felt that I was listening to God to forgive. Since this has happened, we have only had fun together. I’ve spent more time with them in the last week then I have in the last month I’ve been home and our experiences together, while still encountering a bit of rudeness is much more harmonious.
Nina asked me to post this story here. It’s a bit long, but I hope it’s OK to post it in full!
Some years ago I went through an experience which involved great distress, heartache, and mental struggle. The actual circumstances aren’t what matters, but what I’ve never forgotten is the priceless lesson I learned. At the time I couldn’t think why the whole thing was involving such deep feelings, and taking up so much time and thought and prayer, but finally it dawned on me what it was all about — I was being taught a life-lesson in forgiveness. We all think we know what forgiveness is:– someone does something which upsets you, and you have to forgive them. But I found the lesson had a surprise ending.
When this happened I went out into our garden on that warm summer evening and just walked up and down for about five hours until three in the morning, unable to get any peace. Although I couldn’t seem to control my thoughts at the time I was able to ‘dissect’ them a little, and I was amazed at what I found. There was anger, resentment, needles of hatred, self-righteousness, judgmentalism, and a host of other enemies! These emotions were absolutely foreign to me, and yet they seemed to be running around completely out of control. Then some other things became clear. One was that there was a constant ‘mental projection’ taking place, directing the cause of my distress “out there” onto other people. I was aware of it happening all the time, even when I couldn’t stop it. Then a little thought came to mind: projection perpetuates the pain! The mental projection appeared to justify the pain, because it was giving it a cause. Once there was a cause, there could be an effect which could continue indefinitely.
This dissection of thoughts was helpful. They were certainly not Godlike, and they did have the effect of making me feel separate from God. But then I began to acknowledge that they were not my thoughts at all — they didn’t belong to me, and I could refuse to give them identity. I remembered a passage I knew well from the Christian Science textbook: “Evil has no reality. It is neither person, place, nor thing, but is simply a belief, an illusion of material sense.” [S&H 71:2] This strong, radical statement helped to break the illusion that my suffering was caused by people. My work was to stop believing what was not true about God or man. I made a conscious decision: I REFUSED TO CONSENT to have my channels of thought used in this way. Channels of thought were for the love of Christ, and could be used by nothing else. When I was sure of this, I finally went to bed and slept a little.
I woke up at 7am filled with the most wonderful love — nothing but love. I went downstairs and wrote a letter to the people involved. It just flowed, and I was full of gratitude for this healing, and thought, that’s the end of it……. until the afternoon! To my amazement it all started up again, even more aggressively than before. Over the next days, and weeks, and months, and even into a second year, I found I had to learn persistence, and a depth of understanding in this work beyond anything I had expected.
The testing times seemed to come without warning. Once I was cutting the grass in the garden when the mental storm started up again and I wasn’t alert and let my thoughts run with it. Suddenly the branch of a small tree whipped across my face and eye like a slap of rebuke. Immediately I turned to God in prayer and when I went back to the house soon
afterwards there wasn’t a mark on my face or eye. Gradually the periods between the storms became longer, and the duration of the storms shorter as I progressed in my understanding of how to deal with them. After more than a year I felt I had done all the forgiving that could ever be done, and I used to think, How will I know when it’s the end? Surely this is the end? Yet it still seemed to come again without warning.
Then one day a phone call delivered a sting like a whiplash, and as I put the phone down the tears just shot from my eyes for a few seconds. And in that moment of intense awareness, I prayed from the depths of my heart, “Father, FORGIVE ME for ever for one moment having held a thought about my brother man that was less than Godlike.” For the first time it was a deep prayer, with tears, for my own forgiveness. After a few moments the tears stopped, and into the quietness came the deepest peace I had ever known, along with the clear thought towards my friends, “Why, there is NOTHING TO FORGIVE!
So that was the secret! That was the pearl of great price! I saw in that moment of pure, baptized consciousness, that forgiveness means gaining our own forgiveness, the knowledge of our own innocence and purity as God’s child, and then there literally is nothing TO forgive. As long as we still think we have to forgive someone else, we have’t got there. This is clearly explained in the first four pages of the chapter “Christian Science Practice” in Science and Health. This is the only real forgiveness there is — our own baptism from all sense of evil, which frees us from the pain and sorrow of believing that others have done us wrong. This comes through the wonderful saving love of Christ, which has never even known the problem which seems so real to us or others.
I never had to wait for anyone else to have a change of heart, to see what they had done, and apologise — though much later that did happen. That wasn’t my business. What was my business was gaining my own forgiveness. And that brought heaven to earth in my life and experience. I was totally free, and knew for certain that those disturbed thoughts would never recur – and they never did. All I can say is, the gold was worth the price!
Fenella I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to tell this story in detail. It’s so beautiful!!!
I live much of my life right here, at this tender joint between forgiveness and self-forgiveness. In case you haven’t heard it yet, I hope you’ll enjoy my favorite song for praying about this: http://time4thinkers.com/alex-cook-forgive/
Thank you so much for sharing your story Fenella. It was so helpful to read as I have been going through much of what you described above. It is hopeful to read how your persistence led to healing. Thank you…
Beautiful story, Fenella. I love the persistence you expressed. It doesn’t always seem easy to persist, but your story shows not only that it’s worth it, but that even in the darkest moments, we really do have what we need to rise above the storm. Thank you.
Fenella, your beautiful testimony of forgiveness and all the other beautiful ones preceding it have got me thinking.
What occurs to me is that forgiveness is natural to man, as natural as breathing. We have been convinced by the world that it is foreign to us, hard for us, even anathema to us. But that can’t be true. God has already given us the gift of forgiveness, and all we need to do is open the gift, delight in it, put it on, and wear it continually. Or maybe it’s even closer to us than that. Maybe it’s like our skin, which we come with, live in without even thinking about it, and never shed.
Flipping through last week’s Bible Lesson, Spirit, just now, I came upon this verse, “Brethren, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit” (Gal. 6:18). Translated for this topic, the apostle of old is saying to me today: “Brothers and sisters, the gracious spirit of forgiveness that our Master, Christ Jesus, lived so naturally is also naturally in you, who, like Jesus, are children of Spirit.”
As to HOW we put this natural forgiveness into practice, well, here’s one thought. If we replace the word “sickness” with the word “forgiveness” in this passage from Science and Health that correlates to the Galatians verse, we could say, “Let us banish [unforgiveness] as an outlaw, and abide by the rule of perpetual harmony, — God’s law. It is man’s moral right to annul an unjust sentence [of unforgiveness], a sentence never inflicted by divine authority” (S&H 381). Aha! Forgiveness is an aspect of divine law, so we actually can’t function properly without it!
If I may go back to my little shopping cart story and share my new understanding of what was really taking place there: That wasn’t one person starting to think an ugly, unforgiving thought then deciding not to, nor was it another person unthinkingly bringing too many items to a checkout counter then suddenly realizing she had goofed. No! That was Love’s forgiveness just “checking in,” showing two of Her precious ideas what she looks and feels like! Proving that we dwell in harmony with each other — and with every other idea of Love, of which there are an infinite, numberless “number.” :-) And these two gentle ideas of Love were so happy to stop and acknowledge that they are living in this heavenly sanctuary of God, where forgiveness is natural and reigns forever. (Re “sanctuary”: see Barbara Vining’s September Journal conversation with Joan Taylor).
One more stray but related thought: The seemingly endless forms that unforgiveness takes — the “many inventions” that Ecclesiastes spoke of and the “new forms of tyranny” mentioned by Mrs. Eddy (S&H 225) — indicate how unforgiveness counterfeits the infinitude (70X7) of forgiveness. Thank God the counterfeit is not the true coin and can’t buy its way into the realm of harmony, where we live, right here and right now, in perfect, endless forgiveness.
Recently, I was struck by the way the Lord’s Prayer not only demands that we forgive, but how it also shows us that we have what it takes to do the forgiving.
Now, at the time I was thinking about the Lord’s Prayer, I actually didn’t have forgiveness on my mind. I was just out for a walk, and two lines from the prayer (along with Mary Baker Eddy’s spiritual interpretation of those lines) happened to flit through my head:
Give us this day our daily bread.
(Give us grace for today, feed the famished affections.)
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
(And Love is reflected in love)
I’d never thought of those lines as particularly connected before, but in that moment, I felt like God was showing me how the first two lines enable the second. That is, when we really know that we have what we need, when we’re feeling loved and safe–in other words, connected to God–we have the grace it takes to forgive those who seem starved for grace. To forgive the graceless, our debtors, those who might not seem particularly deserving of our love.
Cut to a couple days later, when an acquaintance lit into me for what seemed to be no particular reason. Perhaps I should have been shocked, hurt–maybe even feeling like this person needed my forgiveness–but instead I had the most lovely feeling of grace. I’d say I forgave her instantly…except in that moment, I felt so conscious of God’s blessings for me, and for her, and for everyone, that there didn’t even really seem to be anything to forgive. I felt totally unaffected, and the conversation just moved right on.
This would have been lovely enough in and of itself, but here’s the coda: About fifteen minutes later, she returned to apologize. Funny thing was, I didn’t even need an apology (something else I’ve never experienced before). But I loved that grace had included her, too–enabled both of us to be ourselves, and to act in a way that was loving and worthy of love.
That’s the kind of forgiveness I hope I can take into my 489 future opportunities. ;)
Jenny, linking those two lines of the Lord’s Prayer (and their spiritual interpretation by Mary Baker Eddy) is a wonderful insight. Thank you!
Every time I decide to look for a new spiritual gem in the treasure chest that is the Lord’s Prayer, I’m amazed that a previously hidden thought pops out at me, as happened with you. Knowing how many times we’ve each prayed this prayer, that really hints at what the word INFINITY means, doesn’t it? The new insights into it will *never* run out. Just like God’s well of forgiveness will never run dry, and thus ours can’t either.
Similarly, the diverse ways we can *apply* Jesus’ prayer, including the forgiveness lines, is unlimited.
Sometimes it can be in the most ordinary circumstance. And that’s what I have to share: an ordinary instance. I hesitated at first, because it seems so small, so simple, so insignificant. But, like the widow’s mite, I must give it, out of gratitude.
So here goes:
Yesterday at the grocery store I headed toward a line that splits into four 15-item-maximum checkout stations. You get in one line and wait for the first available cashier of the four.
Right in front of me was a lady whose basket, I could tell at a glance, had more than the requested maximum. Maybe it was more like 20. I started to count them — can you believe it? — and then I heard a little voice telling me to stop that, to just love the lady, and to chill out. I had been focusing all day on looking for the good, on expressing gentle kindness to my neighbor, on forgiving indiscretions (mine or another’s), and I was NOT going to blow this God-sent opportunity.
As soon as I let it go, I literally forgot all about it, and enjoyed looking at the back of her comfortable summery dress instead. Suddenly, just before one of the two open-for-business checkouts (two didn’t have cashiers at them) opened up, she turned around, looked at me with an embarrassed smile, and apologized profusely for not realizing that she had too many items in her cart. I was truly startled — not because she said something, but because it had SOOOOOO left my consciousness and had been replaced by only good.
You can imagine how super it felt to smile back and respond (and mean it): “I don’t mind in the least, if they (I pointed in the direction of the cashiers) don’t mind.” She looked relieved. Forgiven.
Perhaps even more amazing was what I saw next. At the exact time she proceeded to the open available counter, the customer at the only other open counter was finished and was leaving. That allowed me to proceed to a counter at the exact same she did. Not that I cared at all, but it seemed to make her heart feel glad — because she didn’t have to feel guilty that she had usurped anyone’s place or held them up. And her guilt-free happiness, of course, made me even more glad than she was! :-)
Wasn’t sure how I was going to wrap this up, until just this second God gave me a familiar-sounding line: “. . . dropped in the heart’s deep well.” (Oh, it goes with the “deep well” analogy He gave me at the start of my comment, I see.)
The whole hymn fits so seamlessly with these radical Christly acts that I’ll share it in full here, if that’s okay. The words are by David Bates and it’s No. 315/316 in the Christian Science Hymnal:
“Speak gently, it is better far
To rule by love than fear;
Speak gently, let no harsh word mar
The good we may do here.
Speak gently to the erring ones,
They must have toiled in vain;
Perchance unkindness made them so;
O win them back again.
Speak gently, ’tis a little thing,
Dropped in the heart’s deep well;
The good, the joy that it may bring,
Eternity shall tell.”
Radical blessings on all our forgiving and forgiven heads.
One of my favorite hymns! Thanks for reminding me of it in this context. :)
Really helpful, Jenny. so often Jesus’ words are taken out of context, but if a lesson is taken as a whole, the supply is right there with the demand. i find the same with some of the toughest demands in Science and Health. The how, and supply – or ability to do it – is always right there – in the sentence before or the sentence after. There rally is a Science to forgiving, to loving, to healing. No one is asked to multiply or divide without having the basics of addition and subtraction already built into the understanding.
Yesterday on the “LOVE your neighbor” page, Bonnie Rae shared a Radical Act story about the DMV. It reminded me of my own radical moment in the DMV .
Four years ago I returned home after living in another state. I tried to get a new drivers license. And tried. And tried. Seven visits altogether, but always something crazy went wrong. The last time I got testy and walked out.
I was so embarrassed about getting testy that it took me eight months to fix the seventh wrong thing and return to the DMV. This time - ug! - the very man who witnessed my testiness wasn’t back behind the counter in his little slot. He was right up front.
I crawled shame-facedly toward him, apologized for my earlier behavior, and offered the piece of paper that solved problem number 7. He remembered me, but said surely they’d thrown out my file, including the complicated solutions to problems 1-6. Then he beamed, realizing that he’d taken the time to preserve everything electronically. A few minutes later I was getting my picture taken.
My relief was IMMENSE. I was FORGIVEN. Neither my testiness nor my eight-month delay had been held against me. A big knot in my stomach dissolved.
So I tried an experiment as I stood in front of the camera. I thought GOD IS LOVE as hard as I could. And VOILA - in the photo I looked like a saucy 19 year old.
Amazing! Someone besides me needed to know about the power of divine Love, right now. I glanced around. The only person I knew in the DMV at that moment was a preacher I’d been nursing a massive grudge against for a decade. For a reeeaaaallllly good reason.
OK, I’d been forgiven. I needed to forgive him. And I did, right then and there. I went dancing up to him, “Pastor, pastor - LOOK! I was thinking GOD IS LOVE as I was getting this photo taken, and LOOK, don’t I look about a century younger?”
He laughed. I laughed. And you know, I’ve never felt a shred of anger against him since.
“A saucy teenager” ha ha ha. Love it!
You’ve found the fountain of youth, Nina. It’s about God who is Love. :)
Awwwww. Thanks for referring readers of http://time4thinkers.com/5-do-good-to-people-who-hate-you
to your story here, nineteen-year-old-looking Nina! The order of forgiveness — first you felt forgiven, then you felt so joyous you were eager to forgive another — reminds me of the way the Lord’s Prayer verse reads: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
Yesterday was the first time I ever thought about how, in that prayer, the pray-er is meekly, lovingly asking God to forgive not just his own debts, but everyone’s debts. And the pray-er is meekly, lovingly acknowledging that everyone *does* forgive his or her debtors. No one is left out of this beautiful reciprocity. What an unconfined and unconditional vision of forgiveness that is. Not surprising, since the divine Love that pours out the blessings of forgiveness is unconfined, unconditional. Infinite.
Anger at oneself? Anger at another? Who has room for that?
Thanks for taking my story to a whole new level!!!
Here’s a new daily lift on forgiveness by Michelle Nanouche. Please take a listen for new inspiration!
http://christianscience.com/prayer-and-health/inspiration/your-daily-lift/7-31-marriage-and-forgiveness
Hi all..
I’ve been at camp for the last couple of weeks, and what a wonderful example I’ve had set for me by the teens (and young adults) I’ve been surrounded by…a heavenly host of radicals when it comes to behavioral Christianity.
One of the ideas that was shared in a recent (early morning) staff inspirational meeting was: “the important of giving others safe passage through your thoughts…”
This has been my most radical discipline since hearing it.
Here is a link to the post I wrote that further explores where this idea is taking me:
http://stoneriverstudio.blogspot.com/search/label/“safe passage…”
It has become clearer, and clearer, (to me, at least) that this demand to forgive 70 x 7 is often related to a single instance/event (mine or another’s) that insists itself as justification for either regret (mine) or the right to be angry or resentful.
It is this persistent “you deserve to be…” (angry, hurt, cautious, ashamed, etc.) that I am working to see through, and bring the “get thee behind me Satan” dismissal — which Jesus had the wisdom and courage to exhibit in the Wilderness after the third temptation, rather than the well-intentioned arguments or reasoning he found ineffective in responding to, and fully rejecting, the first two temptations.
I’ve been discovering that (for me) forgiveness isn’t something soft, and sweet, it is a quick, clear, precise surgical application of Love in separating man (any man, woman, or child…) from the suggestion that our omnipotent, omnipresent God somehow lost control of His universe, then someone usurped His power, took the government into their own hands, and caused hurt or harm to themselves or others.
I can’t afford the luxury of this kind of offensive thinking about God, my God. God, who I love, trust, pray to, and rely on to be what the Scriptures assure me He is…all-powerful, ever-present, all-knowing Love.
This kind of mental watchman-ship, making sure that all have safe passage through my thinking, represents my highest degree of trust in God’s omnipotent Love for us all, and the best way I can honor Him with my heart.
Here’s a direct link to the post Kate mentioned, in case anyone wants to read it:
http://stoneriverstudio.blogspot.com/2012/07/safe-passage.html
(The software that Time4Thinkers uses changed her original link a bit so that it no longer worked.)
I’m loving this Radical Acts song by Michelle Armstrong on Forgiveness…it’s already nudged me twice today in the right forgiveness direction: http://time4thinkers.com/michelle-armstrong-ill-forgive/
Jesus’ command to forgive and my resulting blessings and healings:
My mother, Sunday school teachers, and class instruction all blessed me by showing me the wonderful life we obtain from obeying the instructions in the Sermon on the Mount. I’m so grateful for all the protections I’ve had from doing so, also for the healings I’ve had from prayers that corrected me when I messed up.
I once had a job working for a man who was very hard for me to work for. I thought he was unreasonable, arrogant and insensitive. After an unpleasant exchange, I felt insulted and mistreated as an employee and resentful of his general attitude and specific comments. I did not try to justify my feelings with words, because I couldn’t do that in my position as employee, but inside I was RESENTING HIS actions and keeping a score of HIS faults. I justified my negative feelings. “Why should I always be the one to forgive and forget and strive to love the unlovable? This time HE is the one who acted badly, not me.”
I did not do anything on the surface to express anger, but inside I certainly remembered HIS faulty behavior.
A day or two later, I found I started to experience problems with a very severe rash and itching on my arms, and I needed to pray for help and healing. I was so grateful that I had recently taken CS class instruction and was able to turn to God in prayer. I prayed to feel and know more of God’s reality, unconditional love, and perfect government of all, and of my identity as spiritual likeness, pure and entirely good, not subject to material laws of matter, allergy, etc. Despite good, prayerful reasoning, the rash did not budge one bit. Every time I prayed and listened a strong thought would interrupt my prayers. The thought was that I must forgive my boss.
At first I argued with the idea. “God, it’s important to get this rash healed! Anyway, I thought I did forgive him when I didn’t react with overt bad behavior myself. I know Jesus told us, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do,” but HE’s the one who should change. I wasn’t really disobeying Jesus’ law of forgiveness, was I?
As I was having this internal argument, the rash became especially painful, itchy and irritating. Humbled, I could now see a direct relationship between this self-justification and resentful attitude and the physical rash. Because I wanted to be free of the rash and now recognized the instruction to forgive as God’s guidance in answer to my prayer, I NOW WANTED TO FORGIVE WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
But how? It had to be real love, not a surface kind of thing. I really didn’t think I could forgive the way I needed to from my own ability. But I knew God could show me how. I prayed, “Dear God, if you don’t want me holding resentful, unforgiving thoughts, what thoughts do you want me to think? How can I forgive when I think I can’t?
As I prayed in this way and listened for God’s thoughts, an answer came. The Golden Rule, always treat others the way you would want to be treated. I knew that there had been plenty of times when things I said or attitudes I acted upon, hurt others feelings (or worse). I knew I would not want someone whom I had offended (purposefully or not) to always remember that offence and continue to identify me with it. I would want to be forgiven and remembered for the good qualities I showed instead of the offence. So, I did it, I consciously stopped ruminating on how my boss had offended me and focused instead on anything I could think of that was good about him. I also took time to be grateful for the many, many times in my life when others had shown me kindness and forgiveness and to be grateful for God’s unconditional love and forgiveness. I also took time to write my boss a little note apologizing for getting miffed when he was trying to help me do my job well.
After this beautiful cleansing away of the unforgiveness, the rash felt better and soon was completely healed. Things became more harmonious at work as well.
More forgiveness and more healing:
About 5 years later, when my then husband and I were helping out with an Adventure Unlimited (Now Discovery Bound) local teen activity, a similar unpleasant disagreement occurred between me and a young adult volunteer. This man ended up leaving the activity in the middle, and leaving us with a lot of unexpected extra responsibility. We got everything resolved, but I felt HIS actions were very wrong. Again, I did not react on the surface but was ruminating on HIS faults inside. Shortly, another terrible, itchy skin condition developed on me (not him). I was humbled into praying and listening. Again came the Divine nudge to forgive, the necessity to forgive, so I could be freed to be my true innocent self. This time I only argued with God briefly before I got busy and prayed to be able to forgive. I strived to love him and myself for the good God created in us, and just stop ruminating about it. I took a lot of time to look for and find the good in him, his humor and joy, his kindness and intelligence, and to focus on the respect I had for his helpfulness. I was able to forgive and forget. Again, the itchy rash healed quickly. (It was almost humorous that I had to experience this twice before I learned my lesson.)
But, there was another follow up healing! Shortly after, this man asked his wife to call me to ask me to pray for him when he was feeling very ill with what appeared to be a heart problem. I did pray for him and he was healed. I was prepared ahead because I had already filled up with love for my fellow man and a clear sense of his goodness as God’s perfect, wonderful creation! (You’re blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and your heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. The Message Matt 5:8)
Recently, I shared these testimonies with a friend who was having a terrible time forgiving someone who had purposefully tried to harm her and make fun of her (“blessed … when men shall revile you and persecute you?”). It seems my experience helped her understand that she wanted to forgive and could forgive, and that it was a protection to her own happiness to do so. So, she did it, and he own peace was restored.
I have continued to be blessed by what I learned from these experiences. I know obeying the forgiveness command is an absolute protection to one’s own God created and governed identity. I know pride and anger and offense and ruminating can sometimes sneak in so you don’t realize you are holding unto them until they cause trouble. I know that when I want to forgive and pray to be able to obey; God always shows how to do it. I know doing it opens the door to the kingdom of heaven.
Wow so many great stories, I’m really glad to see Radical Acts so popular! You know sometimes we think that if we forgive someone, they will in turn do the same. But this is not so in my case, and you know what? That’s fine, and I’ll explain why.
You see, my Father and I have had a very dysfunctional relationship since my parents divorce nearly seven years ago. And in the last two years we have not even spoken to each other. All the feelings I felt for him were filled with anger, and the last thing I thought I should do was forgive him for his wrongdoings. But this summer I am interning at The Mother Church, and there is something so wonderful about working here that just inspires the soul and encourages you to do – in my case – some pretty radical acts.
The thought came to me a few weeks back as I was writing a blog on forgiveness; I kept encouraging my audience to forgive others, when I realized I should be taking my own advice. I really felt God’s love at that moment, I really didn’t want to let go of my pride, but the more I let God’s advice in, the better I felt about forgiving my Father. I spent that night writing a long email, apologizing for anything I had done to upset him, for the mean things I had said in the past. I wrote, explaining how I had felt at the time and that I hoped he would understand why I felt the way I did. Finally I told him that I forgave him, and that I hoped he would forgive me. I sent the email feeling a weight lifted off of my shoulders, but I also knew that this email would not fix the damage of the past few years, and that the only true remedy was expressing God’s love for my Dad.
I waited a week for his response, all the while praying everyday, accepting him as a child of God, and learning to love him again. When I received his response I was less than enthused. He did not accept my apology, instead he said how glad he was that I finally admitted I was wrong. He brought up all the wrong-doings I had done in the past, all my mistakes, saying how he could not take part in reviving our relationship. He responded to my email as if I had never apologized, and it hurt me deeply. It was as if he rejected me as a daughter. But I knew that I could not be defeated by this false suggestion of hatred. My Father was and always will be a child of God, reflecting His image. He is capable of love and forgiveness, so I decided that I would continue forgiving him and never stop praying for him and his well-being. I know the end result of this prayerful work will only be good. I hope I can come back to this page and give an update to my situation soon. I know whoever reads this will keep me in their prayers and pray for my Father as well. God bless you all!!
Wow Megan. I’m so glad you posted. I hope that you already see that your father’s response doesn’t say anything about who you are or your ability to forgive. It does say something about him, but that’s his area of responsibility, not yours.
Things can change so quickly, though. Once I had to call my dad to tell him that I’d messed up in a big way. And he said, “You couldn’t have told me anything that would make me sadder.” Thanks Dad. ;) I hung up and thought, wow, I felt so disappointed in myself when I picked up the phone, but now I feel disappointed in my dad because he could’ve been more loving.” In one way, it freed me. Not to continue to mess up, but to get some perspective and then do better.
In about an hour Dad called back to apologize. So he spared me having to work to forgive him.
So there’s hope. But no matter what your story ends up being, you’ll be blessed by your forgiveness skills and it’ll be bigger and more meaningful than any human adjustment could be.
What a beautiful Radical Act Megan. Thank you so much for sharing!!!
I’ve had a situation like this with a close family member, dragging on it seems like forever. I’ve sent those apology emails. Said those prayers. The response has been feeble and indirect.
But as I read your comment I realized — maybe my efforts have been feeble and indirect too. Because I DO feel forgiveness. But I also feel vulnerable. When I think of this person, my stomach goes SKROINK and I tighten up all over.
So, back at it. But this time, forgiveness without fear. Now THAT’S a Radical Act!
Megan have you heard this? http://time4thinkers.com/crying-for-joy/
Megan, you are already a pro im the forgiveness business. Recently it helped me to understand more deeply that indeed forgiveness is not a negotiation or a contract. It is a gift! And the one who gives it, grows because of it. You are the one to be blessed first and foremost. Your dad is working his own salvation out with God.
I just read another blog about a wife who had to forgive her husband by Ingrid Peschke…http://www.masshealthblog.com/2012/07/16/the-price-of-forgiveness/
Now onto yours, Michelle. :)
All these comments were realy helpful today as I found I needed to forgive my husband. Nancy’s comments about incurability struck a chord with me. I wrote a blog post on this radical act this morning while I was in the middle of practicing it. Here it is: http://www.michellenanouchecsb.com/4/post/2012/07/radical-acts-marriage-and-forgiveness.html
big moment today: being loving and forgiving doesn’t make us weak. in fact it takes A LOT to do this. and when its hard to forgive someone, it makes us stronger and more lovely people. and even though it seems like we have to forgive 7×70 times in our life…we’re making progress.
Forgiveness *does* show us how strong we are! :)
I recently finished reading Mary Baker Eddy: Christian Healer, the Amplified Edition. Unfortunately I can’t remember whose account this was, or what page number it was on, but there is a very short account of healing in there where a woman talks about forgiving and forgetting. She first goes onto say how, for some time, she prided herself on her ability to forgive. However, she was not necessarily taking the next, needed step of forgetting, which proves you have truly let it go. But rather, she had been collecting and carrying around all these acts of forgiveness as a display of pride or self-love. That’s actually not the main healing she was describing, if I remember correctly, but auxiliary to it. But anyways, through this healing, she came to the realization that she needed to forget about the wrongs too. That’s been very helpful for me to think about lately.
Forgiveness was always a hard topic for me to wrap my head around. How could a person “truly” forgive another for doing them wrong in some way? I always thought the person doesn’t care about what they’ve done, and how would forgiving them make them want to change? Well I finally got an answer that I could agree with. I believe I heard it in a Christian Science lecture, or perhaps at an Annual meeting of the Mother Church, regardless of where I heard it, it was awe inspiring. The Christian Science Practitioner basically said that when you forgive a person you are just forgiving, or acknowledging that it was the adam dream, the mistake, or error. You aren’t saying it no longer matters, and the behavior of the person is fine, but you are claiming their true innocence, and yours, and seeing it for the lie it was. After this you can leave the rest to God, and with confidence know that God will speak to the person and teach them in a much better way than you ever could. So each time we forgive 70×7, infinite forgiveness, we can know that our part is done, and be at peace about the situation.
I had a big revelation this morning – maybe its something everyone else already this whole time, but it came clear to me in a fresh way so I’ll share now :-)
I just downloaded this app called SuperBetter, which aims to make living well into a game, complete with power-ups, quests, and battling bad guys. I’m playing it for a bit to see how games and game playing can impact my own sense of drive. The app itself is pretty physically based, but it’s a beautiful whisper of love, at least for me.
So, riding my bike in to the Christian Science Reading Room this morning, I was thinking about how I could bring this daily quest / power-up thing more tangibly into my life, and I realized – Hey! Radical Acts! It’s not just for thinking about! (I know y’all already know that, and I did too, but it came home today!). Customize my power-ups, quests, and bad guys in SuperBetter to match the spirit of Radical Acts!
As I was thinking about this and biking, I was set to cross the street but 3 cars in a row didn’t yield (which they are supposed to do in this section of town). The fourth car stopped and smiled at me. I was starting to get upset, but all of a sudden – Forgiveness power-up time!!! I immediately forgave those drivers and poured all my energy into a huge smile and wave for the driver who stopped – bonus gratitude power-up ;-) And it was so neat because this wasn’t a forgiveness so I could get something – it’s just that my quest, to be who God made me to be (which I could never not be, really), means I HAVE to live what Jesus taught – anything else would be a lie!
Small, big, no worries – every opportunity to live a Radical Act is an expression of the Love wherewith we are loved, and should be lived. So glad to have this new fresh sense of living these Radical Teachings, and to see how if my eyes are open, I’ll see how I can live the gospel. How’s the song go – “Angels are everywhere, open up your heart and you’ll free them”
Love you all :-)
Cara Isabella,
The mere fact that you realize the need to forgive is the first step towards forgiveness.That recognition is planted in your heart; non è une teoria! E’ l’Amore che ti parla.
For me, if Jesus could ask his Father to forgive, then we can too. We can ask ourselves, as I have in past instances of great abuse, had this person really really known what he was doing in terms of hurtful long-term consequences, would he do it anyway? And time after time, I’ve had to answer, No, he wouldn’t. And immediately the weight has lifted off.
We may think we’re punishing our abuser by witholding forgiveness, but they don’t know anything about it! We’re the only ones suffering. And why should we have to suffer for someone else’s wrong actions?
So, do yourself a favor: drop that rock hanging from your neck, travel light! E fai un bel sorriso!
YES Nancy! When I was going through a tough time, I felt that I’d be letting someone off the hook for bad behavior if I forgave them. Then one day after many, many sad even desperate days, I realized that I was keeping myself ON the hook by not forgiving. It was the first step to real freedom. I also thought how I didn’t have to like what had happened, because bad behavior would never be okay, but I didn’t have to be obsessed by it, either. I didn’t have to think about it all the time.
One thing I’ve learned since is that this person who is fundamentally governed by good, hasn’t let themself off the hook for what they did, even though I forgave them. So what I’m realizing JUST NOW thanks to Radical Acts is that MY forgiveness didn’t have anything to do with their salvation at all. Ah, a huge and humbling lesson. They need to work out the forgiveness issue all on their own. And I’m positive that God’s grace will help them.
Hey Dear Ones,
I was moved to write this solo for this week’s Christian Science Bible Lesson on “God” and the core message behind the song is really a big healing I had this week through forgiving myself and others. The more I forgave, the more that needed to be forgiven was revealed. It gave me a whole new perspective on the 70 x 7 part of Jesus’ teaching. If you forgive (love) once, genuinely, then you will find that you have more to forgive (love). So through one act of forgiveness (love) the forgiving (loving) just keeps multiplying until you feel pure, cleansed, and at a place where you know there is nothing more to forgive, no absence or lack, only a consciousness filled completely with love. Forgiveness is really the revealing of light, love, where before you believed there was darkness. But the light is always there if we let it be! So “Let there be light!” That was the still, small voice that began the world!
Hallelujah for the freedom of forgiveness! Hope you enjoy the video and song!
It’s called Obey and Adore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMYuqv4th7s&feature=youtube_gdata_player
These are all such wonderful stories and inspiring insights…I just KNOW that they are reaching a world hungering for a new and more practical sense of forgiveness…radical forgiveness.
thanks Kim, Maddie, Ryan, Justin, Carlos, “It’s about good” for your amazing contributions.
Kim, do you think you might want to share your story as a comment on the “Dear Me,” piece called, “Unviolated Purity” http://time4thinkers.com/unviolated-purity/
I think it might be helpful to readers on that thread who might be looking for inspiration and examples of healing.
love, kate
I just re-read the thread on Unviolated Purity. Wonderful, healing, comforting stuff. I’ll re-post my story there as well. Thanks for your clear focus on this topic.
Love, Kim
I learned a profound and lasting lesson about forgiveness because of an incredible friendship I had with a friend who was going through therapy due to incest. The 70 x 7 to me speaks of a total cleansing of a sin. During our friendship, I learned more about the power and fixity of purity and how forgiveness clears away the fog that would try to obscure it. That lesson has stayed with me ever since.
When I first heard of the situations my friend had endured, I was shocked and furious. She was getting help through the therapy and was a determined young woman. I so wanted to help her.
I remember researching what I could do legally to help her. I got acquainted with many of the local resources dealing with women, sexuality and abuse. I worked in the school system at the time and even produced a cable television program on this issue that included interviews with area social service agencies, call-ins and production staff. The issue exhausted me, angered me, while at the same time I wanted to be strong for my friend.
I knew that all of these human footsteps were important and helpful. But what I needed, and my friend needed, was something much more deeply spiritual.
We must have talked and walked around a nearby lake dozens of times. I prayed throughout our friendship and our discussions helped me articulate what was becoming clearer and clearer to me about the nature of God and our pure and loving relationship to God. I started sharing some of the spiritual ideas that I was learning:
1. Our very being is spiritual – it is the spiritual elements in life that move us, give us our identity, cause us to grow.
2. Our very being is pure – undefiled, untouched. This is a fixed fact and is unalterable.
3. Nobody can touch our spiritual being – our spiritual identity. Just as no one can change the idea of the numeral nine, no one can change the idea or spiritual being that is you and me.
4. Our identity is not that of a victim, of a vulnerable person who lacks strength, intelligence, courage. These suggestions are shadows that fluctuate and flee in light of the purity that is ours.
5. Violence, perversion, coercion — these are not our fault. It is not brought about by some perceived lack in ourselves. It is born of ignorance and dies of ignorance. It has no power, presence, influence or reason unless we give it to them.
6. The most loving thing we can do for one another is to not believe in the shadows, but affirm one another’s light — one’s primitive purity.
I also relied heavily on some tried and proven foundation stones for my life.
We are safe.
We are loved.
We are pure.
The battle between good and evil is not ours, but God’s.
God is good and good is ALL-powerful, and we are His loved children, Her cherished offspring.
My friend and I exchanged many spiritual ideas for months. She remained strong and significant and healthy changes were made in her life.
But key to the healing and the cleansing of one’s thought was forgiveness – the ability to see the power of Love and the powerlessness of errant actions to take anything of substance away from what God has given us.
Later, we both went on to separate graduate schools and lost touch with one another. But what remained is that unshakeable truth that I can now come home to – Forgiveness clears the way so that we can see that our purity is a fixed fact and that can never be tainted.
There is a game I like to play in the car on long road trips. It begins with the letter “A”. It is a competition to see who can find the first road sign, building sign, or word in general that begins with that letter. Once it is spotted and called out, you move on through the rest of the alphabet.
What if each time we spotted what we were searching for, we could identify it, rejoice in it, and move on. That sounds a little bit like forgiveness to me. I believe that forgiveness and gratitude dwell on the same plain of thought. When you begin to not only recognize the good in others but to be actively looking for it–just like in this car game–it really brings forgiveness to arms reach. Maybe you can start today with the letter “A”. Whether it is being grateful or even forgiving, I think it will bring some extra awesomeness to your day.
Dearest Maddie,
Thank you so much for bringing this to the community’s attention. In my prayers about this issue this came to me: what is the opposite of sex trafficking? Love’s freedom. What is the opposite of forced oppression? Grace through Christ. We will only know true manhood and womanhood through God’s light.
True manhood is not animal or starving for pleasure, but instead is spiritual obedience filled with righteousness, satisfied in Truth.
True womanhood is not subjected or weakened by seeking ways to reflect God, but expresses freedom, dominion, and comforting through Love.
Let’s continue to counter the suggestions of greed, sensuality, and law enforcement oversight by knowing that man is satisfied and spiritual, and that law enforcement enacts justice by the will of God, not the whim of human government.
Forgiveness and Human Trafficking
Hollywood incorporates it into storylines, like the recent show “Missing”. It’s that stomach-wrenching practice of sexual slavery or human trafficking (TIP–Trafficking in Persons). Over 800,000 people are moved across borders each year against their will, the majority women and children.
http://lagunabeach.patch.com/articles/sex-trafficking-in-the-oc?ncid=newsltuspatc00000001
Is there a Bible story that applies? Check out the ‘little maid’ from Israel who had become a house servant to the Syrian military Captain Naaman (see II Kings 5:1). She was taken from her home country when the Syrians invaded and it doesn’t require alot of imagination to assume that sexual violence could have been a part of her young life–the m.o. of ancient armies (so what has changed?!)
Yet the account in II Kings shows she forgave her captor to the point of boldly saying his healing of the dreaded leprosy would come if he’d just go meet with Elijah, her country’s great holy man. Naaman expects some impressive meeting but instead is refused any face time at all with Elijah. He learns a needed lesson in humility and goes home healed. We don’t know if he thanked her, as she disappears from the narrative. But I think of her when I need to practice forgiveness.
What if everyone reading Radical Acts took up a Prayer Watch in her honor - for today’s sexual trafficking? Let’s think about all those ‘little maids’ who just want to be loved, not used; safe, not exploited. We owe these invisible women and children more than shaking our heads at the injustice. We owe them the healing power of forgiveness that can transform traffickers today like it did Naaman 2800 years ago.
That Is a very good point Carlos, forgiveness itself is not the process, but the process is the “human footsteps” as Mary baker eddy says.
It’s interesting to me how often the process is neccesarry because if our true nature is one with god and one with the endless present then why do we need a process to remind ourselves of it? Why do you think this is the case?
Speaking in absolute terms, I would say we don’t need the process. We only “seem” to need it. And in fact we never go through a process. We only seem to go through one.
The process is only what the experience seems like while we’re in it – like a dream. However, once there is healing I’ve noticed that there was no process. Every moment truly expressed God, absolutely no error, whether I understood it or not. The trick is not getting our view (relative to the situation) mixed in with God’s view (absolute and true).
I had a healing what seemed to be a broken bone in my foot a few years ago. It was very painful. Once the healing came, however, I didn’t even remember the pain. I could only see the infinite good that God was showing me in each moment.
So I think the question is: how do we define reality? Is it by what we feel and perceive? Or is it by Science – wisdom and revelation. It can’t be by the first. We feel and perceive in our dreams too.
… We don’t think of everything that happens in a dream as the necessary steps for the sun to rise!
Wow, thank you all by your comments. I am really inspired by what you’ve shared. I also think that we tend to look at forgiveness as a process of un-doing, of correcting something that is inherently wrong. But when I’ve experience real forgiveness, it has been about a realization that nothing needed to be forgiven in the first place, so the process was only the way I CHOSE to deal with a situation and understand reality better, but it was not forgiveness itself.
Whether we’re getting a truer understanding of the present (and by consequence realizing that there is no past or future, but our constant redefining of TODAY), or realizing that nothing could be separated from God (because God is infinite being, and therefore all-inclusive), forgiveness is simply that moment of letting go of a false sense of life, which always seems to possess some sort of appeal it does not.
A couple of years ago, I seemed to be in a situation where someone’s actions (someone close to me) seemed to be endangering my financial well-being. I loved this person and could not figure out why they wouldn’t be more loving, less careless about what they were doing, and think of me rather than just themselves. On a long drive, praying The Lord’s Prayer (because I really didn’t even know where to start dealing with this), it came to me I couldn’t be forgiven of my dept (literally), if I didn’t express forgiveness of debt to begin with. This opened the door for great progress!
I began to realize, rather than a negative situation I was being put into, the circumstance was opening up a number of opportunities for me to move forward, to leave off that victim I thought myself to be, to stop carrying past decisions, “mistakes”, and to see what God was really doing for me at that exact moment. I came to see numerous wonderful opportunities, rather than one negative outcome and only one way of making things right.
The thing was though, that the opportunities did not “appear” with my forgiving; they were always there. But letting go of myself as a victim or my family member as an aggressor (both mistaken views of God’s creation), allowed me to see more clearly the reality. The process was simply me getting out of a personal, and therefore erroneous, sense of things, from where something needed to be forgiven. But in reality no forgiveness was needed, just infinite blessings. So the forgiveness itself was not even a real action. It was part of the false sense destroying itself. And the awakening from that false sense revealed no need to forgiveness in the first place because the only thing that could be happening was God blessing me… and that needed no forgiveness.
The past does not exist. Literally. What is the past, but a bunch of stories we carry around with us that have no ties to, or reality in, the present? Forgiveness, for me, has nothing to do with actively seeking out “thoughts” about someone or something you carry with you & “trying” to correct them. The act of trying to correct is admitting that there is in this present moment something that is separate &/or out of line with the infinite.
Let’s dissect this a little:
What is the present moment? well, for me, it is the infinite unfoldment & constant affirmation of Life, Love, & principle. it is that simple, nothing but Life extrapolating on itself & the Love that is present in that Life.
however, we attach our past stories (relationships, negative events, etc.), our expectations (how someone we are in a relationship with should act in the future, our hopes of outcomes, etc.) & our beliefs about ourselves, to the moment & then we accept that all these things comprise the moment.
I believe What many people have come to believe forgiveness is, is more or less just a process of picking out supposed wrong actions that have been done toward us & figuring out a way to “let go” of those actions & be at peace about them. Well, I believe, that forgiveness has absolutely nothing to do with this process. Forgiveness is in the complete recognition that the past does NOT exist. there is no past for all there is is the infinite moment (the unfoldment of Life). The past does not exist & there can be no negative or positive consequences manifested in the present moment that are derived from the past because the present moment is created new & fresh infinitely.
Forgiveness is in allowing yourself to live without attachment in the infinite moment.
Justin this is so powerful! Anyone inspired by this comment should also check out Justin’s blog on CHALLENGE Pharisees: http://time4thinkers.com/4-challenge-pharisees/
Dear Justin,
Thanks so much for this!!!!=)
Hi Selena…
I am learning that forgiving is not (necessarily) something we do for someone else, or ourselves, as a respond to a wrong done us, or our own regrettable behavior….forgiveness can be completely impersonal. I can be expressed with as little personal attachment as joy, or happiness, or peace…
Through this thorough engagement with this “radical act,” on a moment-by-moment basis, I am discovering that forgiveness is a way of thinking about life itself.
As an example, I was sitting by the river today and there was no one around…just me, and the water, and the boulders, and the scrub pine, and the birds…I think you get the picture. And I thought, how can I express forgiveness right now. Not with regard to anything I’ve done, or anyone else has done (isn’t it interesting forgiveness is always about “the past” when we need to attach it to someone’s actions). Then I thought, what if I for-give, forego any sense of expectation about what I think “should” happen today, in this moment. What if I were to allow this moment to unfold in God’s own way…and let go of my desires for an outcome.
It was so liberating…it was like walking into that river and letting all that was not truly “of God” wash away…
To forgive, for me, is becoming the exercise of my right to let go of what I think anyone, or anything “owes” me.
Again, just some thoughts….shared with love, k.
Hi Selena — I love your resolve. :) And to hear about the good you are doing!
I was just at a Bible conference where one speaker said that because this forgiveness number is so huge (and involves the number 7 which represents completeness), Jesus was really saying that we need to ALWAYS forgive. That there won’t be a time when we can say, “Okay, I’ve forgiven as much as I am required to.”
That could sound grim or it could mean that as we go along, we discover how good forgiving feels. How it benefits US. And how we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Besides, I’m so happy when people forgive me, I want to repay the favor. :)
it is hard to forgive 70 times 7 witch is 490!!!!!!!!!!but i have allready forgiven about 100 time so i have 390 more to go !!!!!!!!!
I was in the car with my super annoying brother.He was poking me,pushing me,and slapping me.I told him to stop but he would not stop!after the 5th time he stopped. when we got to church i said Anthony i forgive you . so this is my radical act!!!
Great, Selena!
If the whole world would simply agree to do what you did, all war would cease, most of the 24,000 people who die every day from hunger would be fed, and we would see the Kingdom of God on earth. Don’t stop!
i wont stop!!!!!!!!!
I’ve been on the road, so I’ve only been able to see these most recent (and so lovely) contributions on my phone…what a joy to sit in front of my computer screen and really read then thoroughly and let the ideas shared just seep deeper and deeper into my heart, and have them steep into richness.
So, here’s where I am on this journey with 70 x 7 today. I got a glimpse of something the other day as I was driving (for 15 hours straight through Missouri, Kansas, and into Colorado…) and “listening” into the stillness within…
It started with an idea that I have been working with for a couple of decades, but never in connection with forgiveness.
I was driving through Kansas on a very long, flat stretch of highway in the late morning. The sun was overhead and still behind me. Way ahead of me, in the middle of the road there was a large puddle of water. I knew (from having driven this particular stretch of highway in the summer MANY times) that it was a mirage…an illusion. But as much as I KNEW it was not true…that I was not EVER going to drive through a puddle, and send off a spray of water into the shoulder of the road, it wasn’t disappearing.
I thought about all the scientific facts I knew to be absolutely true about WHY that was an illusion, and why it would never be true…and still, right ahead of me in the middle of the road, was that same mirage.
But…but, it was always moving the same distance out ahead of me. I never reached it. The reason I never reached it was because of my alignment with the sun. The stretch of road I was looking at (as I was driving) that was in direct alignment with the sun (with me looking at the road from the exact perspective of the sun) was always dry (which was its truth).
But, when I was looking at the stretch of road ahead of me, seeing the sun’s affect on it, as an observer with a different “point of view” than the sun’s (however slight the misalignment) the mirage, or illusion, continued to appear. I had to look at that stretch of road that was in direct alignment with the sun to be mirage-less.
Now I’ve used this analogy with regard to healing…alot. When I am looking at the illusion of sin, sickness, or death from a point of view that is misaligned with exactly what God (the sun) sees…there is no illusion. I must look at everything from the persecutive of “I AM” (not I was, or she was, or thy were…), the omni-presence (presence as in here, and present as in now) of God’s being. This is His only name…and seeking His point of view of what was, or what might happen, is always going to lead to illusion no matter how well-versed we are in the “laws” of why the mirage is just an illusion. Staying in the “I AM” of His knowing, the nowness of His grace…in this moment…is illusionless.
This was something I discovered decades ago while driving through New Mexico. So fast forward to this week and my road trip through Kansas…and my focus on my Radical Activism regarding forgiveness.
I suddenly saw that it was true about this too. And why the 7 x 70 was so relevant. Even one “thing” that we feel needs forgiving, will just move out in front of us…over and over again…as long as we are not aligned with the “I AM” of God’s perspective on our lives and the lives of others.
God isn’t looking at us based on who we were, or who we might be…He knows us for who were ARE. This is ALL that matters. We are welcome to look backwards and learn how futile it is to get transfixed on the road we’ve traveled and the armadillo we ALMOST hit a few miles back in the rear view mirror, or the road way out in front of us and the splash we might leave if that really is a big puddle. But we will miss the sunflowers right next to us, and the sparrow hawk overhead.
When I think about forgiveness and the need to forgive, or be forgiven, I am not looking at my life from the exact perspective of the divine, in alignment with God’s point of view…when I shift my line of sight, poof…no illusion there.
just a thought…love, k.
I am at the Asilomar Bible Conference this week. I’ve learned a lot. Today I participated in a session about the Matthew Code. Looking at it closely (and at the surrounding verses) made it clear that it’s a guide to dealing with action that needs to be forgiven, but that there’s a requirement to deal with it with grace and love and with an expectation of healing. I can’t say I’ve done that often — or even every once in awhile. So here’s my pledge to do it the very next time I feel like someone has offended me.
For me forgiving becomes so much easier when I recognize that the person who I am forgiving is not the same person who did something that needs to be forgiven. The person who I am forgiving, the REAL person, is God’s perfect child, like me and everyone else, and incapable of doing anything that needs forgiving. The other person only SEEMS to be real and able to offend. This is really difficult to remember in the heat of a moment when it is most needed, but is a very powerful step towards resolving a situation.
The strongest proof us this for me was when my stolen computer was returned to me during my freshman year of college. I prayed to know that my good cannot be taken away from me because God is the source of it. But one of the most important things was forgiving the perpetrator of the theft. The night before I got the laptop back, I went for a long walk around campus alone with my thoughts. As I went, I started thinking about the thief. There was some bewilderment about why they would do what they did (my computer was at the Help Desk waiting to be fixed when it was taken), frustration about the situation and resentment, or maybe even hatred, for this person. But I knew that this was not the man of God’s creation. I say I knew this, but I had great difficulty applying it to this individual. For one thing I only knew them as a thief. I had to wrestle with this negative label of them and replace it with that of God’s man.(this experience helped me to gain a greater understanding of what Jacob went through when he wrestled with the angel, because it was so difficult to change my thinking at this time). Eventually I succeeded, and when I did, I quickly realized that there was another label that needed to be forgiven. When I was first informed about the theft, the police officer had given me a form that indicated that I was the victim of a crime. A few weeks before we had discussed in Sunday School how one cannot be a victim if the supposed forces that victimize are not real because God did not create them. If no child of God was capable of stealing my computer, then how could another child of God (me) be capable of having their computer stolen (being a victim)? These realizations were some of the final hurdles that needed to be overcome in this demonstration. So forgiving has power! It is thanks to it that I can type this comment on that same laptop!
While in high school I found myself at a party under the influence of selfishness. The dream that took place that night had me in a place I didn’t want to be in, helpless to stop something I knew was wrong.
After that night a rumor started spreading around school that I had done something horrible. I was deserted by all my so-called friends. I was alone and felt naked and angry.
I thought at the time that our purity was something material. That virginity meant something biological, sexual, and that could be taken away from us. I believed I had lost my purity.
When prom night came around, my date ditched me a few hours before prom began. I had to go by myself. But while in line to get in I found myself next to all my friends who had deserted me after this rumor started about me. And you know what they said?
“Let’s put all of that behind us and let’s just enjoy this night.”
So, under the influence of gratitude and forgiveness, I danced with my friends, with my enemies, and felt Love on a level like none other.
Forgiveness lived.
It took me several years after that to really understand that my purity is spiritual, that it can’t be taken away and it is not dependent on material circumstances, human decisions, or other people. I had to learn the only influence is good. That our oxygen, that our life, is Love. Nothing else. The belief of sin had to destroy itself.
Thank you God for your Son who showed us all that we are forgiven – never forgotten – and that we can’t lose what You have given us. We can never lose Your child-like love. We are forever pure – no matter what – because You know us.
You KNOW us.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment (and thank you, Kate, for diving in to explore this radical act!) This really resonated with me, for I experienced a similar situation where I felt like my purity had been violated. I had a really hard time trying to “forgive and forget” the other person in the situation, and his actions. My thoughts towards him were very unsettling and I often would break down, upset at myself and what I had gotten myself into. I couldn’t find peace and worked very hard to address it with prayer. For a while, I seemed to have gotten over it. But upon interacting with him again, I felt lost and still very upset. I felt that my experiences earlier in the year had “changed” me.
Months went by, and each week I returned to Sunday School, eager to ask my teacher questions about how to forgive and deal with human relationships from a spiritual perspective. I will never forget, on that sunny January morning, what she told me. She often would share with me her “spiritual mantra,” a phrase she used often in conversation, and seemed to universally apply to any situation.
“Just meet it with Love,” she’d say. And that’s what she said on this morning during Sunday School, when we’d been discussing how my week had been going. She expressed to me that not only should I meet this situation with Love, but I should “never leave the precinct of my own though, which is also God’s thought.” I loved this idea, which led me to truly understand for the first time that my first, true relationship is with God. It is spiritual, and all-harmonious, and that is how all our human relationships are, too. There is no room for discord in God’s kingdom. Conflicting opinions don’t have to constitute the relationships we have with others, if we don’t give them the power to do so.
I learned to remove myself from the situation, and start living a purer life, both in my thought, and outwardly. I felt so much peace in knowing that my job was to meet every situation with Love. By doing that, everything would fall into place.
I eventually forgave, and forgot, as I moved from examining what had gone wrong in my relationship to recognizing the good around me, and improving my relationship with God. After all, he comes first. He is “our first and only Love,” as one of my favorite CS articles quotes. Like you said, he KNOWS us, and only knows what’s true about us. And with hat, we can quiet our thoughts, and be at peace in our human relationships - and with ourselves.
Dear Kate: Thank you so much to express clear and easily this statement of our Master. God bless you!
Hi Maria Alexandra…Thank YOU for sharing your appreciation. It fills my heart with a clearer sense of what “and Love is reflected in love…” feels like. I am imagining mirrors that are facing one another, mirroring the one original image back and forth, back and forth…and when angled (even just a bit) outward, the original light travels forever….deeper and deeper within, and magnified in radiance. I think this is what appreciation of any idea of light brings…love, k
Just a simple little thought, but reading through all the comments made me really think about the act of forgiveness and it occurred to me that perhaps in going about forgiving, I need to first acknowledge that there isn’t anything that needs forgiving.
I’ll continue to work with that idea in regards to people in my life I still am working to forgive and also in regards to myself, because we all deserve forgiveness just as much as everyone else does-which is a beautiful thought!
Hi Dear Emmy,
Forgiveness is a precursor to love. If there’s nothing to forgive than there is only love there! But if it seems to love – loving ourselves, loving others, feeling loved or expressing love is difficult- then we have to find and eliminate the sticking point. I’ve found in my own life that the sticking point is usually a sense of “self.” That I’m not worthy of the love. That I’m not capable of sharing the love. That I did something wrong before that I’m afraid of repeating so I need isolate myself.
These are all a bunch of lies!!! The devil is just an inflated false sense of self!
A friend of mine recently shared with me the idea of four year old love. This is a pure expression of God as Love: four year old love. It doesn’t think of self, it doesn’t fear, it just gladly gives and happily receives. We all have experienced that love. It’s inherent in us. Let that four year old love lead our lives – and wash away anything we think we need to forgive!
Thanks Nancy (and all) what a great thread this has become…I am so inspired by what each of you has shared. I know I will return to it as I further explore the depth of this Radical Act this summer. with love, k.
I love what you shared Nancy! Thank you.
This precious thread reminds me of the Bible verse that tells us that there is “no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Someone told me once that the phrase no condemnation includes the meaning of nothing incurable. One day, as I was praying with the thought of radical love and forgiveness, it came to me that there was nothing that couldn’t be healed, because there was nothing that couldn’t be forgiven. Divine Love is that complete in His ability to reveal the purity and perfection of His own creation. I thought of some times that I had been deeply hurt by comments made by others, and in my well-intentioned desire to forgive them, I would think of reasons to rationalize what would make an otherwise loving person say something so unkind. But I realized that in making excuses for them, I was justifying a limited sense of self/personality/ego, and that act was just as much “self-justification” as it would be if I was making excuses for myself. So I prayed simply to love those individuals with a pure acknowledgement of their nature as God’s children. And the most wonderful thing happened – the memories of those comments simply didn’t hurt anymore – there was truly nothing to forgive – no condemnation anywhere!
I love what you have shared here, Alex…that “forgiveness is luxurious…” Ad first I read it as “forgiveness is a luxury…” and that just didn’t resonate with me. Since I am learned that forgiveness is not a luxury I indulge myself (or anyone else) with, but is primary to, as you have so beautifully said, “walk[ing] in the world with out fear of anyone.” And if I might add, “anything.” But especially, fear of your own ego.
But, “luxurious…” Oh YES!!! It is the most wonderfully full, rich, and spiritually Self (versus ego)-indulgent thing we can do for ourselves…or others. And yes, it is work. Demanding, persistent work. And this is the point that I came to this week….
I had been thinking that the 490 times (70 x 7) represented 490 different offenses or instances that needed to be forgiven. That I needed to forgive the 490 different hurts (from another) or regrets (my own mistakes)…but then I actually thought about how (and when) the need for “forgiveness” appears in my life.
It’s usually i the middle of the night, when I have been deeply quiet. Out of the blue, I will remember something that happened in the past (either someone else’s unkindness, or my own mistake), and be taken down into a spiral of hurt, regret, then I catch myself, and begin to pray out from the Truth of man’s inalienable spiritual purity and grace…mine or another’s. But, to be honest, it’s often something I have already prayed about….and thought I’d already forgiven.
The fact that it has come around again has made me feel like my earlier prayers weren’t fully effective. Since here I am again facing the same demon in the darkness. But perhaps THIS is exactly the reason why Jesus encourages us to forgive 70 x 7. He knew (and possibly from his own experience) that the ego loves to remind us that we (and others) are fallible.
The ego wants to either pull us down (by making us feel horrible about ourselves…thus getting us to be self absorbed in a negative, self-destructive way) or put us up on a pedestal by making us feel as if someone else has done something to us that makes them worse/lower than us…thus getting us to be just as self-absorbed in a self-glorifying, self-justifying way.
The ego (or mortal mind) doesn’t rally care which tactic works…just that it does. If it can get us to focus on ourselves, instead of being kind, generous, charitable, loving, self-LESS…it will.
This admonition to forgive 70 x 7 goes after the lie that if we have to face the need to forgive, again-and-again, it’s okay. It gives us the opportunity to focus on loving, letting go of old hurts and past regrets, and transfusing our gaze on the spiritual Source of our ability to forgive…God. Focusing on God, putting Him (and His pure, unadulterated creation…you and me) at the center of our thinking…is luxurious…and necessary to our freedom…to be able to walk in the world without fear.
Thanks Alex…your words were so helpful. much love, k.
and thanks Paul for your wonderful sharing…hugs, k.
a bit of clarification about this last paragraph…don’t know what I was trying to say above…but oh, well…another opportunity for self-forgiveness!!
“This admonition to forgive 70 x 7 goes after the lie that if we have to repetitively face the need to forgive, again-and-again, that there is something wrong…there isn’t…it’s all okay. Persistently realigning our hearts with the truth about man’s inviolable purity and goodness…even when it seems like the same old hurt or regret…gives us the opportunity to focus on loving, letting go of those old angers and self-doubts, and truly transfix our gaze on the “realities supernal” – the spiritual Source of our ability to forgive…God. Focusing on God, putting Him (and His pure, unadulterated creation…including you and me) at the center of our thinking…is luxurious…and necessary to our freedom…our freedom to walk in the world without fear.
I think it would help me a lot if I could forgive. Myself or others. But honestly, I just don’t know how to do it or where to start. How can I forgive? How does it work? How can it get real and not just be a theorie?
There’s a bumper sticker I saw that said, “God said it – I believe it – and that DOES it.”
To me, Isabella – on the biggest challenges – that’s the absolute (and only) foundation that true forgiveness can be built on. I’ve done some terrible things to people in my life, to the point where a sense of crushing guilt would have tried to immobilize me. And, I’ve experienced others doing some pretty terrible things also (for example, a student of mine was shot quite nearby me, died in my arms, and the boys who did it were never caught). The human back-and-forth and conventional wisdom on how to resolve issues like these offers no comfort and can drive us crazy, leaving us feeling worse off than before.
But the Bible says that God sees life differently than we do.
It says that He forgives us for ANYthing, when we truly repent and turn away from the darkness to the Light. And God says that life is eternal, and its action and harmony have never been interrupted for an instant – notwithstanding every single bit of hopeless-seeming testimony to the opposite that the world presents to us. Our loving Father/Mother goes on to say that as we acknowledge this truth,let it “sink down into our ears” (and hearts), and ACT on it – that we can expect to SEE it evidenced here and now –
I’ve found that when I don’t try to argue with God about His promises – and don’t try to insist on fully understanding them before I trust in them (I don’t do that with something as simple as my watch or car) – but simply thank Him for this promise and humble myself enough to really listen for His voice and follow His leading…God speaks to my heart with a tangible, purifying, comforting sense of strength, courage, and peace that renews my hope, restores my joy, and passes all human understanding.
And in those moments, my life – and everything in it – is born again.
God promises that experience to each one of us.
I love, love, love this:
I’ve found that when I don’t try to argue with God about His promises - and don’t try to insist on fully understanding them before I trust in them (I don’t do that with something as simple as my watch or car) - but simply thank Him for this promise and humble myself enough to really listen for His voice and follow His leading.
Especially this:
and don’t try to insist on fully understanding them before I trust in them (I don’t do that with something as simple as my watch or car)
Me too.
Am a bit late reading all this, but…… Thanks, Paul, quite a lesson from that experience you had. I didn’t realise till now that I may need to forgive myself for thinking that forgiveness is needed not only for those abusing guns, but for those using guns at all – AND also for those people/states/countries who believe in supporting the right to use guns, above the well-being of the populace [a radical act for governments would be to....?]. So – my Radical Action is to know that I am forgiven for thinking that all this needs overturning/forgiving??
Hi Isabella…the key, for me, was the line from the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts and we forgive our debtors.” It’s a long story…and here is a link to my relating of it on my blog:
http://stoneriverstudio.blogspot.com/search/label/%22to%20be%20truly%20debt-free…%22
But the short version is that I started to see that “No one owes me anything…” (understanding, apologies, regret, etc.) And in letting all of that “indebtedness” go, I was, for the first time, really feeling the freedom from being burdened by the past…mine and others.
When facing his betrayers, and torturers, from the summit of the cross, Jesus doesn’t say, “Father, show me how to forgive them…” but “Father, forgive them…”
I began to glimpse that, as Mrs. Eddy alludes in her statement, “Correct material belief by spiritual understanding, and Spirit will form you anew. You will never fear again except to offend God, and you will never believe that heart or any portion of the body can destroy you.”
The “offense” was always between the offender, and God. Never between them and me. And if I did something wrong, something I regretted, I needed to take it to God and correct any material belief (for me this means self-determinism…the belief that I, or anyone else, besides God, is, or ever could be a creator) about it, with spiritual (God-based, God-originating, God-governed sense of all things) understanding and let Spirit form me (and my view of things) anew.
Forgiveness, for me, begins with giving everything back to God. To seeing that He has never, for one instant, lost control of my life or anyone else’s. I love Jesus’ example of this. He embraces his path…however thorn strewn, and claims Gethsemane as a garden.
In fact, it is in speaking of his time on the cross that he says, “And I, if I be lifted up from earth, shall draw all men nigh unto me.”
I wonder, did he think he needed to forgive Judas, or thank him for playing his part in the story so faithfully? I have been marveling that, when he speaks of his pathway leading to a betrayal and crucifixion and Peter says, “No, not you Lord..” Jesus rebukes him saying, “Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.” But when Judas approaches him with the soldiers, he embraces and kisses him.
If what I need most is the “fervent desire for growth in grace, expressed in patience, meekness, love and good deeds…” Why would I eschew those opportunities that demand more patience, meekness, love, and good deeds. More…not just a passive contentment with my present sense of what it means to be patient, meek [not inclined to anger or resentment] love, and good deeds…growth in these spiritual qualities is what I need…not just what I am willing to accept.
just some things I am thinking about…with Love, k.
Here is a link to the, “to be truly debt free…” post that actually works:
http://stoneriverstudio.blogspot.com/2012/04/to-be-truly-debt-free.html
Hi Isabella, I know first hand how hard it can be to forgive others, and myself. I got a really great lesson, though, from a work situation. I’d been doing a great job, but the new manager didn’t like me from “hello.” I prayed a lot, but everything continued to get worse including lies and falsified documents in order to justify firing me. I did get fired, eventually, and right when my husband and I were trying to buy a house. So, we had to back out of the deal. I was hurt, angry, and wishing I knew how to explain that nothing I was accused of was me, but I couldn’t. So I tried to let it all go.
A couple of years latter, in a different job, I found out I was going to likely run into this person again. I got scared. This was a clean slate. I didn’t want this person trying to hurt me again, and I had no idea how I would act if I saw them. So I realized I had more praying to do. Not thinking about something was not the same as healing and forgiving.
Christ Jesus’ words, “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you,” were the answer to my prayer. I realized that if I had made really bad choices, for whatever reason, I would want people to let them go, to let me be better. If my mistakes were all anyone chose to see about me, they would never see the real me. I knew I had to let this person be new, to let go of the past for real, and get to know them for who they were that day, not who they had been in the past.
This took compassion and a willingness to see the other person as a whole being, not just someone who hurt me, but someone who has their own thoughts, desires, cares, loves, etc. They had to be my equal as a child of God. I’m grateful to say that I did run into this person, and they ended up helping me with a huge job that I couldn’t have done nearly as well or quickly without them. A few weeks later I was able to ask them to clear up some of the past accusations, and they did this with no argument or justification.
I’m so happy that I didn’t let fear and resentment run my life. This one situation turned out great. Not everyone I’ve needed to forgive has such a big turn around in nature. BUT – I get to live in a way that makes me proud of me. Living by Jesus’ words, or the Godlen Rule, helps me every single day. And I find that when I remember that Rule, I actually end up with less I feel I need to forgive.
Find a bit of compassion, remember how you want to be thought of and treated, and give what you would want to receive. These may not always be easy, but they are always worth it.
Yes, forgiveness is hard. Yes it is work. Yes it is a challenge.
But forgiveness is luxurious. Sometimes I am amazed at this gift that Jesus pointed out to us. It’s so simple! It’s the path to fearlessness. It’s the way to be able to walk in the world without fear of anyone.
Our neighbor’s Chesepeake Bay Retriever, Bella, has the sweetest heart on four legs. She’s always gentle, and loves everyone. Which is why it was so difficult to see her two days ago, after she’d been torn-up by a pit bull, thoughtlessly left unwatched by its drunken owners. As Bella’s owner told us the story of how it happened (the owner and his wife had also been injured in the attack), Bella lay nearby, uncharacteristically sad looking and covered with bandages. Nothing remotely approaching a sense of forgiveness filled my own angry heart as I heard the ugly details. My first thought was that I needed to start carrying a pocket knife again; pit bulls are as common as squirrels where we live. And as the neighbor continued to talk about possible litigation, the need for the pit bull to be destroyed, and the general wretchedness of human beings in general, etc., the protesting thought came to me, “But there’s no real peace or safety or healing to be found in this direction! Grasping for s spiritual counter fact, the thought came to me from Science and Health: “All of God’s creatures, moving in the harmony of Science, are harmless, useful, indestructible. A realization of this grand verity was a source of strength to the ancient worthies.” And so it also proved to be a “source of strength” for me.
ALL creatures, I thought. No exceptions for pitbulls, or white sharks (I like to body-surf), or rattlesnakes (we have lots in our part of the country), or anything! The need became clear for a dual approach. From a sense of Principle: to not be indifferent just because I hadn’t been injured, and become willing to sacrifice some time of my own to encourage local officials to make and strongly enforce better leash laws. From a sense of Love: to know that as one of God’s creatures, notwithstanding some pretty graphic sense testimony to the contrary, Bella’s real identity as an expression of God’s own ideas, couldn’t be harmed in any way and had no choice but to be revealed (healed). And then the hardest part: I realized that as a Christian, hatred was not an option. I had no choice but to know that thoughtlessness on the part of the pit bull’s owners did not bring them any pleasure, and would not bring them any peace until it was changed. And that God’s laws are ever at work, the understanding of which corrects the human picture. In the meantime, I could forgive them in the understanding Jesus had, that if they knew any better, they would have done it. God says our only duty is to love and forgive each other, and leave the details to him. I’m holding to this.
As you are “holding to this,” know that I’m holding your hand across several states and holding to my Jesus-following duty to forgive the pit bull’s “owners.” In truth, they want to learn how to become true “guardians” to their dear dog!
And I’m not the only one who’s supporting your Principle-and-Love-emboldened, actively-expressed caring for each individual you describe, Paul. Joining me in paw-holding prayer is my sweet neighbor pit bull whose name is … Bella. This Bella’s lavish kisses are gentle enough to mend all wounds on your neighbor’s Bella, all the fear and distrust of her pit bull brother in your ‘hood, and all hearts hurt by this incident.
Having been through several dog-biting incidents, I realize the importance of not only forgiving neighbors for their thoughtlessness but also myself for ever believing that they withheld Christly care and compassion.
Wow…I am so touched by the honest sharing here. Your stories humble me. One of the things that came to me in the middle of the night, last night, was that forgiving 70×7 might not be about 490 different perceived “offenses” but the 490 times that a single “offense” comes to thought…after I think I have completely forgiven and let go. Whether it seems as if the “call” is to forgive someone else…or myself.
It’s in the middle of the night that self-doubt and regret seem to want to haunt my closet. They sneak into that sweet space of silence…that I have devoted to prayer – to listening deeply for the still, small voice of God…and I start to wonder if I even deserve to hear the angel messages I am listening for.
But Jesus’ encouragement to forgive 70×7 has actually given me hope, and a clue that I am not alone in facing the demon of anger at others, or regret about my own mistakes…again and again. His urging to be persistent reminds me of the shard of glass that through the persistent cycles of the oceans tossing onto the sand…then washing back out to sea…becomes soft-hued, strong, and lovely…a precious treasure in the tender hand of even the smallest child.
So, today I am letting myself forgive…over and over and over…as often as the suggestion of hurt or regret comes…knowing that it is making me, my relationships, my view of others, softer, gentler, lovelier…
thank you for honoring the Radical Act with your own sharing…..love, love, loving your Radical stories!! always, k.
I didn’t keep track, but I’m pretty sure that I had to forgive my now ex-husband at least 490 times. We were involved in a protracted divorce and it was so messy. I had to forgive myself a lot too. Our marital problems did not bring out the best in me. Divorce is never one sided.
I didn’t see it that way at the time and all the time I spent feeling self-righteous got me NO WHERE. It didn’t make me feel better to be in the right because I still felt like a victim. And that was horrible.
My forgiveness prayers didn’t start off super strong. They were mostly along the lines of “Hey God, I can’t see anything good in this person so you’re going to have to show me.” And then, because it was the only way I could deal with it, I didn’t even look to see if God were showing me something good. I didn’t really want to see the good.
But the emotional pain pushed me to want a real solution and the only way I knew to get it was to get to know more about God’s creation. I started with me. And as I gradually got a better sense of who I really am, I was willing to see some of those same beautiful God qualities in my ex.
The process was slow and sometimes I felt like it was 2 steps forward, 1 1/2 back. But I persevered and I now consider myself something of a forgiveness expert. ;) I see the good in my ex and feel like he’s family. My life is scar-free!
Forgiving for me like most people is not always easy and forgiving a former boyfriend who was verbally abusive is even harder.
Forgiving the words of hate, anger, aggression, and thoughtlessness was challenging for me. He started out kind but began criticizing how I would do things then to name calling and grew even worse before I ended it.
After the relationship ended I struggled to forgive him and move on. I wanted nothing to do with him, I was angry I had let him into my life, angry he had said those things to me and I had just stood there and took them not saying anything.
Being raised in Christian Science, I had always been taught to forgive and love the person not matter what they do to you or someone you love. I struggled with this idea and the thought, “love they neighbor as thyself” kept coming back to me and I knew Gods love was strong with this young man not matter what came out of his mouth as he was a child of God just like the rest of us. I knew that none of his words could hurt me as only God’s love could past through my porter at the door of my thoughts.
I spent a long time avoiding him and still holding the anger with me. Both he and I were a part of a committee that planned the final big event for our college before summer. I was assigned to work with him. We both said nothing to each other but as the day came nearer, we had to communicate and help each other out with different events and activities. I kept strong to “love they neighbor” and see him as in the light of God but also let my anger for him and myself go. I went into it knowing that there was one Mind and communication between us would be smooth. During the event when we did talk, it was done with great respect and a patience that had never been there before for each other. The event went off without a problem.
So very thankful for forgiveness!
Anonymous in Boston
It’s a beautiful thing to forgive ourselves, and others. Over the past 7 years I’ve lived in an apartment building. The head of the Housing Association was right below me, and appeared to be cantakerous. It seemed I could no right.
Basing myself in God’s divine, loving plan for all, I slowed down. I thought before each act, each word, each communication. Many times I simply listened for 95% of the time to this gentleman.
Gradually mortal mind exposed itself. It seemed there was a fear or belief of irresponsibility with the younger tenants who were moving in. This was opportunity to not make any judgements about age – rash younger people, or inflexible older ones.
I continued my course of firm, consistent kindness and compassion. Pretty soon, and I can’t even remember when, our relationship normalized into one of fair, kind conversations. I am most grateful!
I could forgive myself if I moved too quickly or upset someone with too many new ideas; I could forgive someone else for mortal mind trying to appear in the guise of fear or lashing out.
Blessings!
Pamela
http://wordpress.pamelahawley.com
phaw...@universalgiving.org
Kate-
You’re right: self-justification for feeling angry or upset is a huge part of not forgiving or loving. I can remember when I went to college I allowed myself to get so mad at people who didn’t give me the space and quiet I expected to have when I walked in a room that I was suddenly learning to share with a roommate whos life style was nearly 100% the opposite of mine. I had to learn that I couldn’t justify my feelings of irritation or upset. It came to me when I was reading the Bible Lesson and read “don’t be an advocate for error.” I had to ask, what’s and advocate? One that supports. I was supporting error when I was justifying my feelings of evil (let’s face it, yes, evil-those feelings aren’t good.) so I stoped. Yes, for this, it was that easy. It was making the clear distinction on my thought and just acting on it. So many times we get caught up in trying to act right, but that’s when we think we’re acting and are seperate from God, but it’s not us that acts-we can’t be separate from the Mind that is all. We never are doing anything on our own. It’s totally letting go and not putting up a fight. It’s complete surrender to God being our Life.