Here’s my theory: We want love! From the second we’re born, we crave it. A crying infant is quieted by a loving embrace. A child’s tears are dried with a tender kiss. A sincere hug can stop a teen’s rage in its tracks. And a kind word can steady the nerves of an adult about to face his or her biggest challenge.

But the western world is not obsessed with hugs or intimate conversations. It’s sex, intercourse, coitus that consumes the thoughts of millions—so much so that the pornography industry is one of the fastest-growing sectors of the entertainment business.

To what end? Are we really getting what we want and need from our sexual relationships? Or do we end up temporarily satisfied but inevitably confused and empty?

I’m a Christian Science practitioner, and what I find in my practice is that no matter what age or gender a person is, this sex thing has got a lot of people messed up. More and more people, especially 20-somethings, call or email me with questions about sex. And here’s a common theme: No matter what they do, who they are with, or how hard they try, sex is not meeting their expectations for sustainable satisfaction or loving relationships.

Now, don’t misunderstand. I have no intention of telling anyone what to do with their sexual lives, whether or not sex out of marriage is right or wrong, or whether or not it’s “ok” to be gay. Those are conversations you need to have with God. These issues are deeply personal and deserve the reverence and respect of private, silent prayer. What I do want to do is bring some logic to this manic search for satisfaction. Call it the logic of Love.

In my experience, what seems to get lost when sex is the center of thought is a person’s ability to love well and to feel loved. Which means that the question we need to address isn’t really whether sex is right or wrong, or with whom it should happen. No, we need to start with love itself—its qualities and its power.

If you’ve never really experienced the kind of love that just loves you—without judgment or conditions, without anything expected in return—then sex can seem a reasonable substitute. But what happens if sex is unavailable, or if you’re out of sync with your partner? Does that mean you’re suddenly cut off from love?

No, it doesn’t. But I’ve found the kind of love that lasts, the kind of love we truly crave, only as I’ve built my relationship with God, divine Love itself. People can be fickle. But God, the source of the best, most perfect love, is never changeable, never condemning, never angry or abusive, never, never far away. Love, divine and perfect, is always present, powerful, tender, abundant, joyous, and always, always completely conscious of you, loving you. No matter what happens, no matter where you are or who you are with, the source of perfect love is just loving you, every moment of every day, and you reflect and express that love/Love. It’s part of you. It is your ultimate being.

Sex is not your identity, gay or straight, and sex will never consistently give you what you are looking for. Love will. Learn what Love is and how to love, truly and generously, as a result. Then the questions of sex—with whom, when, and how much—will become secondary matters that no longer consume you, your thoughts, your activity. Your value as an individual will be obvious to you and won’t require the validation of another person. And the decisions about sex that you do make will come from a place of clarity and freedom—and unselfishness.

Ask yourself if sexual thoughts encourage you to leave your apartment or dorm room. Do they inspire you to climb a mountain or just take a walk? Have thoughts of sex ever given you the energy and desire to serve a meal or build a house? Likely not. Many times, thoughts of sex crowd out thoughts of charity, compassion, grace, and unselfishness. Even thoughts of love. But what have you wanted to do when you feel the most loved and loving? Stay inside, by yourself? Hardly!

The joy, the desire to share, help, and serve, the strength and energy that come with real love, are what we are all actually looking for. The world gets better, far, far better when filled with love. What has filling it with sex accomplished?

When questions of sex and sexual identity come to thought, remember the logic of Love. Question the motives and potential results of your thoughts and behavior, and look to God, to Love itself, to help you find those answers. You are so much more than a sexual being could ever be. You are glorious, intelligent, talented, strong, beautiful. Love will remind you of all of this, give you reasons to love yourself, and offer you opportunities to be a blessing. Looking to Love first, you will find what you are looking for: the real you, loved, lovable, and loving.

What does it take to succeed?  Jesus rewrote the rules.  This inspiring film short by Andres de Paz and Annelie Jenne invites us to stop and reassess what’s driving us.

We visited Turkey at a warm time of the year, and were out in the city exploring mosques and historic sites. The heat was definitely an issue for me. I had prayed about being hot and uncomfortable before, but this climate was extreme compared to what I was used to. I managed along the first few days without too much discomfort. I drank plenty of water, tried to stay cool when my head was hurting, and was taken in by the beauty around me and the new culture. However, there was one night where I felt all energy had drained from me, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I had intense pain in my head whenever I moved, so I skipped dinner that night and spent some time alone.

During that evening I read the weekly Christian Science Bible Lesson. The subject that week was “Life,” which could not have been more perfect. I went through all the sections, gaining inspiration from different passages from the Bible and Science and Health, by Mary Baker Eddy. One idea that really stood out to me was this one from Science and Health: “The sinless joy,—the perfect harmony and immortality of Life, possessing unlimited divine beauty and goodness without a single bodily pleasure or pain,—constitutes the only veritable, indestructible man, whose being is spiritual” ¹

This quote was the plain truth, and just what I needed at that time. I realized that I was always going to express divine beauty and goodness, and that there could never be room for pain in my head to distract me from this. I saw that I was expressing sinless joy throughout this trip, and that this pure motive could never result in any pain to hurt me. I also saw all the perfect harmony that we had on our journeys, traveling on old buses and through the deserted countryside. That harmony and sinless joy were the real experiences of my travels in Turkey, not a pain in my head.

I continued to pray with this quote, and I slept for about two hours. When I woke up, the pain was completely gone. There was not one ounce of discomfort, and I was able to eat and continue on with the night’s activities. The rest of the trip was joyful and pain free, and I was so grateful for this quick healing!
Later on in the trip, we were sailing along the Turkish coast, admiring the ancient ruins and beautiful blue sea for nine days. About halfway through the trip, huge swells in the sea began rocking our boat back and forth. These swells got to my stomach, and I felt seasick. I was stationed at the back of the boat for a while, throwing up from the turbulence, but then I realized I didn’t need to consent to be a victim of this sickness. I went back to the Bible Lesson to find more inspiration. I came across a passage in the Bible that was perfect for this situation: “Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. . . . Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth”. ²

These Bible verses helped me to focus on the spiritual qualities of peacefulness and calm. Even though the waters were rough and the swells were big, it was comforting to see that I could connect with God and know that our Father-Mother was present, taking care of us on the boat in the middle of the sea. This idea was so calming, and as my thoughts settled the seasickness went away completely! I was even able to rest for a little bit. We sailed on the open sea for many days after this and I never had a recurrence of the problem.

I am so grateful for the presence of God no matter where you are in the world, and for the ability to have instant healings!

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?” the girl was saying as she gave her two college-age friends her most winning smile.

She needed a heavy piece of furniture moved. And soon. Would they be willing to help?

“I don’t know,” said the guy with the baseball cap. He made eye contact with the other guy, then asked, “What’s in it for us?”

I knew he was probably teasing her—and that they would end up helping her out. But his joking question stuck with me. I wondered: Is it just human nature to be calculating and self-interested? Is it natural to think of ourselves before we think of others?

Speaking for myself, I don’t think that a “What’s in it for me?” attitude necessarily has to do with a lack of generosity. Call it a survival instinct that I’m not always even conscious is operating. But when I step back and look at my thought process, I can see how sometimes—even in a split-second of decision-making—issues of time, money, effort, even a fear that I’m being taken advantage of, all come into play.

Ever since that conversation on the subway, though, I’ve been inspired to pray not just to express more selflessness, but to embody more Christliness. For me at least, selflessness is a quality I embrace and aspire to; but it’s not always sufficient. In fact, it can feel a lot like human effort—with all the ego that can inadvertently go along with that. By contrast, Christliness allows me to put God first—to feel the power that comes from knowing I’m not an independent actor, but that my thoughts and actions are actually an expression of divine Love itself.

My prayers led me to an unexpected place—to a Bible story that I’ve read dozens of times since I first learned it in Sunday School. In this New Testament tale in the book of John, Jesus has been doing God’s work in the outskirts of town, and his healings have impelled a multitude of people to follow him. The problem is, it’s growing late, and the only food on hand is one “lad’s” five barley loaves and two small fishes. The part of this story that I’ve always focused on in the past is the dramatic conclusion: With this small amount of food, Jesus feeds the thousands. ¹

This time, though, my prayers got me to stop on that lad with the loaves and fishes. It occurred to me that he had every right to be asking that question: “What’s in it for me?” Were those loaves and fishes his food for a week? Did he have a family to share them with? Even the disciples were skeptical: “What are they among so many?”

Given the probable downside to sharing, what was it that impelled that boy to hand over his provisions? I felt like my prayers were showing me that being in the presence of Christliness as he was—or acknowledging our own Christlike nature, as we can—is what removes barriers to unselfed love and radical generosity and healing. The power of that Christliness is unstoppable and all-encompassing. Just witness what happened when the lad yielded to it: More than five thousand people were blessed, and so was he.

Mary Baker Eddy described Christ as “the divine nature, the godliness which animated [Jesus].” ² That moment on the subway has been a welcome reminder that each of us possesses that divine nature and expresses that godliness. Which means that the most natural thing in the world actually isn’t to say, “What’s in it for me?” Instead, with hearts and minds aligned with God, we’re always in the perfect position to listen for inspired solutions and then act on them—freely.

My early Methodist preacher, Reverend Markham, carved daily gratitude to God into my soul, when I would peek at him through a child’s closed eyes during long Pastoral Prayers. Hands outstretched to the heavens, eyes closed and a beatific smile on his uplifted face, he’d exult in a joyful, booming voice that made you believe it: “It’s so GOOD to be alive today! Oh THANK YOU, FATHER; thank you for EVERYTHING!”

Roman Catholic priests, Father Bob and Father Pete, so loved dedicating their lives to God at my college parish, and seemed to have so much joy in doing it, that they made a teen-age boy seriously think that dedicating your life to serving God might not be a reluctant drudgery, but an incredible possibility.

My lawn maintenance contractor, lifelong friend, and faithful Sikh, Chenchal Singh, showed me a daily, indescribable degree of selflessness and sacrificial tender love for his family. It was one of the closest earthly examples I’ve ever seen of how I imagine Jesus acted toward others.

Long-time friend, Rabbi Tenenbaum, who served the Conservative faithful at his shul into his 90’s, showed me the best possible way to encourage students to live morally pure lives.

He was visiting my class of tough Los Angeles gang members, having accepted my invitation to explain the teachings of Judaism. When asked what advice he would give today’s young people about sexual behavior, he paused and looked genuinely puzzled. With a humble, apologetic look, he told my group of promiscuous teens that he didn’t have anything to share with them, because the only woman he’d ever loved or been with was his wife.

Judging by the looks on their faces at that moment, it looked like all my girls, and half the boys, wanted to follow in his footsteps from that point forward.

The many Mormon missionaries I’ve invited into my house for a non-caffeinated drink have inspired me to examine my own willingness to unselfishly serve others. Usually teenagers, living away from home for two years, paying all their expenses themselves, and working six days per week - for free - at one of the most thankless jobs there is, these dedicated Christians give eloquent sermons about their faith, without saying a word.

All the help I’ve received in becoming a better Christian Scientist - by countless individuals who were not - is summed up by an agnostic, former teaching partner of mine. He was always gentle and kind - always selfless and patient - at times when I was not expressing any of those qualities.

When we’d talk about religion, he’d always remind me: “Paul, faith in God can be a wonderful thing. But people’s religious beliefs are usually so emotionally-charged, and have resulted in so many huge problems for mankind, that a person can’t be too careful to make sure that they’re respectful of others’ beliefs, and humble about their own.”

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So this time around, I was really hoping and praying that we wouldn’t be preaching to the choir, but that we’d do some active outreach in the community and see tangible fruitage.

Previously, our marketing efforts mostly involved putting up fliers. We did still put fliers, but I wanted to do more than just that this time. It felt like an answer to prayer when a CSO member found out about a University service: to send out a mass email to every student on campus—both graduate and undergraduate students. What a glorious opportunity this was!

. . . that is, until I looked into the details. The listed the cost for this service was $1,400. Ouch! On top of that, by the time I found out about it, the lecture was less than a week away, so raising this much money seemed to be an impassable roadblock. Then a friend suggested sending an email to The Mother Church asking for financial support. I figured they’d probably laugh at such an outlandish request, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

I sent them an email on Friday. By Monday morning, I had a response offering to cover the full amount. My jaw dropped. I was floored by this generosity! I got to work on the announcement right away. As I did, more good news came in: We learned that there was a special discount available to student organizations and the cost to us would only be $100. I was so grateful for what seemed like an answer to our prayer.

At least until the next roadblock! As we started to fill out the form to set up our mass email, we learned there was a requirement that request be sent in 8 to 10 business days in advance of the event. I frantically called every phone number I could find, one after another, asking if there was any way this waiting period could be waived, but no dice.

I was disappointed and confused. I felt as though God had been the force behind this idea, and the incredible receptivity from The Mother Church had felt like confirmation of that. Yet now the idea was going to fall short because we had missed the deadline.

I continued praying—we all did—hoping that God could open up another opportunity. In prayer I said, “God, there is absolutely nothing I can do humanly to make this work—I’ve already tried everything I can do. If this is supposed to work, you’re going to have to do it.”

I felt a bit like Gideon (Judges, chap. 7). Gideon was to lead the Israelites to defeat the Midianite army, a military force that vastly outnumbered the Israelite army. Gideon receives successive messages from God. At first Gideon has prepared a battalion of 32,000 soldiers, but is told by God that he needs to make his army smaller. With so many soldiers, they might think that it was through their own human ability that they achieved victory. So he reduces the army= to 10,000 men, but God says this is still too many and shows Gideon how to whittle the number down to only 300.

What this represented to me was taking away the human conditions that would lead us to believe that we are personally responsible for bringing good ideas to pass. It was clear to Gideon and his much-reduced army that they did not achieve victory through their own strength, but by the grace of God. I prayed with the idea that it was not through my own human abilities that I could make this work, but only through the grace of God.

Soon I received a telephone call from someone from the University that I had tried to reach. She explained again that they could not waive the waiting period, but mentioned an alternative that might work in our situation. We could purchase an email list of all the students and use our own software to handle the mailing. This alternative only cost $35.

This was truly answered prayer. A friend of mine who works as a graphic designer generously offered to donate her skills to help us quickly come up with an email design that looked clean, crisp, and professional. We sent out the email announcement as soon as we could, and included a link to our CSO’s website as well as a way to RSVP to the event on Facebook.

The result was the best-attended lecture our CSO has hosted in years. About 20 people from the local branch church showed up, plus we counted somewhere between 12 and 15 new students that came because they heard about it in their email. We brought copies of both the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, and we ended up giving away five copies of Science and Health. We also printed out information sheets about the CSO, which we handed out to everyone who came through the door.

The email software we used also let us track some statistics about the announcement we sent out. We saw that a little over 7,000 people had opened and read our email, so two weeks after the lecture, we wrote a blog post about the lecture and sent a follow-up email to those 7,000 people with a link to that as well as some information about upcoming CSO meetings. A small handful of students actually emailed us back directly to start a dialogue.

My prayer in this instance taught me that it wasn’t through my own abilities, power, or expertise that any of this was possible. God brings all right ideas to fruition, and He is always able to open the way. In this case I had prayed about finding a way to better promote our lecture, and God answered that prayer.

I also learned that no idea coming from God can ever come up short, as God creates and preserves all of His ideas. We’re excited to see the initial fruitage of using this technology, and already thinking about ways that we can utilize it in the future. And we were very pleased with the highest turnout to one of our CSO events we’ve had in years! But best of all has been seeing the practical results of our prayer to support the entire endeavor.

What does the Christian Science Board of Directors of The Mother Church do?  Mary (Trinka) Trammell works with the editorial team of the Journal, Sentinel, and Herald magazines, so she’s been been busy with the new JSH-online website.  Join her for a little tour!

Check out the videos from the other Board members:
Michael Pabst
Margaret Rogers
Nathan Talbot
Lyle Young