Lately I’ve come to see that being childlike is the best way for me to love. To me, real love is innocent, pure, health-giving, joyful, and cannot hurt others. But it’s also responsible and mature. This, I’m beginning to comprehend, is how divinity reflects, in us, its own completeness.
About a year ago, I was on the latter side of a marriage and was not interested in meeting anyone else at that time. However, some women seemed interested in me. In the past, when someone was attracted to me and I didn’t want to return that affection, I would do something that would make me unattractive. Sometimes this would involve being mean, ignoring them, or using them in a way that made them feel yucky or worthless.
A sincere apology
When I started studying Christian Science I felt deep remorse for many of the acts I had committed in the past. Some of the people I wronged were nowhere to be found and I had no idea how to get in touch with them.
I was, however, learning how to pray. I was beginning to understand that my prayer didn’t always need to be a petition to God, but a trust that He, as Love, is loving all His children and giving us what we need to feel complete and free from any past faults or hurts.
There was one individual I really had a deep desire to talk with and ask for forgiveness. I didn’t even remember her last name and could find no way to be in contact with her. I continued to pray about this and went about my daily routine knowing that whatever needed to happen would come about in God’s own way.
I had never been involved with social groups online, but through work I was doing in the Christian Science community, I soon started to network with friends over the Internet. One day I found a request from a young lady who had a very suggestive picture on her profile. I almost deleted it, but something told me not to. Though there was little resemblance to the pure, wholesome person I’d known, the beginning of her name was the name of the young lady I so desired to talk with.
I took a deeper look and realized it was indeed her. I decided to dive right into how sorry I was. I prayed to let God send her a message of comfort rather than my own sense of what should be said. Then I started typing. The message was from the bottom of my heart apologizing and asking for her forgiveness.
Shortly, I received a response. She said that the experience was one of the worst of her life. My heart sank. I didn’t know if I wanted to read more, but knew God had put this whole experience together and I was not going to hide from the fear and remorse any longer. I continued to read and found out how much my apology meant to her. I could feel a release from the bondage this event had caused both of us, right then and there. I could see her innocence, and mine too.
Spontaneous love for all
That was the last time we spoke, but it led me to find a solution to my present situation of feeling personal love pulling on me. Again, I prayed. I saw that in situations that involved an uncomfortable, clingy sort of personal love, all I needed to do was reflect more divine Love!
I continued to pray and then a message came. Four-year-old love. Innocent and pure. Four year olds don’t hold back love. Four year olds aren’t fake. Four year olds don’t know how to hate. They don’t know about personal attachment in a way that justifies loving one person more than another. They just love. I made a consecrated effort from that moment on to share this type of innocent love freely.
I started pouring this love onto everyone. Each time uncomfortable situations arose, my answer was more love. I lost no friends, but gained a greater love for everyone, including my ex-wife. All confusion and fear started to leave my life. In time, one friendship began to feel special, and it became a dating relationship.
At the same time, my spontaneous sharing of love for all continues to bless me and those around me. That’s what real love always does, and we can share it with everyone, all the time.
By Summer WrightRSS feed
Topics: Dating | Tags: forgiveness, Radical Acts, restoration, romantic relationships